Venting i dont understtand myself.

[peachchildtenshi]

i am currently at a point where I believe I could just try and get myself back together since I used to be very guilty of my abusive, manipulative, insecure to my ex that I made the decision to break up(2/3 years ago) because I wanted her to be happy, something i couldnt do..

Which is something to this day I could never forgive myself for.
But, now, I feel really, numb regarding it, after finding out shes already in another relationship and that shes happier.

Im just stuck on whether or not I should move forward. I have isolated myself from all my friends(not families) since last week, and for some reason that made me feel more calm and normal. I didnt push them away because I hated them, they were supportive and tried their best to help me out. Now im wondering on whether or not my feelings are valid since i feel like i've just been looking for attention or space to think for myself, because if so, why didnt it work for the past 2 years, why only now that im feeling like this.

During those two years, I have constantly lied to myself and that everything I've done was for her even though she was no longer mine. but, what else do I have to cling on to.
everything was always for her. because I always hated myself deeply.

I would always work until death if it were for someone else, but when it comes to myself, I wouldnt even try.

 

[peachchildtenshi]

bump.

 

[color_me_gone]

One thing you should never do is enter into a relationship, thinking the other person is going to fulfill you.
That is a job that nobody can do, except yourself.
You need to find your own happiness, and love yourself.
You need to be confident in your own skin.
Only then, are you ready to enter a relationship.

 

[peachchildtenshi]

One thing you should never do is enter into a relationship, thinking the other person is going to fulfill you.
That is a job that nobody can do, except yourself.
You need to find your own happiness, and love yourself.
You need to be confident in your own skin.
Only then, are you ready to enter a relationship.

hey, thanks for your time reading my waste of a thread.I appreciate it.
however, I still dont get the whole idea of "loving yourself", what is there to love about myself for all that I have done.
unless what you meant was accepting myself and assessing my self worth.

 

[color_me_gone]

what is there to love about myself for all that I have done

First off, you have recognized that you have done bad things. That is the bigger part of the battle.
You need to want to change your ways, so you will not do them again.
Sometimes that requires outside help (therapy).
Once you have determined you have change your ways, you DO need to forgive yourself.
Once you have accepted your own forgiveness, and decide to live by your own moral compass,
you should be able to be happy with yourself, and have confidence in yourself.
THEN you will be ready to enter a relationship, and should find it easy to find one.

Also remember, that not everything bad that happens to you, is your own fault.
You need to recognize when you are a contributor, and when you are not.
Don't blame yourself for things which are outside of your control. ❤