Discussion I don't understand how people can be so happy and optimistic about life

[ijustwishtodie]

I especially don't understand how I can be as happy and as optimistic about life as they are

 

[tiredcat]

life can really suck sometimes and we all know that, especially people here on this forum, but if you want me to respond from a genuine, trying to help standpoint, here's what i think as some who's been through highs and lows for about 7 years now.

you don't have to be overly optimistic about life to be happy or vice versa. what matters is that you are able to look at yourself and know you're trying your best and honestly just be grateful for the tiniest things you have. whether that be something small like water or a place to sleep or just being able to get urself a little snack that you love. telling yourself "today sucked but tmrw will be different." you don't even have to say better, because everyday will always be different.

does that sound plausible for everyone? nope. may even sound stupid. sometimes ur brain is the one who's holding u back from realizing how much these little things actually matter. and that kinda leads into a mental health recovery sorta thing that some people cant figure out. i've been doin this for years yet i still think about ctb every week or so

it's hard to basically rewire your mind into thinking a completely different way. but if you are looking for some genuine words of encouragement i hope you find a way to make life a little more tolerable, however you may choose to do that.

sending love <3

 

[hopelesswanderer]

I especially don't understand how I can be as happy and as optimistic about life as they are

Feel the same way. I can't fathom anyone being optimistic about life let alone my own. Someone says "it gets better" and my mind immediately responds "no it won't." It makes me hate myself more knowing that other people can say things like that and actually believe it, and I'm just a preprogrammed pessimist.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

you don't have to be overly optimistic about life to be happy or vice versa. what matters is that you are able to look at yourself and know you're trying your best and honestly just be grateful for the tiniest things you have. whether that be something small like water or a place to sleep or just being able to get urself a little snack that you love. telling yourself "today sucked but tmrw will be different." you don't even have to say better, because everyday will always be different.

I see. That's an interesting take on it. It's just that I noticed that the ones who are happy about life (or at least those who are most vocal about being happy with life) are the ones who are overly optimistic. Being grateful about the tiniest things in life, as weird as it sounds, is something that I actually understand the concept of. And I acknowledged that it takes losing these things to see just how big of an impact they actually have. For example, I don't believe that life is a gift however having a peak physical and mental health does seem like a gift to me and I only say that because I'm deprived of the latter. It doesn't justify life or living though

it's hard to basically rewire your mind into thinking a completely different way. but if you are looking for some genuine words of encouragement i hope you find a way to make life a little more tolerable, however you may choose to do that.

I completely agree with the first part. Also, I hope that I can find a way to make life tolerable, ideally without ctb'ing until I reach an old age but I'd take suicide too

Feel the same way. I can't fathom anyone being optimistic about life let alone my own. Someone says "it gets better" and my mind immediately responds "no it won't." It makes me hate myself more knowing that other people can say things like that and actually believe it, and I'm just a preprogrammed pessimist.

Exactly this. I relate to this sentiment way too well. This is just a theory of mine and I admit that I may be wrong but I think that those who say "it gets better" either consciously or subconsciously look at their own, and their own loved one's, lives, they see how their own life is just an alternating wave of ups and downs then they extrapolate that for everybody else's lives. Despite it being clear that life is different for everybody and it genuinely doesn't get better for some. Also, it's impossible to fully know if someone will get better or not unless if you have powers that tells you their future

In my view, based on this post of yours alone, I don't think that you are a pre programmed pessimist but rather that you're someone who is logical. I don't think it should be pessimistic to admit that things don't ever get better for some people. That's reality and that's how the world operates unfortunately.

 

[hopelesswanderer]

I see. That's an interesting take on it. It's just that I noticed that the ones who are happy about life (or at least those who are most vocal about being happy with life) are the ones who are overly optimistic. Being grateful about the tiniest things in life, as weird as it sounds, is something that I actually understand the concept of. And I acknowledged that it takes losing these things to see just how big of an impact they actually have. For example, I don't believe that life is a gift however having a peak physical and mental health does seem like a gift to me and I only say that because I'm deprived of the latter. It doesn't justify life or living though

I completely agree with the first part. Also, I hope that I can find a way to make life tolerable, ideally without ctb'ing until I reach an old age but I'd take suicide too

Exactly this. I relate to this sentiment way too well. This is just a theory of mine and I admit that I may be wrong but I think that those who say "it gets better" either consciously or subconsciously look at their own, and their own loved one's, lives, they see how their own life is just an alternating wave of ups and downs then they extrapolate that for everybody else's lives. Despite it being clear that life is different for everybody and it genuinely doesn't get better for some. Also, it's impossible to fully know if someone will get better or not unless if you have powers that tells you their future

In my view, based on this post of yours alone, I don't think that you are a pre programmed pessimist but rather that you're someone who is logical. I don't think it should be pessimistic to admit that things don't ever get better for some people. That's reality and that's how the world operates unfortunately.

Ooh I like that. Here's something I wonder, and at this point I ought to try, if I repeat those ideas over and over to myself will I eventually believe it? And does believing it make it better regardless of whether it objectively IS or not?

 

[Celerity]

Honestly, I don't think optimism is strictly necessary for a good life. I wouldn't count myself as an optimist, and every attempt I have made at trying to develop a more "positive" mindset has just ended in frustration. Optimism is as much of a cognitive bias as pessimism is.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

Ooh I like that. Here's something I wonder, and at this point I ought to try, if I repeat those ideas over and over to myself will I eventually believe it? And does believing it make it better regardless of whether it objectively IS or not?

I don't actually know if repeating these ideas over and over again would make you believe it. I do believe that it's possible to eventually believe something if you say it over and over again but this obviously has its limitations and doesn't apply to everything. Hence I don't know if you repeating these ideas would make you believe in them eventually but, if you think it would help, I'd say to go for it. Also, I don't know if believing it makes it better regardless of the objective reality as it could different for what you're trying to believe which allows reality to completely shut you down. For example, if you were to believe that "it gets better" and if it turns out that it didn't actually get better, that would be really painful.

So, all in all, to both of your questions, it depends on what you're trying to believe in

Honestly, I don't think optimism is strictly necessary for a good life. I wouldn't count myself as an optimist, and every attempt I have made at trying to develop a more "positive" mindset has just ended in frustration. Optimism is as much of a cognitive bias as pessimism is.

I see. Thank you for your insight. If optimism didn't work for you (which I'm not surprised by that tbh), may I ask as to what did work for you? Or what, excluding optimism, allows other people to live nice lives. Though, yeah, I do agree that both extremes are cognitive biases

 

[Abandoned Character]

Is there something that you want to do with your time? For me, it's spending time in nature when I feel at my fullest. I can look back on memories I've spent in the woods, by a lake, and feel a sense of warmth. Is this what you mean by happiness? I am not sure. I think optimism has its value, for me it puts me in a state of receptivity to life experiences. If I am open to new possibilities, I have a chance to learn something new, meet new people, and even get to know the deeper parts of myself a little bit better

 

[ijustwishtodie]

Is there something that you want to do with your time? For me, it's spending time in nature when I feel at my fullest. I can look back on memories I've spent in the woods, by a lake, and feel a sense of warmth. Is this what you mean by happiness? I am not sure. I think optimism has its value, for me it puts me in a state of receptivity to life experiences. If I am open to new possibilities, I have a chance to learn something new, meet new people, and even get to know the deeper parts of myself a little bit better

Honestly, I've tried for a while to think of an answer to your question but all I could think was that I don't even want to do anything with my time other than to rot in my bed. it's depressing but... well, I guess that is to be expected on a site like this even if we are in the recovery forum. I'm sure that I want to do more stuff than this but I genuinely can't think of anything. Nature is nice and I wish I could enjoy it too but I'm extremely lazy or perhaps too drained from depression. I can't relate to the idea of meeting new people, learning something new etc though I'm glad that you can do those things.

 

[Celerity]

I see. Thank you for your insight. If optimism didn't work for you (which I'm not surprised by that tbh), may I ask as to what did work for you? Or what, excluding optimism, allows other people to live nice lives. Though, yeah, I do agree that both extremes are cognitive biases

I honestly don't know what I did per se. I try my best to keep busy and always have a goal I am working toward. Not sure if that really helped considering that most of my self-hatred stemmed from perfectionistic tendencies. Unfortunately, a lot of my improvement may have just come from getting older. I have also met a lot of people with rough life circumstances that convinced me that I am far from the only fuck-up. They live fulfilling lives despite the challenges.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I honestly don't know what I did per se. I try my best to keep busy and always have a goal I am working toward. Not sure if that really helped considering that most of my self-hatred stemmed from perfectionistic tendencies. Unfortunately, a lot of my improvement may have just come from getting older. I have also met a lot of people with rough life circumstances that convinced me that I am far from the only fuck-up. They live fulfilling lives despite the challenges.

I see. I struggle with having a goal as everything is ultimately meaningless in my perspective. Also, one of my issues is that, whenever I see the word "goal" used in a recovery context, my brain automatically assumes that this goal has to be strictly related to work or family or friendship etc as I've seen this word get used a lot in these contexts (especially for work).

As for the part about getting older, I have to say that's interesting as I'm more so on the younger side (18) and I assumed that I'd get worse as I get older as I have to maintain myself (which I struggle doing) and I also have to work (I've yet to get a first job).

There definitely are a lot of fuck ups than us which is extremely unfortunate. Though I wish I could be living fulfilling lives like others or at least that I can easily ctb to get rid of this pain, whichever happens first and the quickest for me. Nonetheless, thank you for sharing your answer and I hope that you reach a state in which you are satisfied with or that you keep on maintaining a state that you are satisfied with. Best of luck to you

 

[enough of this]

Honestly, I've tried for a while to think of an answer to your question but all I could think was that I don't even want to do anything with my time other than to rot in my bed. it's depressing but... well, I guess that is to be expected on a site like this even if we are in the recovery forum. I'm sure that I want to do more stuff than this but I genuinely can't think of anything. Nature is nice and I wish I could enjoy it too but I'm extremely lazy or perhaps too drained from depression. I can't relate to the idea of meeting new people, learning something new etc though I'm glad that you can do those things.

I'm with you in your vantage point - being depressed, not thinking of anything to do... - but I also have the need to get out into nature and meet new people. Usually, rather than being excited about doing anything (other than sitting on my butt in front of this monitor), I have to force myself to get motivated enough to even get out of the house. Every once in a while, it pays off. But not often enough for me to get encouraged. But, I'm with you on what you're saying. Feel free to message me.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I'm with you in your vantage point - being depressed, not thinking of anything to do... - but I also have the need to get out into nature and meet new people. Usually, rather than being excited about doing anything (other than sitting on my butt in front of this monitor), I have to force myself to get motivated enough to even get out of the house. Every once in a while, it pays off. But not often enough for me to get encouraged. But, I'm with you on what you're saying. Feel free to message me.

I see. I sort of wish that I could meet people and go into nature and do stuff but I'm extremely lazy. Additionally, with regards to meeting new people, I wouldn't get far if I tried to do that because I'm heavily disconnected with myself and, as long as it stays that way, I'll never make a friend. For example, I literally have no interests (which I assume was self evident based on me talking about not really doing anything) and that ruins my ability to make friends. There are other factors too of course

I wish I could force myself to get motivated and do stuff but it's almost impossible for me

 

[subhuman metalhead]

I especially don't understand how I can be as happy and as optimistic about life as they are

Because a lot of people are incredibly ignorant to the suffering that goes on in this world. They think that because they don't suffer means that everyone else doesn't have the ability to.

 

[Vesiira]

life can really suck sometimes and we all know that, especially people here on this forum, but if you want me to respond from a genuine, trying to help standpoint, here's what i think as some who's been through highs and lows for about 7 years now.

you don't have to be overly optimistic about life to be happy or vice versa. what matters is that you are able to look at yourself and know you're trying your best and honestly just be grateful for the tiniest things you have. whether that be something small like water or a place to sleep or just being able to get urself a little snack that you love. telling yourself "today sucked but tmrw will be different." you don't even have to say better, because everyday will always be different.

does that sound plausible for everyone? nope. may even sound stupid. sometimes ur brain is the one who's holding u back from realizing how much these little things actually matter. and that kinda leads into a mental health recovery sorta thing that some people cant figure out. i've been doin this for years yet i still think about ctb every week or so

it's hard to basically rewire your mind into thinking a completely different way. but if you are looking for some genuine words of encouragement i hope you find a way to make life a little more tolerable, however you may choose to do that.

sending love <3

agreed! sometimes you do have to try to find even the littlest things that keep you getting through each and everyday. everyday is different, even a little. you never know what it will bring. it is unfortunate that we think in the ways we do and feel the awful things we feel. the way our brains are wired makes it impossible not to. it sucks that it can take YEARS to change your mindset from the way it's been for a long time. just gotta cling onto the hope that someday it might. <3

 

[Fimbulvetr]

I have BPD, so my emotions tend to flux drastically with the situations around me. I can go from immensely happy to deeply suicidal at the drop of a hat. However; I do often present a happy and optimistic facade even when I'm depressed. Some people think I'm really resilient! ...I guess I am, since I've survived this long, but it's not really something I'm always necessarily happy about. At times I rly wish my ex killed me when he had the chance. I feel like I've always been wanting to CTB, even subconsciously, ever since.

 

[enough of this]

I see. I sort of wish that I could meet people and go into nature and do stuff but I'm extremely lazy. Additionally, with regards to meeting new people, I wouldn't get far if I tried to do that because I'm heavily disconnected with myself and, as long as it stays that way, I'll never make a friend. For example, I literally have no interests (which I assume was self evident based on me talking about not really doing anything) and that ruins my ability to make friends. There are other factors too of course

I wish I could force myself to get motivated and do stuff but it's almost impossible for me

I understand. I have those same feelings. But, it's a choice. You have to weigh one pay-off with another.
I hope you choose what's best for you.

 

[Notwinnernotawin]

I'm tryna be. In even considering using satanism and goetia to make things better. Maybe it works. If it doesnt, then I'll definitely kill myself in 2025. If some asshole doesnt kill me before that.

 

[vipatherappa]

I especially don't understand how I can be as happy and as optimistic about life as they are

I agree that being optimistic is a risky attitude to have because there's always the risk of being disappointed by what the future brings. If you're pessimistic at least if the worst comes to worst, that isn't far from what you expected. Most of the time I'd rather feel numb than dejected. But when optimistic thinking is followed by a desired positive outcome, it can bring you a sense of satisfaction that not much else can.

As for being happy about life, I think a lot of it is linked to a sense of contentment and comfort. I'd say doing what I enjoy/hobbies makes me happy, or at least puts me in that state of mind temporarily. You mentioned in a different post that you spend most of your time watching youtube videos. Would you say that watching them makes you feel comfortable and content?

Another aspect of being happy about life I think is linked to the anticipation of the pleasure that results from the fulfillment of an ambition. It's the inner drive of human beings to make something out of themselves. You say you don't find pleasure in the things that you do to spend time, but I think you might try to find it by thinking about how it can bring you that pleasure of anticipation. You can reframe the activity from being what we might call a waste of time to something that gives you unique skills and knowledge. Watching youtube videos all the time gives you valuable skills: an awareness of online trends, how the online communites operates, and a vague idea of how recommendation algorithms work.
This could give you even more of that pleasure of anticipation since now you can plan on pursuing those skills in an educational environment like a university. Maybe you can consider studying something like Digital Media and Communcation where you can continue to grow and develop your skills. You seem like an intellectually curious and inquisitive person from the posts I've seen you make on this website. By considering options on how to expand your knowledge in a field you're interested in, you now you have something to look forward to in life. You can be 'happy' about it.
I hope this helps you in your journey to find fulfillment and pleasure. If you need help getting started, you can try to talk to a careers advisor, or a school counselor if you're still in school.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I agree that being optimistic is a risky attitude to have because there's always the risk of being disappointed by what the future brings. If you're pessimistic at least if the worst comes to worst, that isn't far from what you expected. Most of the time I'd rather feel numb than dejected. But when optimistic thinking is followed by a desired positive outcome, it can bring you a sense of satisfaction that not much else can.

Exactly this. Though being pessimistic isn't good either as it's just the opposite extreme of optimism

As for being happy about life, I think a lot of it is linked to a sense of contentment and comfort. I'd say doing what I enjoy/hobbies makes me happy, or at least puts me in that state of mind temporarily. You mentioned in a different post that you spend most of your time watching youtube videos. Would you say that watching them makes you feel comfortable and content?

No, not really. I just do it to pass time

Another aspect of being happy about life I think is linked to the anticipation of the pleasure that results from the fulfillment of an ambition. It's the inner drive of human beings to make something out of themselves. You say you don't find pleasure in the things that you do to spend time, but I think you might try to find it by thinking about how it can bring you that pleasure of anticipation.

I'd say that this is a case of being so close yet so far. You base the rest of your post on this supposedly truth regarding everybody but I don't have the inner drive to make something out of myself. If I had enough money to never work a day in my life, I would do nothing all day for the rest of my life. So unfortunately I can't find pleasure this way, or at least I don't think I can.. but who knows for real.

You can reframe the activity from being what we might call a waste of time to something that gives you unique skills and knowledge. Watching youtube videos all the time gives you valuable skills: an awareness of online trends, how the online communites operates, and a vague idea of how recommendation algorithms work.

I won't lie, I think I have a better chance at enjoying watching youtube videos if I simply saw it as something I can use to relax as opposed to something that I use to develop my skills specifically. It's tiring to want to improve 24/7 and we all need breaks to relax and unwind.. not to focus on perpetually gaining skills with no end. Though, ironically, one could argue that using youtube videos as a way to relax is gaining skills in creating a study life or work life balance. Nonetheless, my point still stands

This could give you even more of that pleasure of anticipation since now you can plan on pursuing those skills in an educational environment like a university. Maybe you can consider studying something like Digital Media and Communcation where you can continue to grow and develop your skills. You seem like an intellectually curious and inquisitive person from the posts I've seen you make on this website. By considering options on how to expand your knowledge in a field you're interested in, you now you have something to look forward to in life. You can be 'happy' about it.

That.. seems like overkill to me. Pursuing a degree just to commodify watching youtube videos? There's being intellectually curious and inquisitive (which, well, thanks for the compliment even if I don't see that within myself) and then there's doing what you suggested.

I hope this helps you in your journey to find fulfillment and pleasure. If you need help getting started, you can try to talk to a careers advisor, or a school counselor if you're still in school.

I think it's unlikely for anybody here to be in school given how this site isn't meant for minors. Of course those who are minors won't admit they are one and can pretend to be an adult but, nonetheless, I think it's safe to assume that everybody who we converse here is an adult. I'm at university and I already talked to a careers advisor as I need a part time job to adapt to the higher cost of living.. but I got no skills at all. Well, long story short, they said what I thought they'd say; to volunteer to gain some skills. I've yet to do that because of anxiety but I digress from the main post here.

Thanks for your post. It's been super close to actually helping me (though it's yet too far) and this feeling is oddly nice. Your kind of thinking is rare or at least it seems to be that way

 

[Ksmиda]

After attempting suicide, the smallest nice things felt like something so special and memorable. This included things like watching the sun rise, seeing a nice flower or looking at the moon. I think that in a way, depression makes you see appreciate the small things, because even a small distraction or relief from the living hell that is depression can feel huge.
These small things make me hopeful that I can have more of these moments of peace and relief, which is a big reason I look forward to the future.

 

[losing altitude]

I think either they are a little loony to begin with or just turn a blind eye to 3/4's of life. Some of the worst people I ever knew who screwed up other people's lives were tea totalers who were "high on life".

 

[vipatherappa]

Exactly this. Though being pessimistic isn't good either as it's just the opposite extreme of optimism

No, not really. I just do it to pass time

I'd say that this is a case of being so close yet so far. You base the rest of your post on this supposedly truth regarding everybody but I don't have the inner drive to make something out of myself. If I had enough money to never work a day in my life, I would do nothing all day for the rest of my life. So unfortunately I can't find pleasure this way, or at least I don't think I can.. but who knows for real.

I won't lie, I think I have a better chance at enjoying watching youtube videos if I simply saw it as something I can use to relax as opposed to something that I use to develop my skills specifically. It's tiring to want to improve 24/7 and we all need breaks to relax and unwind.. not to focus on perpetually gaining skills with no end. Though, ironically, one could argue that using youtube videos as a way to relax is gaining skills in creating a study life or work life balance. Nonetheless, my point still stands

That.. seems like overkill to me. Pursuing a degree just to commodify watching youtube videos? There's being intellectually curious and inquisitive (which, well, thanks for the compliment even if I don't see that within myself) and then there's doing what you suggested.

I think it's unlikely for anybody here to be in school given how this site isn't meant for minors. Of course those who are minors won't admit they are one and can pretend to be an adult but, nonetheless, I think it's safe to assume that everybody who we converse here is an adult. I'm at university and I already talked to a careers advisor as I need a part time job to adapt to the higher cost of living.. but I got no skills at all. Well, long story short, they said what I thought they'd say; to volunteer to gain some skills. I've yet to do that because of anxiety but I digress from the main post here.

Thanks for your post. It's been super close to actually helping me (though it's yet too far) and this feeling is oddly nice. Your kind of thinking is rare or at least it seems to be that way

In order to pass the time you've chosen to perform a specific activity. Maybe it doesn't bring you the positive feelings that we attach to the world 'pleasure' but I think it's at the very least stimulating to your brain. I feel like reflecting on why you choose to watch Youtube videos to spend time might lead you to follow a thread or to and find something that you might interested in pursuing, at least an activity or avenue of inquiry to get you out of this state of numbness to life that you seem to be in. I failed uni in my final year because of that numbness; I had to be otherwise (among other factors) I would have CTB due to my anxiety and deep insecurity.

I think it's worth taking a look at the syllabi of media or communications degrees that are offered by your university or universities that you have the option of transferirng to.
You're not simply taught to be another cog in the content factory cranking out or promoting products to consume. You can learn how the ways in which people communicate affects our societies, cultures, and individual psyches, how different forms of media convey and transmit information in different ways, among other things. You can also learn practical skills that might pique your interest once the you've buried the mental hole you're currently buried in.

About the part-time job, is there really nothing that the careers advisor can offer you? There are plenty of jobs that don't require skills or can be learnt very easily (e.g. store clerk/shelf stocker/moving company assistant), and the obligation to be more active simply to get to and from work (as opposed to uni work which can practically be done entirely online these days and which can be dreadfully soul-sucking) could help your brain produce the necessary hormones for you to get out of anhedonia.

I appreciate you being skeptical of my response, to me it shows that you're a reflective and critical person and we need more people like you in the world. Plenty of people have been driven to CTB by people who have the exact opposite of those characteristics and force others to subscribe to the ways of being they think is right.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

In order to pass the time you've chosen to perform a specific activity. Maybe it doesn't bring you the positive feelings that we attach to the world 'pleasure' but I think it's at the very least stimulating to your brain. I feel like reflecting on why you choose to watch Youtube videos to spend time might lead you to follow a thread or to and find something that you might interested in pursuing, at least an activity or avenue of inquiry to get you out of this state of numbness to life that you seem to be in.

Oh wow- this is truly marvellous. I didn't expect to see something like this here but.. wow. I'm truly speechless. I guess it's stimulating after all. As for why I watch youtube videos, I literally only do so because.. it's stimulating. Of course the question begs why yt videos and not something else as there are a plethora of ways in which my brain could be stimulated (though not the pleasure kind of stimulated as already established). I think I just do it because it's something I'm used to doing (routine maybe?) but also because it's passive (i.e. I don't have to move myself much; all I do is watch a screen and focus on what is going on in the video)

I failed uni in my final year because of that numbness; I had to be otherwise (among other factors) I would have CTB due to my anxiety and deep insecurity.

numbness is truly awful to deal with. My condolences for failing your final year and I hope you can make a comeback somehow

I think it's worth taking a look at the syllabi of media or communications degrees that are offered by your university or universities that you have the option of transferirng to.

I truly would rather progress on the current path that I am as opposed to doing media. I don't know why.. I just have to

You're not simply taught to be another cog in the content factory cranking out or promoting products to consume. You can learn how the ways in which people communicate affects our societies, cultures, and individual psyches, how different forms of media convey and transmit information in different ways, among other things. You can also learn practical skills that might pique your interest once the you've buried the mental hole you're currently buried in.

That seems like being a cog in the machine but in a different flavour. Though now I'm getting overly curious at why your advice is catered towards a media approach. It seems rather odd to me

About the part-time job, is there really nothing that the careers advisor can offer you? There are plenty of jobs that don't require skills or can be learnt very easily (e.g. store clerk/shelf stocker/moving company assistant), and the obligation to be more active simply to get to and from work (as opposed to uni work which can practically be done entirely online these days and which can be dreadfully soul-sucking) could help your brain produce the necessary hormones for you to get out of anhedonia.

I'm not sure. I don't know what I could say differently to get them to help me beyond "just volunteer". But I don't know, it probably sounds nigh impossible but I genuinely believe that I don't have the skills for even the jobs that you stated. Not that I can say for sure but just a feeling of course. The part about doing work to perhaps suck me out of anhedonia does sound interesting and I even thought the same myself. The problem is getting there in the first place as I don't have any energy to research for jobs/volunteering opportunities and I get panic attacks at interacting with others irl

I appreciate you being skeptical of my response, to me it shows that you're a reflective and critical person and we need more people like you in the world. Plenty of people have been driven to CTB by people who have the exact opposite of those characteristics and force others to subscribe to the ways of being they think is right.

Reflective and critical.. to an extent. I still have my moments where I'm neither reflective nor critical and where I perhaps live in a "closed bubble" so to say. Nonetheless, I appreciate the compliment. I have a hunch at what you mean with your last sentence but I'm not too sure. There could be various meanings for it

 

[vipatherappa]

If you get panic attacks when you're interacting with people, it's time to see a therapist. You should ask the counsellor you've been seeing about how to access mental health services where you come from because it's something that can be treated over time with a therapeutic method, like how physiotherapy helps relieve chronic back pain. If you're financially insecure at the moment and you need a job asap you could consider gigs you can do on your computer, like

transcription: https://www.indeed.com/career-advice/finding-a-job/online-transcription-jobs

community manager (yeah you're involved in shilling products, but it's only temporary after all): https://blog.hootsuite.com/community-manager/
These jobs are accessible to those without much experience or skills, though of course it comes with training. If you have a disability that prevents you from doing the training for these jobs, you can consult this website if you live in

the UK: https://nationalcareers.service.gov...-and-job-support-for-people-with-a-disability
Australia: https://au.prosple.com/career-planning/employment-support-for-people-with-disability
NZ: https://www.whaikaha.govt.nz/support-and-services/education-and-employment/employment/

With regards to my career advice (pursuing media studies), you can take it however you wish. I just kinda fixated on that because the main activity you perform day-to-day is the consumption of media. I guess the primary thing that I think you should focus on is ask yourself why you watch the content you watch. I'm sure you've noticed the youtube algorithm recommends certain kinds of videos to you over others.

Assuming you're a conventionally-presenting straight male you probably don't watch clothing hauls or make-up tutorials, right? Maybe you watch tech unboxing videos or stream compilations or mukbangs or travel vlogs or any other genre of online video that exists out there. What is it about that/those genre(s) of videos that stimulates you? Once you follow the thread of self-reflection you might discover a new interest or an interest you never really knew you had. I really believe this is a likely way out that you should try. Along with seeking mental health support, this is what I would urge you to try and do to start freeing yourself from what's shackling you from being able to actively experience life in a positive and constructive way. I think this is the best advice I can give you, so hang in there and see if you can do more than what you think is the best you can.

 

[BlockHammer]

It's not a hope that keep me in this life nore positive mindset either, my reason was simple, i just want to make an proper assesment about life, so i guess that's what motivated me. I haven't got a job and try a certain hobby, so i cannot assumed too fast about my life, however if i already try anything i can and cannot find any hope in this life, probably im going to ctb like other people in this forum that already did that