Girlfriend
I’ll try again next time ☀️
- Sep 11, 2023
- 30
I'm having a full disassociation day. Have kind of just slept all day.
I just woke up from a nap where it was the end of the world and I was with my family and sitting by my sister having a glass of wine with my mom and dad and it really broke me because I'm not in contact with my sister right now and right now the mental illness is too much to call my parents lately because I feel like everyone hates me and is so disappointed in me. And idk the past few days I just don't know if I can do this anymore. I have to see a client any minute now and I still have tears crusted in my eyelashes. I have seen this person before and he's safe but very demanding and I just have to shut off my brain to get through it. I do this all completely sober and always have. A couple drinks at most and that's rare.
I gave myself a 6 month timeframe to get it together and if I can't, I'm going to do it. I'm considering partial hanging or the night night method. I don't know if I can make it to that date.
I think I'm going to go ahead and order the ratchet and cornhole packets today so that I can have them at home when I get back. I might just be missing home and safety of my own bed and it'll pass when I return but I'm not sure. This is a new low level to my mental health and it's scaring me.
I just woke up from a nap where it was the end of the world and I was with my family and sitting by my sister having a glass of wine with my mom and dad and it really broke me because I'm not in contact with my sister right now and right now the mental illness is too much to call my parents lately because I feel like everyone hates me and is so disappointed in me. And idk the past few days I just don't know if I can do this anymore. I have to see a client any minute now and I still have tears crusted in my eyelashes. I have seen this person before and he's safe but very demanding and I just have to shut off my brain to get through it. I do this all completely sober and always have. A couple drinks at most and that's rare.
I gave myself a 6 month timeframe to get it together and if I can't, I'm going to do it. I'm considering partial hanging or the night night method. I don't know if I can make it to that date.
I think I'm going to go ahead and order the ratchet and cornhole packets today so that I can have them at home when I get back. I might just be missing home and safety of my own bed and it'll pass when I return but I'm not sure. This is a new low level to my mental health and it's scaring me.
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