I don't think i can hold on too long anymore

[liberty_222]

I'm a virgin and I wished that my first time having consensual sex wouldn't have to be like this, but I've arranged to meet an older man who is willing to pay me quick bucks in return for sex. I thought i could hold on longer and make more money through this till i could afford n but I'm barely functioning...
My triggers have left me with crippling emotional pain. I think I'll have to go through with SN. I will order it after i get money from that guy.

I'll do the 48 hours regimen. I'll take the meto and antacid and painkiller to assist with the ctb. I don't think I will be able to get a hand on a benzo or beta blocker. I can't ask dad to get it since they're not commonly used medicines. I just hope everything works out and I'm gone within this month.

 

[Suicidebydeath]

Can we get a fund together so that you don't have to do this?

How much will SN cost you? (I had to reread it because I read it as N first)

 

[Darkover]

choose" prostitution because they have no better economic options, does that sound like a choice to you? no it sounds like coercion

 

[liberty_222]

choose" prostitution because they have no better economic options, does that sound like a choice to you? no it sounds like coercion

No one is coercing me. Ultimately I am the one who decided upon it. So it's not fair to blame someone else. Or oh are you saying I'm coercing someone I'm sorry i didn't understand

 

[Suicidebydeath]

No he means the other person(older man) may be coercing you. But even if they don't know your reasons for this choice, I don't think it's a good idea. It will heighten your emotional pain, especially because it's your first time. You should be able to choose who you have your first experience with. I have strong feelings about this. Consider alternatives please.

 

[Darkover]

No one is coercing me. Ultimately I am the one who decided upon it. So it's not fair to blame someone else. Or oh are you saying I'm coercing someone I'm sorry i didn't understand

coercing was the wrong word to use i don't think you should be pressured into prostitution for lack of money you deserve better
i use myfreecams for intimacy maybe you could look into being a cam girl to make some money idk
i don't see anything wrong with girls masterbating on camera it's basically free you don't have to give the girls tokens unless you want to buy their videos on snapchat or onlyfans page.

 

[liberty_222]

No he means the other person(older man) may be coercing you. But even if they don't know your reasons for this choice, I don't think it's a good idea. It will heighten your emotional pain, especially because it's your first time. You should be able to choose who you have your first experience with. I have strong feelings about this. Consider alternatives please.

No no he's not coercing me i willingly approached him with my intentions to make him my sugar daddy. He's not all that old he's just 33.

coercing was the wrong word to use i don't think you should be pressured into prostitution for lack of money you deserve better

It's okay I'm just paying for my sins

 

[Elri]

Honey don't do this you will regret it badly, you don't need N for your desire a lot of members passed away peacefully with SN, which is 15 bucks top

 

[liberty_222]

More like ten dollars here and it's honestly not much i know. I just do not have a way of getting any money whatsoever without my parents knowing. Because I don't have a bank account either so i can't use most online payment methods except Paytm. I know it sounds fucked up but it is what it is. I just hope you all don't judge me for it. It's just how i am

Honey don't do this you will regret it badly, you don't need N for your desire a lot of members passed away peacefully with SN, which is 15 bucks top

 

[viniboi9]

how old are you? I'm worried you're meeting up with a predator

 

[Suicidebydeath]

No one is going to judge you. Is there some way we can help you set up a bank account or something similar that you can use for money? I don't know Paytm, time to google. You don't have to answer questions about age and stuff.

 

[Darkover]

what two consenting adults do between themselves is their business so long has no one is caused anyone any harm

 

[liberty_222]

I'm 19

how old are you? I'm worried you're meeting up with a predator

No one is going to judge you. Is there some way we can help you set up a bank account or something similar that you can use for money? I don't know Paytm, time to google. You don't have to answer questions about age and stuff.

Yes Paytm is actually India specific. Hey y'all don't need to worry about me okay? I just, i needed a place to put my feelings out...

 

[Suicidebydeath]

Yes Paytm is actually India specific. Hey y'all don't need to worry about me okay? I just, i needed a place to put my feelings out...

Totally understandable.

 

[Elri]

More like ten dollars here and it's honestly not much i know. I just do not have a way of getting any money whatsoever without my parents knowing. Because I don't have a bank account either so i can't use most online payment methods except Paytm. I know it sounds fucked up but it is what it is. I just hope you all don't judge me for it. It's just how i am

I won't judge you , i don't really care about the sexual part or doing sex for money being taboo, i care about the effect it will have on you afterwards, you may think it's just one night but could turn into a disaster, you could get disease, and even get traumatized forever. For the money how much do you think SN cost in your country? Maybe you could post a donation link to someone's bank acc that you trust(like a friend) and share it here so people can help you so you don't have to do this. or I Know ut sounds like a bad idea but steal from your parents , it's bad but much better than the sex job. I hope you find peace

 

[Suicidebydeath]

In this day and age a lot of sex workers just do everything online without actually ever having to meet someone in person. I don't know what your home situation is like, but at 19 you should be able to get a bank account and some privacy.

 

[liberty_222]

No i am genuinely aware of the emotional consequences it could and actually would have on me but I'm still...
I low-key want to hurt myself emotionally. It sounds really impulsive and crazy and it is but
I am not very sure how to explain what is on my mind and what tf I'm doing to myself...

I won't judge you , i don't really care about the sexual part or doing sex for money being taboo, i care about the effect it will have on you afterwards, you may think it's just one night but could turn into a disaster, you could get disease, and even get traumatized forever. For the money how much do you think SN cost in your country? Maybe you could post a donation link to someone's bank acc that you trust(like a friend) and share it here so people can help you so you don't have to do this. or I Know ut sounds like a bad idea but steal from your parents , it's bad but much better than the sex job. I hope you find peace

I just want to add to this i know i seem desperate and i am but don't try to pm me asking for calls or something looking to exploit my situation.

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry you are in this situation. It really is horrible being alive. I hope you find peace and freedom from suffering.

 

[rationaltake]

More like ten dollars here and it's honestly not much i know. I just do not have a way of getting any money whatsoever without my parents knowing. Because I don't have a bank account either so i can't use most online payment methods except Paytm. I know it sounds fucked up but it is what it is. I just hope you all don't judge me for it. It's just how i am

People are not judging you at all. People are saddened that you are in this position and concerned about your welfare. Are your parents the sort of people who care about you?

 

[cambrai33]

No i am genuinely aware of the emotional consequences it could and actually would have on me but I'm still...
I low-key want to hurt myself emotionally. It sounds really impulsive and crazy and it is but
I am not very sure how to explain what is on my mind and what tf I'm doing to myself...

I generally know fuck all to be honest, but…..

Do you want to hurt yourself emotionally because right now you can't feel anything, like living as a zombie? You just want to at least feel?

Im that zombie, I feel nothing inside, I feel for others but at the same time disconnected from all around me, I want to feel something, a connection, an emotion ….something

I can't comment on your choices as they are yours, I just want to say I really hope you find another way

 

[ikadasui]

I'd highly advise against that. This is something that like as others have said you will most certainly regret

 

[obliviousatbest]

Girl I understand the need for indirect self harm but this one might not be a good choice and could slowly lead you down a darker route than one would like to consider possible at this point. I personally dont think 19 is old for a virgin despite this modern society's hypnotism with sex, and you should not be ashamed of it or give it away like its disposable. It will haunt you forever. I respect whatever decision you take but there are always other options as ppl above have discussed. Wishing you peace

 

[Rayzieka]

I highly suggest you don't do this. It can go very wrong.
I know you don't want this but I'm sure many people would like to help rather than not know if you're locked up somewhere suffering or gone.

 

[falling bird]

I'm 19


Yes Paytm is actually India specific. Hey y'all don't need to worry about me okay? I just, i needed a place to put my feelings out...

Why would you want to end your life and your only 19 years old?

 

[4eyebiped]

Age is meaningless when it comes to mental or physical pain.

 

[NormaJeane]

Be a prostitute as long as you can, because when you get old no one wants you! Prostitution is the best job - you will get a lot of money for a short time job!

 

[falling bird]

Age is meaningless when it comes to mental or physical pain.

Why not seek professional help?

 

[StarryStarry]

I'm a virgin and I wished that my first time having consensual sex wouldn't have to be like this, but I've arranged to meet an older man who is willing to pay me quick bucks in return for sex. I thought i could hold on longer and make more money through this till i could afford n but I'm barely functioning...
My triggers have left me with crippling emotional pain. I think I'll have to go through with SN. I will order it after i get money from that guy.

I'll do the 48 hours regimen. I'll take the meto and antacid and painkiller to assist with the ctb. I don't think I will be able to get a hand on a benzo or beta blocker. I can't ask dad to get it since they're not commonly used medicines. I just hope everything works out and I'm gone within this month.

Okay, so the mama in me is coming out - ignore me if you want, but I have to say this. PLEASE PLEASE DON"T do this. Meeting up with someone that you don't really know is a really bad idea. You may not need the SN he may just take your life. Please reconsider. There are other ways to make money that are safer. I know this is none of my business, but I'm concerned.

 

[4eyebiped]

Why not seek professional help?

Not everyone has that option for many reasons. Can vary from a prestigious family trying to preserve some bullshit image, to money, healthcare accessibility, someone not wanting to be ostracized and so on. All areas of the world are not equal. With that said, I recommend everyone try all resources available to them, including this site, before doing anything drastic.

Be a prostitute as long as you can, because when you get old no one wants you! Prostitution is the best job - you will get a lot of money for a short time job!

Usually the women no one wants that are older, is often due to attitude, or they themselves being overly picky, than them simply not being desirable and wanted. Sure there will be exceptions, but on the whole, women are valuable and desirable at all ages.

 

[falling bird]

Not everyone has that option for many reasons. Can vary from a prestigious family trying to preserve some bullshit image, to money, healthcare accessibility, someone not wanting to be ostracized and so on. All areas of the world are not equal. With that said, I recommend everyone try all resources available to them, including this site, before doing anything drastic.

Usually the women no one wants that are older, is often due to attitude, or they themselves being overly picky, than them simply not being desirable and wanted. Sure there will be exceptions, but on the whole, women are valuable and desirable at all ages.

Not everyone has that option for many reasons. Can vary from a prestigious family trying to preserve some bullshit image, to money, healthcare accessibility, someone not wanting to be ostracized and so on. All areas of the world are not equal. With that said, I recommend everyone try all resources available to them, including this site, before doing anything drastic.

Usually the women no one wants that are older, is often due to attitude, or they themselves being overly picky, than them simply not being desirable and wanted. Sure there will be exceptions, but on the whole, women are valuable and desirable at all ages.

Just out of curiosity, does everyone on this forum has suicidal thoughts? And when name are cross out what is that mean?