Hi everyone. The new year just started and it's already going to hell. I lost my closest friend, someone who I've known for 10+ years because of a stupid mistake I've made.
Before he cut me off he sent me a message and it just hurts reading it. But the way he worded it made it seem like it wasn't forever, That we'll patch things up eventually.
But nothing ever goes right for me. He wants me to see things through, he says he knows I'm strong, and that I'm a good person. But I'm not all those things. I want to change, but is change even possible for someone like me? I've been straight-up ghosting my other friends because I can't bring myself to talk to them. I'm scared of messing up again. The only option I see for someone like me is CTB and finally finding peace. But. for some reason I want to be proven wrong. My thoughts are a mess and everythings spinning. I don't know what to do anymore.
Before he cut me off he sent me a message and it just hurts reading it. But the way he worded it made it seem like it wasn't forever, That we'll patch things up eventually.
But nothing ever goes right for me. He wants me to see things through, he says he knows I'm strong, and that I'm a good person. But I'm not all those things. I want to change, but is change even possible for someone like me? I've been straight-up ghosting my other friends because I can't bring myself to talk to them. I'm scared of messing up again. The only option I see for someone like me is CTB and finally finding peace. But. for some reason I want to be proven wrong. My thoughts are a mess and everythings spinning. I don't know what to do anymore.
