That's it. I've just felt like a burden for years, I hate my life, I've never been able to be happy since I was 10 years old and yet I can't end it all. Well, I can. However, someone is stopping me, and not directly, but because they know how my death would affect her, and I don't want to hurt my girlfriend in any way. I met her a few months ago, we talk about the future, we plan things together and I love her so much, and I know it's mutual, but I can't imagine a future in which I'm happy. Oh, and yes. My girlfriend knows about all this, I met her just by commenting about it on a social network (funny way, I know). Anyway, what I mean is; I don't know how to kill myself without destroying her life. You might even argue that I'm not important enough to go to that length, and I would agree, But everything leads me to believe that I'm wrong and that I would ruin her life with this. I don't know what to do and, at the same time that I feel happy every time I'm around her, I'm always thinking about that. I genuinely wish I could erase my existence from people's minds and just die somewhere they would never find me. Rot in a forest, away from everyone and without causing trouble. I feel genuinely lost in life, and a real failure. This is the only place I can really express my frustration, although I'm still a bit afraid.
needthebus
Student
- Apr 29, 2024
- 186
that's awful
there's no easy solution to this
i bet you are totally hot and she's madly in love with you and will just be destroyed if you die
you could try ketamine? for treatment resistant depression?
there's no easy solution to this
i bet you are totally hot and she's madly in love with you and will just be destroyed if you die
you could try ketamine? for treatment resistant depression?
Actually, I don't have that much self-esteem. I don't think I'm hot, bro, but I know I still make her happy.
I've never been able to see a psychologist/psychiatrist due to the prices in my country, so I may not be able to get treatment for the next few years. But I really want to try.
The question is whether I will be able to maintain my sanity until then, at least to the point of not ending everything.
