There were two important football games in my country recently and there will be another one soon. I might watch the champions leage final but on the other hand it really is late at night.
I just watched how the fans escalated due to a fucking soccer title. They cried, you could see their panic, fear and desperation. When I watched these scenes I felt really alienated.
People really dedicate so much time and energy for the sake of a sports club. Like what do these people get in exchange for it? They travel to foreign countries to support their club. It reminds me of my time as a child or teenager. I even cried sometimes when my team lost. I felt so sad when Germany lost 2006 against Italy. I was so fucking sad. I thought this was one of the sadest moments in my life to that point.
Remembering this now is really surreal. I have so much really existential sorrows and fears every single day. I ruminate on a daily basis myriads of hours about my unsolvable problems. I have the feeling these people might stay innocent in some way. Sports can give them the feeling just as if they were kids again. Sports can really unite people I don't want to deny that. I don't want to deteriorate them this feeling.
But it is just not for me the same anymore. I feel so indifferent when I watch these games. Sometimes it is still fun but way way less than in the past. I just reflected much on the sport. Maybe it sounds arrogant but I think my self-consciousness played a role in destroying the experience. I ask myself if the sports still represent my values. And this sport is through and through commercialized. The sponsoring of sports betting and dictatorships really annoy me.
Many players and consultants are very greedy. For me the sport lost its innocence but maybe this was all only deceiving right from the start.
I have so many important issues I cannot really spend so much energy on sports. Though maybe my obsession with politics is comparable to the love for sports.
You could also say that my obsession with my suicide is not really productive. I should watch sports instead. This is something my dad would probably say. But I think a part of my soul really needs this silence and melancholia. Thinking actively about it gives me a way to cope. Especially when I write my emotions down.
Can you relate to being enthusiastic about sports? Have you lost your interest just like me? Or maybe you can still preserve the passion you once had as a child.
I just watched how the fans escalated due to a fucking soccer title. They cried, you could see their panic, fear and desperation. When I watched these scenes I felt really alienated.
People really dedicate so much time and energy for the sake of a sports club. Like what do these people get in exchange for it? They travel to foreign countries to support their club. It reminds me of my time as a child or teenager. I even cried sometimes when my team lost. I felt so sad when Germany lost 2006 against Italy. I was so fucking sad. I thought this was one of the sadest moments in my life to that point.
Remembering this now is really surreal. I have so much really existential sorrows and fears every single day. I ruminate on a daily basis myriads of hours about my unsolvable problems. I have the feeling these people might stay innocent in some way. Sports can give them the feeling just as if they were kids again. Sports can really unite people I don't want to deny that. I don't want to deteriorate them this feeling.
But it is just not for me the same anymore. I feel so indifferent when I watch these games. Sometimes it is still fun but way way less than in the past. I just reflected much on the sport. Maybe it sounds arrogant but I think my self-consciousness played a role in destroying the experience. I ask myself if the sports still represent my values. And this sport is through and through commercialized. The sponsoring of sports betting and dictatorships really annoy me.
Many players and consultants are very greedy. For me the sport lost its innocence but maybe this was all only deceiving right from the start.
I have so many important issues I cannot really spend so much energy on sports. Though maybe my obsession with politics is comparable to the love for sports.
You could also say that my obsession with my suicide is not really productive. I should watch sports instead. This is something my dad would probably say. But I think a part of my soul really needs this silence and melancholia. Thinking actively about it gives me a way to cope. Especially when I write my emotions down.
Can you relate to being enthusiastic about sports? Have you lost your interest just like me? Or maybe you can still preserve the passion you once had as a child.
