Help I don’t mean to be

[SolomonKado]

After everything that has happened to me in my 40+ years I have become increasingly bitter. It becomes so much at times that it overflows and affects other people. I really don't mean to be and I hate more then anything hurting anyone. I just want to be a safe place for people.

I have been in therapy and taking psych meds for 20+ years. They keep it from completely overtaking me 24 hours and 7 days a week, but it hasn't really taught me to heal. I keep getting tools to "help", but when those episodes hit me I lose all control because of how extreme the episodes can be. I just really feel the medical field treats people in a cookie cutter way and not a case by case basis.

At this point I don't see myself getting better with the current medical system and that's ok. Maybe I've had bad help and there is someone or something out there to really help me, but with all my time I haven't found it. Maybe it's just me and I haven't put the effort in…. Who knows…

If I react badly to you I am deeply sorry. I've always wanted to take care of others and be a safe place, but my condition pushes people away❤. I try and fill my profile of all the good things so people hopefully don't see the angry person I've become, but the positive, loving, helpful person I tried to be…

 

[cjb]

Idk if it helps to know, but you're not alone. I'm 22 and have become so cynical and bitter and hopeless. I lash out when off my meds or in extreme physical pain and it's caused certain people to leave me.
I am ashamed of my behavior and myself

 

[Sonny77]

Life is very depressing. In the course of my life I have learned that there are people who can deal with life among people and take advantage of it. This is often associated with mendacity, falsehood, manipulation and egoism. Other people who are more sensitive recognize this falsehood and cannot live with it. In addition, it is also the ones who are exploited, abused or whatever. I don't get upset about it anymore, but if the others want it that way, then I just disappear. The world itself is beautiful, man is the virus that destroys everything. Just my opinion!

Ich weiß nicht, ob es hilft, es zu wissen, aber Sie sind nicht allein. Ich bin 22 und so zynisch, verbittert und hoffnungslos geworden. Ich schlage zu, wenn ich meine Medikamente absetze oder extreme körperliche Schmerzen habe, und das hat dazu geführt, dass bestimmte Leute mich verlassen haben.
Ich schäme mich für mein Verhalten und mich selbst

Dont shame you, you are an indiviual life with your own freedom of choice to do what you want with your life. Dying is part of life and is an unavoidable fact after your birth. Everyone has the freedom to end their life. Do you know the movie Live of Brian?