Venting I dont know whats true

[Cristobal9613]

Man i feel stuck. Ive had a hard time finding a will for the last 10 years of my life now and I dont think i have it in me to hurt everybody i love, they wont understand. About a year ago i got into my first real carreer and got into a relationship with a single mom. We've had the talk about my past and shes aware of how over i am with existing. The two times ive gotten drunk around her she tells me all i do is cry about wanting to kms. Then i tell her im okay and slap a smile on my face. But i dont know whats true anymore. Have i been suppressing myself since i met her? I thought i was on a good track to recovery since i moved back to my home state but i still feel this darkness over me and i have more negative journals than positive. I tried moving 500+ miles away fresh out of HS to start a new life and i ended up getting saved by my family when they kicked down my door after i quit my job, left my gf of 6 years and sold my valuables. I care too much for all my people but i dont care enough about myself. Im stuck and dont know what the truth is. Do i want it or do i not? Why am i stalling? Why do i still think about it?

 

[ZeroSuitDoomgirl]

I know how rough it is to be unable to tell how you feel about something this important, I know I personally came to this site hoping to find some answers. I personally don't really know whether I want to go on living or not, and I fully understand how hard it can be to tell sometimes. I can't personally answer these questions for you, but meeting people on this site can give you new perspectives from people who are struggling too. Welcome to SaSu.

 

[FuneralCry]

It does sound tiring being trapped in that situation where you are uncertain, but anyway I wish you the best in whatever happens going forward.