Story I don't know what to do..

[Wintered]

I've been working restlessly since 19th Nov 2017 the day I moved out from my home and family.

My father always thought mom was cheating on him, and sometimes beat the s**t out of her. He killed himself in 2009.
He was right. Mom WAS cheating on him. I found that out a few years later my dad died. And when I confronted that guy, my mom was just watching when I was assaulted by him.
That was the 19th Nov 2017, and I was 26 back then, a broken university student.
I had to do both work and study and luckily graduated in 2019, but still cannot get away from crappy job. Too much workloads and too little wages..

I think I've had enough, and want to take a mindless rest for some time.
I called the government issued mental care center but they said they had nothing to support me, since I was a grown up guy who can make money.
I don't know what to do now. I'm still under the tons of workloads and don't want to work no more.
I literally can't breathe cause of panic. Also I live alone and not in relationship.
I need a break but I'm afraid I don't have enough savings left, also I'm quite old to start the new and better career.
Maybe this is the end..maybe death is my last resort.

I don't know. Right now I can't even think clearly.

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry you are in this situation, it sounds like you have been through a lot. I know that it can be unbearable when you are suffering so much. This life can be very exhausting and I understand that when everything seems hopeless it can be dreadful. I wish you the best in whatever happens.

 

[12345678]

I am sorry to hear you. But I think you desperately need to take a small break and maybe you can think clearly what is best for you. Goodluck in whatever you decide

 

[Somber]

I've been working restlessly since 19th Nov 2017 the day I moved out from my home and family.

My father always thought mom was cheating on him, and sometimes beat the s**t out of her. He killed himself in 2009.
He was right. Mom WAS cheating on him. I found that out a few years later my dad died. And when I confronted that guy, my mom was just watching when I was assaulted by him.
That was the 19th Nov 2017, and I was 26 back then, a broken university student.
I had to do both work and study and luckily graduated in 2019, but still cannot get away from crappy job. Too much workloads and too little wages..

I think I've had enough, and want to take a mindless rest for some time.
I called the government issued mental care center but they said they had nothing to support me, since I was a grown up guy who can make money.
I don't know what to do now. I'm still under the tons of workloads and don't want to work no more.
I literally can't breathe cause of panic. Also I live alone and not in relationship.
I need a break but I'm afraid I don't have enough savings left, also I'm quite old to start the new and better career.
Maybe this is the end..maybe death is my last resort.

I don't know. Right now I can't even think clearly.

If you need a break, get a less demanding job or a part time one, so you can collect your thoughts and figure out what you want to do.

And while I agree that your age is always old as you have never been this old before, someone in their early thirties is not old.

If you could juggle work with studying despite your domestic situation, you can definitely do whatever you set your mind on.

 

[rationaltake]

Right now are you able to take some sick leave? Give you a chance to rest and think.

 

[Wintered]

If you need a break, get a less demanding job or a part time one, so you can collect your thoughts and figure out what you want to do.

And while I agree that your age is always old as you have never been this old before, someone in their early thirties is not old.

If you could juggle work with studying despite your domestic situation, you can definitely do whatever you set your mind on.

Less demanding job..I should consider that.

Right now are you able to take some sick leave? Give you a chance to rest and think.

I'm the only guy who can handle some specific task..so no, I cannot even take a day off till April.

Man, I'm not used to this thread-style posts. Sorry if I made mistakes or something with formats here.