Venting I don’t know what to do

[PotentiallyWasted]

I think life can be worth living. I really do. I think being suicidal is a mental illness sometimes if not most times that can be cured, or at least I hope so.

Basically what I want to say is that I don't know if I should either seek help or simply kill myself, but I know I must choose one because I can't keep going like this. This endless cycle consisting of being ultra depressed and suicidal for like a month and then moving on to passive suicidal ideation thinking i'm better just to be met with the fact that the urge to kill myself will eventually come back, stronger.

What I fear is going to therapy just for it not to work and for my loved ones to see me differently for going to it. I live with my parents and siblings since I don't have enough money yet to move out, so eventually they will have to know i'm going to therapy.

Killing myself feels like the better option. It looks more attractive. Sometimes I even get aroused by the mere thought of it.

I don't know, what do y'all think..?

 

[JealousOfTheElderly]

If you have doubts about suicide, then don't do it. This means it's not time yet. It doesn't have to mean that time will be never, but simply not right now. The cycle of depression and suicidal is a very difficult one, no doubt. However, in my opinion (and this is my opinion), therapy does NOT work. I have not found a good therapist. Also, everyone will find out.
Could AI / ChatGPT be your therapist? (Make sure you change the settings so that it doesn't store your info. Then delete the conversations when you are done. ) Talking to AI has worked for me. You don't have human biases the way you do with a therapist. Also, these forums have been the best therapy as well. I am so thankful for SS.

 

[MyShadow]

I think life can be worth living. I really do. I think being suicidal is a mental illness sometimes if not most times that can be cured, or at least I hope so.

Basically what I want to say is that I don't know if I should either seek help or simply kill myself, but I but I must choose one because I can't keep going like this. This endless cycle consisting of being ultra depressed and suicidal for like a month and then moving on to passive suicidal ideation thinking i'm better just to be met with the fact that the urge to kill myself will eventually come back, stronger.

What I fear is going to therapy just for it not to work and for my loved ones to see me differently for going to it. I live with my parents and siblings since I don't have enough money yet to move out, so eventually they will have to know i'm going to therapy.

Killing myself feels like the better option. It looks more attractive. Sometimes I even get aroused by the mere thought of it.

I don't know, what do y'all think..?

I believe that if therapy helps give you a path through your pain, then that is the way to go. However, I do not agree with your statement about suicide being a mental illness in of itself. Thoughts of suicide are often symptoms of mental illness and there are no definitive "cures" for it. Hence why people struggle and often seek help.

Regardless, I hope that you find peace.

 

[PotentiallyWasted]

If you have doubts about suicide, then don't do it. This means it's not time yet. It doesn't have to mean that time will be never, but simply not right now. The cycle of depression and suicidal is a very difficult one, no doubt. However, in my opinion (and this is my opinion), therapy does NOT work. I have not found a good therapist. Also, everyone will find out.
Could AI / ChatGPT be your therapist? (Make sure you change the settings so that it doesn't store your info. Then delete the conversations when you are done. ) Talking to AI has worked for me. You don't have human biases the way you do with a therapist. Also, these forums have been the best therapy as well. I am so thankful for SS.

I don't know if I can say I'm doubting suicide because if I had access to a shotgun or SN I would 100% kill myself. These moments of considering help are essentially the downtime between now and the moment I get what I need to kill myself. Also regarding chatgpt fuck that mf it's been my therapist for a year and a half and I genuinely think i'm talking to a wall.

 

[Cosmophobic]

You think that life could be worth living and you're hopeful that suicidal ideation can be cured. I think you should try therapy. The thing is unless you get lucky and find a good therapist first go you might have to shop around. Don't settle for a therapist that you don't have any rapport with.

Is your worry that your loved ones would see you differently based on anything factual?

 

[PotentiallyWasted]

Is your worry that your loved ones would see you differently based on anything factual?

wdym?

 

[Cosmophobic]

wdym?

Have they ever acted in a way that makes you think they'd judge you for something so common as needing to attend therapy?

 

[PotentiallyWasted]

Have they ever acted in a way that makes you think they'd judge you for something so common as needing to attend therapy?

They won't react negatively, I am sure of that. They might even be supportive. That's kind of what i'm worried about. I don't want them to treat me differently or with extra care just because I'm seeking help. I want professional help not hugs and kisses from my mom or motivational speeches from my brother.

 

[Forever Sleep]

People don't only seek out therapy for ideation. It could be a whole number of reasons. Help in overcoming certain anxieties. It could even be interpreted as a positive, constructive step by your family- to get more out of life.

I suppose I always feel, whilst there is still fascination or hope with things life related, it's at least worth trying them. Although, I can undestand the hesitation in possibly setting ourselves up for a fall. Still, we simply won't know whether things will work, unless we try them.

 

[Cosmophobic]

They won't react negatively, I am sure of that. They might even be supportive. That's kind of what i'm worried about. I don't want them to treat me differently or with extra care just because I'm seeking help. I want professional help not hugs and kisses from my mom or motivational speeches from my brother.

Ah ok. That's a better problem to have. You could just tell them to ease off on the mushy stuff if they start in with that? Say the therapy is your business and it'll work better if they're not overly involved.