NEVberten
Freak
- Jun 11, 2024
- 12
I wanna attempt again soon, I'm tired. I wanna vent properly but I can't. I wish someone gave me the things to do it and I just had to choose when and where. I wanna do it with someone, I wish I could've do it with my partner. Figure out a method and be able to cuddle up and go together. But I have mix feeling over that idea.
I've been dealing with whatever fuckin mental illness I have (most likely schitzophrenia but I HATE self diagnosing) even if it's only been 2-3 years, its already fuckin tiring. And it's getting worse, I can't think clearly something or I believe whatever lie I told myself or "them" yk. (Hate sayings "the voices")
I tried breaking up with my partner yesterday, I felt like it was the best thing to do, I did still love them but I don't think I should be with them. They're poly and I am or was, I don't know if this has happened to someone else but my fuckin head now can't handle it. I don't know if I'm still poly or if I ever was now, and i really don't wanna blame it on being possibly schizophrenic. I get so paranoid, and I feel like I don't let my partner be themselves.
I did get back with them, but idk. Being together still well probably hurt them when I attempt again. If I do tho, I really hope it works
Usually I'd deal with this with sh but I got caught by my mom. She said if I relapse she'll kick me out.. I been doing in places where my underwear would cover, but it's really good not enough at all. Hate it. Can't go as deep as I used to ether.
I've been dealing with whatever fuckin mental illness I have (most likely schitzophrenia but I HATE self diagnosing) even if it's only been 2-3 years, its already fuckin tiring. And it's getting worse, I can't think clearly something or I believe whatever lie I told myself or "them" yk. (Hate sayings "the voices")
I tried breaking up with my partner yesterday, I felt like it was the best thing to do, I did still love them but I don't think I should be with them. They're poly and I am or was, I don't know if this has happened to someone else but my fuckin head now can't handle it. I don't know if I'm still poly or if I ever was now, and i really don't wanna blame it on being possibly schizophrenic. I get so paranoid, and I feel like I don't let my partner be themselves.
I did get back with them, but idk. Being together still well probably hurt them when I attempt again. If I do tho, I really hope it works
Usually I'd deal with this with sh but I got caught by my mom. She said if I relapse she'll kick me out.. I been doing in places where my underwear would cover, but it's really good not enough at all. Hate it. Can't go as deep as I used to ether.
