I dont know what to do to be honest

[continuing]

I feel like im really close to be honest, i would have tried monday but unfortunely i need to check my mom at the hospital, i would try today but cause of her situation (broke her arm), i dont want to risk trying and failing.

Its so dumb, is because of a guy, i mean not that, i guess he is the trigger like, i see him as a way of fixing my life, a kinda of hope that if i can get him, i might get better, yesterday he went to a party and now im just afraid of his response of (oh it was so cool, i got kissed, fall in love, etc...), i know, is ridiculos, i with i cound feel this, like it woundnt affect me, but it does...

But the true is, is not him, is my idealization of him, that if somehow i become his special one, my life would be fixed and i would actually be ok, but no, i felt like that before him, for other reasons, i will feel like this for other reasons as well.

And if my life is death, feel suicidal cause of him, or other reasons, feeling trapped in a bad job, always feeling off, wrong, whats the point ?, why would i want to continue ?, im broken, normal people dont feel like that, they get sad but they move on, but i, i get sad and i stop, froze and i wish for death.

Normal people have hope, I've lost hope...

I wish i could have someone to talk with, Ive watched some youtube videos and they suck, all of them talk about hope, they talk like good things can happen, but, bad things can happen too...

 

[justanotherfailure]

I'm sorry you're in pain. Sadness and loneliness are hard things to deal with. Sending hugs as best I can over an internet connection

 

[continuing]

I'm sorry you're in pain. Sadness and loneliness are hard things to deal with. Sending hugs as best I can over an internet connection

thanks either way, its funny thought, i dont feel lonely, i feel hopeless, i feel no mather what i do or stay in my life, the bad feelings will always be there

 

[behindtheveil]

I feel like im really close to be honest, i would have tried monday but unfortunely i need to check my mom at the hospital, i would try today but cause of her situation (broke her arm), i dont want to risk trying and failing.

Its so dumb, is because of a guy, i mean not that, i guess he is the trigger like, i see him as a way of fixing my life, a kinda of hope that if i can get him, i might get better, yesterday he went to a party and now im just afraid of his response of (oh it was so cool, i got kissed, fall in love, etc...), i know, is ridiculos, i with i cound feel this, like it woundnt affect me, but it does...

But the true is, is not him, is my idealization of him, that if somehow i become his special one, my life would be fixed and i would actually be ok, but no, i felt like that before him, for other reasons, i will feel like this for other reasons as well.

And if my life is death, feel suicidal cause of him, or other reasons, feeling trapped in a bad job, always feeling off, wrong, whats the point ?, why would i want to continue ?, im broken, normal people dont feel like that, they get sad but they move on, but i, i get sad and i stop, froze and i wish for death.

Normal people have hope, I've lost hope...

I wish i could have someone to talk with, Ive watched some youtube videos and they suck, all of them talk about hope, they talk like good things can happen, but, bad things can happen too...

Hey, whatever you are feeling, you are allowed to feel that. Life's not a walk in the park. If anything, way complicated that our tiny minds can ever comprehends.
If this is what you want, then it's your wish and choice. But don't let someone else or a certain circumstance be the sole reason for this. In this life, we don't owe each other anything. Some do say," Oh it must be a previous karma or deed that has got you to this point." I am not sure of it since its the big guy upstairs whose job it is.
But what I do feel like is that life is like a platform or airport, where we were dropped off, waiting for our plane, train or bus to the final destination. What we do with our time here that's a different story.

What'd you say?

 

[continuing]

Hey, whatever you are feeling, you are allowed to feel that. Life's not a walk in the park. If anything, way complicated that our tiny minds can ever comprehends.
If this is what you want, then it's your wish and choice. But don't let someone else or a certain circumstance be the sole reason for this. In this life, we don't owe each other anything. Some do say," Oh it must be a previous karma or deed that has got you to this point." I am not sure of it since its the big guy upstairs whose job it is.
But what I do feel like is that life is like a platform or airport, where we were dropped off, waiting for our plane, train or bus to the final destination. What we do with our time here that's a different story.

What'd you say?

yeah i cant undertand your point, but i cant deny i really dont belive theres going to be anything else there you know.

I wish i could have something more to say about it, in the end is not just one thing, is a lot of things, he is just something else that happened and affected me.