I don’t know what it is, so it must be a...

[Callie Arcale]

All my life I I was very close to a family member but during the last year I decided to cut contact with them. The reason is that they were always giving me advice about my health problems.

I am not one to argue with people, mainly because I lack the stamina to deal with conflicts. So I never made a big deal out of it, although it bothered me immensely. For the longest time I tried to explain to this person - in a gentle but firm manner - that what they were saying was simply wrong and that they didn't know the first thing about my diagnoses.

Their answer was invariably the same "Well, I'm not a doctor, of course, but I've read boks, I watch tv, and it must be that you are ill because of lack of exercise, or lack of sunshine, or you not following the coconut oil diet, or you not doing yoga, or this ... or that... "

This way of thinking is very common amongst folks who give health advice. "I don't know what X is, I am not a trained medical professional, but I'm sure that you need Y."

So you just said you didn't know, but you still dish out advice.

It's like people claiming to have seen UFOs. "I don't know what it was up there is the sky, officer, so it must be an alien ship". (Face slap!)

Tonight I am a bit sad that this relative is no longer in my life and I felt the need to share this story. I don't regret distancing myself from them, as they had crossed too many lines, but it feels weird.

Anyone else cut contact with people or relatives due to similar reasons?

 

[WornOutLife]

People love giving advice about things they have no idea about at all.

Since I'm overweight, people keep telling me things such as: "hey, you're fat. You should lose some weight because it's unhealthy to be like that" and I'm like "oh really? I had no idea you asshole! Just stfu and whenever I feel like (just like now), I'll lose some weight".

I think it's okay for you not to waste your energy on these individuals. It's not worth.

Anyway, I don't talk to some family members and ex friends because of this.

Wish u the best. Hugs and love,

Matt

 

[GenesAndEnvironment]

Will never cut contact with family, have no problems clinching with people and not have it turn into a fight. What you experienced is common, someone is offering unwanted advice instead of listening. I'd wager that the lack of listening what was the core cause of the distancing. What's counter-intuitive is that the best strategy to be heard is often to muster the strength to listen first.

See, I just gave unwanted advice without indicating in any way that I received and understood what you said. This is a big reason for my horrific post:reaction ratio.

 

[Makko]

People enjoy putting their knowledge to use and feeling like they're making a positive difference. Whether the knowledge is actually relevant and whether they're actually making a positive difference doesn't matter.

This is one of the many reasons I've distanced myself from (all of) my relatives. Although as typical of Asian family seniors it didn't come as advice, but as mandatory instruction, and put me in a very difficult social position when I refused. Estrangement was the only way forward for me.

I'm going to mess myself up on my own terms, not on theirs.

 

[Callie Arcale]

People enjoy putting their knowledge to use and feeling like they're making a positive difference.

If my relative had any knowledge of medicine, I would not dismiss their advice. But this is a person who doesn't know anything about the phenomena she is talking about. She has no formal education and zero understanding of medicine or biochemistry.

Knowledge is the key word here.

I think that unless one has academic knowledge, or knowledge based on first hand personal experience, one should refrain from telling others what to do, when the person in question says "No!" over and over again.

I'm going to mess myself up on my own terms, not on theirs.

Quote of the day!

Although as typical of Asian family seniors it didn't come as advice, but as mandatory instruction,

Wow! In Western Europe most parents I know - including my own - give tentative suggestions. Kids are very independent and encouraged to make their own decisions.

 

[Scribble Fan]

I hear ya, I have a relative who is absolutely certain they know what's best for me. It's annoying as hell, especially when their advice would make me even more miserable than I already am.

I can't say I've burned my bridges but we hardly keep in contact.

 

[GenesAndEnvironment]

Kids are very independent and encouraged to make their own decisions.

This is one of the worst things about the west. It comes directly from stupid movie stereotypes when some idiot kid wants to paint and his dad doesn't let him.