Venting I don't know what I'm supposed to feel

[throneofdispair03]

taking prozac for more than a month now and i don't know what to feel. I feel happy... sure... but i can tell that something is off about it. Like, instead of self loathing and feeling like shit about it, self loathing just does nothing to me even though what I'm saying about myself is true. I used to enjoy thinking about death because I knew that it always had my back, but now I'm afraid of death. I don't feel in control when I'm medicated. I wish I could stop, but my parents watch me swallow the pill every day and check every crevice of my mouth. I can't think in the ways I want anymore. I feel like someone is forcing a smile on my face. I haven't changed any aspect of my life since the medication either. I'm still the same pathetic person I was since this started, but suddenly i'm happy now. I feel like I've only done this for attention. Fuck me. I just wish i could've killed myself whilst I still had my rope with me.

 

[pebpebpebpeb]

i'm sorry for what's happening to you. forcing medicine onto people is so gross.

do you think this 'off' feeling could be that you're so comfortable in depression, feeling happy is uncomfortable?

 

[throneofdispair03]

i'm sorry for what's happening to you. forcing medicine onto people is so gross.

do you think this 'off' feeling could be that you're so comfortable in depression, feeling happy is uncomfortable?

Yeah, i think so too. I talked to my therapist about stopping medication, but she said that it wasn't ideal because I already started it. I essentially just fucked myself by agreeing to start medication because I was in a mental health crisis when they asked the question and i wasn't thinking rationally.