Venting I don't know if I am ready to CTB

[pyontoo]

As the title says, I don't know if I am ready to CTB.
Please let me tell you what happened.
I am too awkward and too mentally unstable to maintain any relationships, whatever romantic or friendships, I am just wrong. I tried to go to the therapy but I soon run out of money so it is out of the quesiton.
One thing I always wanted in my life was group of friend. And I found it! And becasue of being myself I lost it. What happened is not important, It was entirely my fault and I am aware of that. Some thngs can not be fixed with simple apology so the least I could do was the just be cut off.
The thing is, I am nearly 26 years old. This was my first and last friend group. I dont know if I will ever able to form anymore friendhips like that. I feel huge guilt that I can not deal with.

"Oh you want to CTB becasue of such a stupid reason?"
Yes, like I said. This is what I always wanted in my life. To have a friend group, to go together somewhere whatever. I feel like this was my chance, my only chance in life and I just messed it up. I don't think that I will ever able to find any other friends and even if I find I will probably mees it up again.

After writing this I feel like I am set on CTB. The guilt it just too huge. Self harm is not enough anymore.
Sorry for my english, it is not my first language.

 

[UKscotty]

I don't believe anyone is truly ready until the final act. I become more and more sceptical as time goes on of people who claim otherwise.

Br gentle on yourself and good luck whatever you decide to do, it's your life remember.

 

[Sakura.]

As the title says, I don't know if I am ready to CTB.
Please let me tell you what happened.
I am too awkward and too mentally unstable to maintain any relationships, whatever romantic or friendships, I am just wrong. I tried to go to the therapy but I soon run out of money so it is out of the quesiton.
One thing I always wanted in my life was group of friend. And I found it! And becasue of being myself I lost it. What happened is not important, It was entirely my fault and I am aware of that. Some thngs can not be fixed with simple apology so the least I could do was the just be cut off.
The thing is, I am nearly 26 years old. This was my first and last friend group. I dont know if I will ever able to form anymore friendhips like that. I feel huge guilt that I can not deal with.

"Oh you want to CTB becasue of such a stupid reason?"
Yes, like I said. This is what I always wanted in my life. To have a friend group, to go together somewhere whatever. I feel like this was my chance, my only chance in life and I just messed it up. I don't think that I will ever able to find any other friends and even if I find I will probably mees it up again.

After writing this I feel like I am set on CTB. The guilt it just too huge. Self harm is not enough anymore.
Sorry for my english, it is not my first language.

Cześć!

Jest mi bardzo przykro z powodu tego, czego doświadczasz. Ja również bardzo cierpię - ze zbliżonych powodów.

Też nie mam żadnych przyjaciół - również jestem zbyt dziwny, by ktokolwiek chciał się ze mną zaprzyjaźnić. W moim przypadku jest to spowodowane tragicznym zaburzeniem lęku społecznego.

Nawet jeżeli udałoby mi się z kimkolwiek nawiązać koleżeńską relację, to najprawdopodobniej również szybko bym ją utracił z powodu "bycia sobą".

***

Czy chciałabyś spróbować się ze mną zaprzyjaźnić? Skoro oboje cierpimy w zbliżony sposób, to być może łatwiej byłoby nam się nawzajem zrozumieć, zaakceptować i się o siebie troszczyć.

Jeżeli byłabyś zainteresowana, to możesz przeczytać o mnie więcej w tym poście:

poland/polska

hej jest ktos z was z polski z tego forum? chetnie pogadam:)

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