ExistenceIsCruel
Member
- Jun 12, 2024
- 9
DISCLAIMER: you may encounter several grammatical errors, inconsistencies and/or even boredom.
I don't know what to do anymore, I seriously don't. I've been trying, though some might say it's not trying at all, but I have been. I tried to find a job and didn't get hired anywhere. I tried to go to school and finish it, but of course, it didn't work. I tried to "improve" myself, but again, it didn't work. What else could I try to do?
I'm no expert in psychology, but I would assume I'm too borderline autistic to make friends now. It's not like I didn't try already; it's just that I'm awkward and dumb. When I talk to people, I get the feeling I annoy or irritate them. Maybe I'm too arrogant or egotistical, but whatever. I don't seem to find people who like me, and I don't think I ever will. Sometimes I think I've just become tired of trying and barely put any effort into whatever I do, even though I try to do everything perfectly and exactly how it should be. But as always, absolutely nothing works.
That's why, at this point, I don't know what to do anymore. I'm an utter failure. All this only leads me to one thing: ending it all, vanishing from existence, leaving this cruel reality. Now I have an answer, but to achieve it, I have to find a way out, right? That leads me to two options: jumping in front of a train or researching SN. The first one is easily doable, but I simply can't. I can't seem to gather enough willpower to do it, just another failure of mine. What a surprise, xD.
Now there's only one option, SN. It's so damn hard to find a good source for it. It's unbelievable to have extensive guides saying it's easy. Now I'm left with what? Nothing, at least temporarily. But when will the time come? I just can't bear it anymore. I can't find excuses or lies to tell. I JUST DONT KNOW
I don't know what to do anymore, I seriously don't. I've been trying, though some might say it's not trying at all, but I have been. I tried to find a job and didn't get hired anywhere. I tried to go to school and finish it, but of course, it didn't work. I tried to "improve" myself, but again, it didn't work. What else could I try to do?
I'm no expert in psychology, but I would assume I'm too borderline autistic to make friends now. It's not like I didn't try already; it's just that I'm awkward and dumb. When I talk to people, I get the feeling I annoy or irritate them. Maybe I'm too arrogant or egotistical, but whatever. I don't seem to find people who like me, and I don't think I ever will. Sometimes I think I've just become tired of trying and barely put any effort into whatever I do, even though I try to do everything perfectly and exactly how it should be. But as always, absolutely nothing works.
That's why, at this point, I don't know what to do anymore. I'm an utter failure. All this only leads me to one thing: ending it all, vanishing from existence, leaving this cruel reality. Now I have an answer, but to achieve it, I have to find a way out, right? That leads me to two options: jumping in front of a train or researching SN. The first one is easily doable, but I simply can't. I can't seem to gather enough willpower to do it, just another failure of mine. What a surprise, xD.
Now there's only one option, SN. It's so damn hard to find a good source for it. It's unbelievable to have extensive guides saying it's easy. Now I'm left with what? Nothing, at least temporarily. But when will the time come? I just can't bear it anymore. I can't find excuses or lies to tell. I JUST DONT KNOW
