I dont kill myself because my mother would be sad

[Subhumano]

Im only living because she would be sad if I kill myself


Many such cases

 

[SecretDissociation]

Honestly, kind of same! Mostly my rats holding me back too! But I do so many things for my mother, she relies on me a door relies on its hinge. sigh

 

[ma0]

In the past I've never really cared about other's reactions to my death, but lately I've been thinking about it more and... I kind of feel the same. I don't want to hurt those around me.

 

[Subhumano]

Honestly, kind of same! Mostly my rats holding me back too! But I do so many things for my mother, she relies on me a door relies on its hinge. sigh

She doesnt rely on me for anything but I know she would be very sad and never recover from it

In the past I've never really cared about other's reactions to my death, but lately I've been thinking about it more and... I kind of feel the same. I don't want to hurt those around me.

Its the hardest part, only my parents would really care about it

Mostly my rats holding me back too

Nice, my dog was holding me back too, but she is dead

 

[Lostmyonlyson]

Im only living because she would be sad if I kill myself


Many such cases

Many, thinking of it, my mother would also be devastated if I CTB.

 

[Hollowman]

Same here, it sucks. I don't hope she dies soon or anything. But if she did I'd be relieved and I'd get the f**k out of here.

 

[Subhumano]

Many, thinking of it, my mother would also be devastated if I CTB.

Happens to many of us

Same here, it sucks. I don't hope she dies soon or anything. But if she did I'd be relieved and I'd get the f**k out of here.

Same, I dream of my parents dying in a car accident so I can finally end it in peace

 

[NekoRightsActivist]

I honestly don't care about what my egg donor would feel when I ctb, she didn't gift me this life, she sentenced me.

 

[Subhumano]

I honestly don't care about what my egg donor would feel when I ctb, she didn't gift me this life, she sentenced me.

I love my mother its not hef fault

 

[whywere]

I NEVER EVER had a true mom or dad, just a sperm and egg donor, who when I was born a male and NOT a female child, wanted nothing to do with me ever.

Now if I had a real family, mom, dad and the like, I wonder what it would have been like?

To have someone who cares and loves you would be something that I cannot even comprehend.

Love and hugs to all,

Walter

I love my mother its not hef fault

You are truly a wonderful soul, just such a beautiful spirit is you!

Walter

 

[hereornot]

Lucky for you. My mom in Narnia (she is bpd), believing I'm dating Kevon Costner and Paul McCartney. When I sought medical help, she threatened to make up stories about me assaulting her. And she actually did that when the doctors tried to hospitalize her.

At least you have someone

 

[CutToRelease]

Same I'm sacred of hurting my
My bf but kinda a catch 22 cause our relation ship is in a rough spot so idk what to do saddly.

 

[theblueveil]

Living for someone else is immensely difficult. I applaud you for your strength.

 

[Subhumano]

I NEVER EVER had a true mom or dad, just a sperm and egg donor, who when I was born a male and NOT a female child, wanted nothing to do with me ever.

Now if I had a real family, mom, dad and the like, I wonder what it would have been like?

To have someone who cares and loves you would be something that I cannot even comprehend.

Love and hugs to all,

Walter

You are truly a wonderful soul, just such a beautiful spirit is you!

Walter

Not having someone to love you must feel terrible, but at least you are free to kill yourself. Im thankful of my what my parents have done for me

Lucky for you. My mom in Narnia (she is bpd), believing I'm dating Kevon Costner and Paul McCartney. When I sought medical help, she threatened to make up stories about me assaulting her. And she actually did that when the doctors tried to hospitalize her.

At least you have someone

That sounds terrible tbh much worse than my case

Same I'm sacred of hurting my
My bf but kinda a catch 22 cause our relation ship is in a rough spot so idk what to do saddly.

I wish I had a girlfriend. But you can just end it and rope, not as bad as hurting a mother

Living for someone else is immensely difficult. I applaud you for your strength.

Its what Ive been doing all my life

 

[FakeProdigy]

Same I'm sacred of hurting my
My bf but kinda a catch 22 cause our relation ship is in a rough spot so idk what to do saddly.

Same, I'm terrified by girlfriend would kill herself if I CTB. We're not doing well either but I'm all she has.

 

[whywere]

Same, I'm terrified by girlfriend would kill herself if I CTB. We're not doing well either but I'm all she has.

You both are such warm and kind souls, you and your girlfriend.

It takes someone very special to love and care for each other and you both have seemed to find and have this, I never have had that opportunity in my 6 plus decades on this planet.

To have the opportunity to watch a wonderful sunrise and/or sunset hand in hand is something that I can only dream about and both of you are so lucky to have each other, just fantastic!

To the both of you, lots of warm well wishes and the knowledge that the two of you truly have something special, a bond that transcends space and time.

Walter

 

[Stan Swiftie]

Im only living because she would be sad if I kill myself


Many such cases

I gave my parents a 22 1/2 years of me existing when all I wanted was to die. I'm 50 now. I'm done. It's my turn to do something for me. Ending my forever alone & miserable pointless pathetic existence.

 

[Subhumano]

Many such cases

 

[bankai]

Your life is only your own and no one else's. Did your parent ask your permission before birthing you? They'll get over it. Do not use them as an excuse. You do or you do not. If you do not, that is fine. But don't use them as an excuse.

 

[lotus11]

It's the main thing stopping me too, but trying to overcome it tbh as I don't really see a way forward in life

 

[Subhumano]

Your life is only your own and no one else's. Did your parent ask your permission before birthing you? They'll get over it. Do not use them as an excuse. You do or you do not. If you do not, that is fine. But don't use them as an excuse.

I know, but its hard to get over that feeling

It's the main thing stopping me too, but trying to overcome it tbh as I don't really see a way forward in life

Same, Ill try to change my mind in the following years and finally end it

 

[Subhumano]

Many such cases

 

[AtLast]

Im only living because she would be sad if I kill myself


Many such cases

Exactly. My sister passed about 15 years ago and I just can't bring myself to hurt my mom again. Especially after I saw what losing her daughter did to her. I just don't understand. My sister had 3 children, a great life and I was struggling with depression, severe anxiety and suicide every day. Why am I still here??

 

[ham and potatoes]

Yeah, the pain I would leave my family is the only thing keeping me here

 

[cemeteryismyhome]

Yep. For me it's my adult kids. If not for them I'd gladly check out.

 

[MythicalCreatures]

Many such cases.

 

[whywere]

Exactly. My sister passed about 15 years ago and I just can't bring myself to hurt my mom again. Especially after I saw what losing her daughter did to her. I just don't understand. My sister had 3 children, a great life and I was struggling with depression, severe anxiety and suicide every day. Why am I still here??

You are such a precious soul. You are here because you love your mom, just that alone speaks volumes and your love for your mom transcends also to you, wonderful!

I never ever had a mom or dad, never knew what a family was, to this day the concept of family bewilders me, and you are again, wonderful!

When I read your posts, it REALLY struck me just how loving and caring you are, beautiful.

Lots of caring and loving thoughts to you and your mom.

Walter

 

[Archness]

I'm the exact opposite. Mother easily makes me depressed/suicidal feeling. Even if she'll be sad, I doubt she'd feel that bad given how our relationship usually is, and how much of a disappointment I am to her. I'm also only a useless eater in her life, objectively speaking.

 

[hell toupee]

You are such a precious soul. You are here because you love your mom, just that alone speaks volumes and your love for your mom transcends also to you, wonderful!

I never ever had a mom or dad, never knew what a family was, to this day the concept of family bewilders me, and you are again, wonderful!

When I read your posts, it REALLY struck me just how loving and caring you are, beautiful.

Lots of caring and loving thoughts to you and your mom.

Walter

Walter, I have read a few of your posts and I am a firm believer that we descend in to creaturehood to learn something. That we set up obstacles for ourselves that are meant to improve or expand upon an area of our soul that is lacking. I am not saying this from a religious perspective, far from it.

You exude a contagious amount of compassion, love, and empathy towards your fellow man, even to strangers on the Internet. I think that because you possess these qualities, a family and loved ones would only teach you what you already know.

You know the old saying 'follow your gut'? People misunderstand this as being something below or outside of conscious thought when if it were not conscious thought, we wouldn't even be aware of it! Your conscious mind contains within it the answers to every problem you have. Gut instinct is just a different type of thought. It does not evolve from the analytical mind, which for all of its accomplishments, Western science has taught us to ignore. In fact, both the analytical and instinctive mind should be used together.

So the next time you get that instinctual thought, feeling, whatever you want to call it, follow it. Explore it. Suggest to yourself that you will have more of this type of awareness and that alone can create more and more of it. It's not an instinct or feeling whatsoever, it's simply a change of focus. If you use your conscious thoughts to really explore these feelings you are having, you will learn what they are trying to tell you. These emotions you feel, think of them as an email from your inner awareness - where those gut feelings come from - trying to get a message across to you but the only language they speak is 'emotion' - the answer is there, you just need to look for it.

You are a great person facing difficult circumstances.

And Im not preaching from a loft here. 6 months ago my wife of 24 years hung herself. 1 year ago I started getting mysterious nerve damage that has left me in a wheelchair and unable to walk or use my hands (I have contracture and they are balled up in to fists). I cannot tie my shoes, zip up my fly, button my shirt, twist open a bottle of water much less a doorknob. To make things worse, my wife's family is halfway around the world and I do not have family. It was her and I against the world. When she died, I lost my ride to work - the help I needed - as I was self-employed, I lost my business. I had no help and nobody to call. I can't even take out the trash as I can't get my wheelchair down the steps outside.

I came not to preach to people but because I wanted to die. I have nobody and nothing to live for. I can't afford $5000 a month for assisted living, which I need, but even if I could, what kind of existence is that? I cry like a baby every night for my wife - like snot coming out of my nose bawling - we were best friends, soul mates, she was the sweetest human being I've ever met, however she suffered from depression. We argued maybe 5 times in 24 years, we were literally attached at the hip. No note, no warning signs, nothing. Just woke up one morning and she was hanging by an extension cord.

The ONLY thought that brought me peace was joining her. Full stop. Until, I just started speaking out loud to her. Some weird things happened that brought me immense comfort, despite my dire situation. It's the only reason I am typing to you right now. All the best to you Walter - never forget you are great despite your environment, and you've demonstrated that over and over to a bunch of strangers of all people.

 

[whywere]

Walter, I have read a few of your posts and I am a firm believer that we descend in to creaturehood to learn something. That we set up obstacles for ourselves that are meant to improve or expand upon an area of our soul that is lacking. I am not saying this from a religious perspective, far from it.

You exude a contagious amount of compassion, love, and empathy towards your fellow man, even to strangers on the Internet. I think that because you possess these qualities, a family and loved ones would only teach you what you already know.

You know the old saying 'follow your gut'? People misunderstand this as being something below or outside of conscious thought when if it were not conscious thought, we wouldn't even be aware of it! Your conscious mind contains within it the answers to every problem you have. Gut instinct is just a different type of thought. It does not evolve from the analytical mind, which for all of its accomplishments, Western science has taught us to ignore. In fact, both the analytical and instinctive mind should be used together.

So the next time you get that instinctual thought, feeling, whatever you want to call it, follow it. Explore it. Suggest to yourself that you will have more of this type of awareness and that alone can create more and more of it. It's not an instinct or feeling whatsoever, it's simply a change of focus. If you use your conscious thoughts to really explore these feelings you are having, you will learn what they are trying to tell you. These emotions you feel, think of them as an email from your inner awareness - where those gut feelings come from - trying to get a message across to you but the only language they speak is 'emotion' - the answer is there, you just need to look for it.

You are a great person facing difficult circumstances.

And Im not preaching from a loft here. 6 months ago my wife of 24 years hung herself. 1 year ago I started getting mysterious nerve damage that has left me in a wheelchair and unable to walk or use my hands (I have contracture and they are balled up in to fists). I cannot tie my shoes, zip up my fly, button my shirt, twist open a bottle of water much less a doorknob. To make things worse, my wife's family is halfway around the world and I do not have family. It was her and I against the world. When she died, I lost my ride to work - the help I needed - as I was self-employed, I lost my business. I had no help and nobody to call. I can't even take out the trash as I can't get my wheelchair down the steps outside.

I came not to preach to people but because I wanted to die. I have nobody and nothing to live for. I can't afford $5000 a month for assisted living, which I need, but even if I could, what kind of existence is that? I cry like a baby every night for my wife - like snot coming out of my nose bawling - we were best friends, soul mates, she was the sweetest human being I've ever met, however she suffered from depression. We argued maybe 5 times in 24 years, we were literally attached at the hip. No note, no warning signs, nothing. Just woke up one morning and she was hanging by an extension cord.

The ONLY thought that brought me peace was joining her. Full stop. Until, I just started speaking out loud to her. Some weird things happened that brought me immense comfort, despite my dire situation. It's the only reason I am typing to you right now. All the best to you Walter - never forget you are great despite your environment, and you've demonstrated that over and over to a bunch of strangers of all people.

1st off, my heart broke when you mentioned what happened to your wife, however, you are a kind, caring and strong soul and with all the folks here, which I call my family, you always have support and love here.

Thank you for thinking of me. We ALL are together and we ALL work at helping one another with love, smiles and the knowledge that there is a beautiful sunrise coming each and every day.

I, like so many others, have had a rough go of it to some degree, but it always has and always will make me smile and feel good when helping another person out, as I leave this planet with what I came with zero, dust.

You are a wonderfully caring spirit, and this site is so very much better with you here for a very long time to come.

Have a great Sunday and upcoming week filled with lovely sunny weather.

Walter