I don’t have a reason to ctb

[redeyepiranha]

Hello, everyone, I'm sorry for my English in advance, I've read a lot of posts here and people write about their reasons to ctb, but I don't have a reason — I just don't want to live, life in general is sickening and horrible. I have a loving family, friends, study at uni, I'm sociable and amicable person and I feel ashamed for being suicidal, but I see a lot of suffering around me: the world is going downhill, people are struggling, standards of living are falling. I go though the day with a smile, but still want to die everyday. Maybe someone in the same boat. Thanks for reading.

 

[lemonhoney]

Not everyone has a reason. It's normal. I went through a bad breakup but I still wouldn't consider that my "reason".

I think my breakup made me realize that I never really loved myself. We all want to escape, and I wish there were easier ways.

 

[Life_and_Death]

granted you cant help everyone, but why not try to help people so the world isnt so bad? if all the good people leave then theres going to be nothing but bad. (honestly just asking not trying to convince you of anything. i can understand that the weight of the world around you is probably too heavy to bother)

 

[Wormfood]

The world being awful is enough reason.

 

[actual_fox]

Hi I am in a similar boat- I am well situated materially and have loving family and friends. I am also at Uni - Imagine.

But I am depressed and It is probably because of my prospects of living in this society or maybe this is just my default mood- being depressed. Maybe because I feel lonely when outside of college. I agree that prospects do not look good and I do not want to put up with It. I have seen homeless people and old people - I do not want to be any of those. I think It is because for me world does not pay off very well for struggling and enduring and I already have problems with mood.

I am afraid I will leave family all for themselves with a lot of questions and emotional baggage. I will quote one reddit post:

they need to keep the cogs turning in their well-oiled machine.

dont go! youre an economic liability. we need you to consume and produce and do it again tomorrow.

you cant leave! your family members are gonna be sad. their peace-of-mind outweighs your own. youre selfish for leaving, but theyre not selfish for keeping you!

if you leave, youre gonna compromise the condition of the human race! more people are gonna follow in your footsteps and k*ll themselves. now look what youve done - youve broken the system!

when people tell me not to die, theyre usually doing it out of self-preservation rather than any real concern for me.

either i fulfill an emotional role theyre afraid of being deprived of, or theyre a broken casette who's been taught to utter cliches. they dont give a crap about my feelings - they just want to uphold the status quo. because theyre uncomfortable with the notion of death, they feel entitled to prevent mine.

I am also very worried about my family and friends- I do not want to take away their hope. But maybe hope is real killer. I would send message that there is the other way.
No wait- you do have reason for ctb- you don't want to suffer and you don't know how to prevent this or If there is a way to prevent this.

 

[FuneralCry]

Your feelings are understandable. In my case I could never want to live in a world like this no matter what my life circumstances are and I think the fact that so much cruelty exists in this world is enough to make anyone want to leave. I don't understand how anyone could want to live in a world like this at all. Suicide doesn't even need a reason in the first place and nobody needs to justify their reasons for leaving.

I personally see non existence as being preferable to any kind of life, because as long as someone exists they could end up suffering to such a great extent as after all everything in life is determined by chance and luck and nobody knows as to how awful things will get in the future, so to me choosing to permanently not exist is a more rational option.

 

[Mr2005]

The world being awful is enough reason.

How many people care until it effects them?

 

[NoLightRemains]

Hello, everyone, I'm sorry for my English in advance, I've read a lot of posts here and people write about their reasons to ctb, but I don't have a reason — I just don't want to live, life in general is sickening and horrible. I have a loving family, friends, study at uni, I'm sociable and amicable person and I feel ashamed for being suicidal, but I see a lot of suffering around me: the world is going downhill, people are struggling, standards of living are falling. I go though the day with a smile, but still want to die everyday. Maybe someone in the same boat. Thanks for reading.

Hi I am in a similar boat- I am well situated materially and have loving family and friends. I am also at Uni - Imagine.

But I am depressed and It is probably because of my prospects of living in this society or maybe this is just my default mood- being depressed. Maybe because I feel lonely when outside of college. I agree that prospects do not look good and I do not want to put up with It. I have seen homeless people and old people - I do not want to be any of those. I think It is because for me world does not pay off very well for struggling and enduring and I already have problems with mood.

I am afraid I will leave family all for themselves with a lot of questions and emotional baggage. I will quote one reddit post:

I am also very worried about my family and friends- I do not want to take away their hope. But maybe hope is real killer. I would send message that there is the other way.
No wait- you do have reason for ctb- you don't want to suffer and you don't know how to prevent this or If there is a way to prevent this.

I have plenty of reasons for CTB, but this is the stuff that really prevents me from having hope. I am powerless to make any meaningful change. I can't even have these conversations with my family/friends because everyone just buys into the status quo. But even if more people were aware of this cruel reality we live in, I don't think anything would change. It feels like it is human nature to be selfish. My misanthropy feels incompatible with a meaningful life.

 

[actual_fox]

I have plenty of reasons for CTB, but this is the stuff that really prevents me from having hope. I am powerless to make any meaningful change. I can't even have these conversations with my family/friends because everyone just buys into the status quo. But even if more people were aware of this cruel reality we live in, I don't think anything would change. It feels like it is human nature to be selfish. My misanthropy feels incompatible with a meaningful life.

Nobody really here can talk with their families. Maybe a few. But people want to hear that you are happy, and when you are sad they expect you to get better. People might know about this cruel reality but lie to others and themselves so they can preserve the said status quo, they also feel like martyrs, defending others from sad truths. I am not misanthrope since I do not expect people to be rational or true to themselves. People are selfish, but in a non selfish way lol. It is like the care about others but for selfish reasons. Do not do things that would make me sad because they are bad for you. But suicide is extreme example for this.

 

[AlliWant]

I think about this often. Back in January, I was at the top of my game at work, making butt loads of money.. engaged, good family, friends, material objects etc. None of it mattered. I felt the exact same way I feel now after quitting and being unemployed for the past 9 months. We are conditioned to work 40+ hour weeks doing things that don't even benefit us individually and then are expected to cram our whole life into 2 days off a week or maybe 1-2 weeks of vacation a year. It is completely idiotic and how we ended up here as a society is unreal.

I'm not trying to make this about me, simply just agreeing with you that there isn't really always a reason to want to ctb. It's awful that we make it such a taboo thing. I agree with the user above who said people are selfish in a non-selfish way. Everyone says they want you to live because you have "so much to live for" but in reality, they want you to live because THEY want you to! It's so selfish. They want you to stay alive and be miserable because they don't want to loose someone. I'm sorry but that is the most selfish thing to me. If you know someone is suffering and unhappy, why not want what's best for them and allow them to move on in peace? It's completely stupid and I wish every day that ctb could be a normal and rational option for anyone who wants to.

This world is garbage and no one will ever change my mind on that.

 

[redeyepiranha]

granted you cant help everyone, but why not try to help people so the world isnt so bad? if all the good people leave then theres going to be nothing but bad. (honestly just asking not trying to convince you of anything. i can understand that the weight of the world around you is probably too heavy to bother)

I help people, but you're right about the weight of the world around me, I can't help everyone sadly

Hi I am in a similar boat- I am well situated materially and have loving family and friends. I am also at Uni - Imagine.

But I am depressed and It is probably because of my prospects of living in this society or maybe this is just my default mood- being depressed. Maybe because I feel lonely when outside of college. I agree that prospects do not look good and I do not want to put up with It. I have seen homeless people and old people - I do not want to be any of those. I think It is because for me world does not pay off very well for struggling and enduring and I already have problems with mood.

I am afraid I will leave family all for themselves with a lot of questions and emotional baggage. I will quote one reddit post:

I am also very worried about my family and friends- I do not want to take away their hope. But maybe hope is real killer. I would send message that there is the other way.
No wait- you do have reason for ctb- you don't want to suffer and you don't know how to prevent this or If there is a way to prevent this.

Thanks a lot for your response, I strongly resonate with you, I'm also worried about leaving my family and friends, they'll be devastated for sure, but honestly I think it's a bad idea to live for others

I think about this often. Back in January, I was at the top of my game at work, making butt loads of money.. engaged, good family, friends, material objects etc. None of it mattered. I felt the exact same way I feel now after quitting and being unemployed for the past 9 months. We are conditioned to work 40+ hour weeks doing things that don't even benefit us individually and then are expected to cram our whole life into 2 days off a week or maybe 1-2 weeks of vacation a year. It is completely idiotic and how we ended up here as a society is unreal.

I'm not trying to make this about me, simply just agreeing with you that there isn't really always a reason to want to ctb. It's awful that we make it such a taboo thing. I agree with the user above who said people are selfish in a non-selfish way. Everyone says they want you to live because you have "so much to live for" but in reality, they want you to live because THEY want you to! It's so selfish. They want you to stay alive and be miserable because they don't want to loose someone. I'm sorry but that is the most selfish thing to me. If you know someone is suffering and unhappy, why not want what's best for them and allow them to move on in peace? It's completely stupid and I wish every day that ctb could be a normal and rational option for anyone who wants to.

This world is garbage and no one will ever change my mind on that.

Thanks for you response, I really appreciate it, these things I should "live for" don't make me happy, even when I feel joyful, I still want to die and imagine every scenario where I ctb, just get me the fuck out of this shitshow

 

[actual_fox]

I think it's a bad idea to live for others

That is true. I never seen a single instance where sacrificing yourself and lying does any good. I would surely not want to become bitter. Sometimes I hated m family for loving me (yes, I know I know...) because their love stopped me from ctbing and being free from suffering. But I did not feel their love, I only felt what they would feel If I died. Suffering made me less loving and more bitter person. My parents did not love each other but did not divorce because kids.

Spoiler: what happened in my childhood

The home life was hell and It traumatized me as very young child. I have a small dent in door frame from a cup that was thrown with such force It shattered and cut into the wood. This shouting in household might have traumatized me when I was too young to remember anything- almost permanently changing my brain and how I interact with the world. I am sorry for talking about myself so much. It is true that suicidal people are selfish, huh.

The thing is I say this and It might reinforce your worldview and you might ctb one day but I am not sure I will ctb no matter how much I fear future or resent life. It is just not possible for me to tell If I will ever do It.

 

[Justnotme]

Hello. Your worldview is the reason for suicide. You don't have to be raped, live on the street without money, be disabled to want to die. After all, you want to die for a reason anyway, but because you are hurt by the existing cruelty.
There is no need to feel guilty that you are in better conditions than those people who are poor, who have diseases.
We need to respect each other's heartache.

I am a physically healthy person. My parents seem to love me, although as a child I had to face the burden for a long time.
I left the institute and didn't want to come back because my sense of this world had sharpened.
I stopped communicating with friends because I am no longer interested in "life" and communication.
As you can see, I am not one of those people who eats the last crumbs of bread, not of those people who were beaten or raped.
Nevertheless, I want to die, just like you