irie
Member
- Mar 10, 2023
- 98
last night, i found a proper way to do full suspension hanging. i almost kicked the chair right then, but SI kicked in big time because i was unprepared (probably also because i was in a more panicked state and was rushing into things impulsively). i think i'm ready, and really want to CTB soon (preferably by the end of the month); i've already attempted twice this month but i'm really struggling to beat SI. next week, i won't even be at home, so i'd like to get it over with before then, but it's so fucking difficult. i am serious about this, throughout the years i've failed 8 times (minus all the half-assed attempts at drowning from when i was a lot younger), and i don't think i'll escape being this miserable anytime soon unless i ctb. i feel like a coward, honestly-- i don't really know what's stopping me at this point. maybe my partner, who is vehemently against me doing this and has begged me not to in past exchanges... i'll feel guilty leaving them behind, and i hate to imagine what it'll be like when i'm found, but it's the only way out of this, i've decided. i don't really know where i'm going with this, or what i'm even asking for advice for, i just know i want to leave soon.