Venting I don’t feel welcome in this forum

[user56765567]

Wow. Befriending a tree seems a great idea. I love trees across from my campus' backyard when I was little. And I spend whole afternoons sitting under them when often ignored by my family and bullied at school. I cried my eyes out when they cleared out the land for new basketball courts and chopped all the giant trees. Maybe that's too much for a distant memory in me but yeah I love trees. I now live somewhere near mountainous part of HK and I think it's not a bad idea to find something in nature to love.

It's not a test or a written assignment to share your thoughts with ppl here. I, for one, am not judging your feelings or being the grammar police.
btw social anxiety applies only to being with living human but I'm almost dead. XD

I'm from Bristol, UK. Lots of London folk relocate here. House prices went crazy. How is it going in London? Any sunshine? +11C here. Miserable.
You know, I am so alone that I befriended a lovely tree that I see out of the window. I call it my tree of safety. What us folk won't do to feel better. But of course, I can't tell this to anyone. Don't want people to roll eyes at me.

OP, feel free to join the chat.

I love nature and trees too. I usually go on walks all the time in my area with huge forests to explore and recently saw that they cut a huge section of a forest around where I have live for decades and that area was unchanged for so long. I'm guessing to add more business offices smh. I really wish the Lorax was a real It really does shock me how different it looks around that area now and it really make me sad too when I walk by there.

 

[randal_bond]

I hope they got banned.
I only had a conflict on this forum with two russians (1 russian, 1 ukranian), in a russian thread. But, I'm not at all surprised. They are just russkis.
But I did not have a single conflict with any other forum member.

Oh, come on. There're different russkies. I'm from Ukraine but am Russian by blood. I won't have a conflict with you. I promise. If I feel hurt by you, I just won't reply.

I don't know if it's because of my braindead questions or comments, or my uselessness to others in here. When I joined this forum I thought I could feel as part of this community, make some friends maybe, but it's no different to how my life has always been, always rejected and alone. I'm grateful to the few people here that has helped me, even when all I ask, or things that I talk about are stupid shit. I believed this was a place were I could fit in as long as I'm alive, but my mind is so broken that I can't do or be enough for anyone, nobody really needs or cares about me.

I suppose people only cares and likes you while you're useful to them, or else, they will simply ignore you and cast you away.

OP, yo started this thread, and you got all those lovely responses full of empathy and care. You never replied to any. You just disappeared. Are you ok? Would you rather feel that you're completely alone here and nobody cares? Does it feel safer to feel the old way? Come out of your shell, nobody will judge you.

 

[Ε. Η. R.]

@randal_bond
First of all, I know perfectly well how things are with lgbt in the USA and European countries. I've been studying various States since ~2013.
I wrote in this thread that I couldn't move. This opportunity was taken away from me. And not even the "father". Even though I only said part of the harm my "father" did to me, he's not the worst I've ever met in my life. There were much worse ones that took everything from me and ruined my life. "My own kind".
And I wrote in this thread that I existed for the last 5 years for the sake of revenge. So your comment is like spitting in my direction.

Oh, come on. There're different russkies.

For me - no difference. This is what they have been proving to me all my life.

 

[NeedAnEscape]

I'm sorry that you haven't felt like you are a part of the community here. It can be difficult to feel connected on this forum. I'm sure there are people who appreciate your input on this forum, even if they haven't publicly said it.

 

[Finalnight]

Oh, come on. There're different russkies. I'm from Ukraine but am Russian by blood. I won't have a conflict with you. I promise. If I feel hurt by you, I just won't reply.

OP, yo started this thread, and you got all those lovely responses full of empathy and care. You never replied to any. You just disappeared. Are you ok? Would you rather feel that you're completely alone here and nobody cares? Does it feel safer to feel the old way? Come out of your shell, nobody will judge you.

Hi @randal_bond I hope you're doing well, I'm sorry, I wish I could reply to everybody, a few days ago I wrote a response to all of those who cared, saying how much I appreciated their messages and that I am humbled for all the love they've expressed to me. The reason I'm not replying to each comment individually is because my mind is so really messed up that, for me, it takes hours to say something that makes any sense, both online and in real life, which is the reason I barely talk, and when I say barely I mean it, I have autism as many of you here and besides, English is not my main language. Maybe I should comment the same thing again tagging everyone in so they see what I wrote back for them. If I were to reply back to each of you all I can think about saying is that I was wrong with some of the things I said, and that I love all of you for everything in the exact same way

 

[randal_bond]

Hi @randal_bond I hope you're doing well, I'm sorry, I wish I could reply to everybody, a few days ago I wrote a response to all of those who cared, saying how much I appreciated their messages and that I am humbled for all the love they've expressed to me. The reason I'm not replying to each comment individually is because my mind is so really messed up that, for me, it takes hours to say something that makes any sense, both online and in real life, which is the reason I barely talk, and when I say barely I mean it, I have autism as many of you here and besides, English is not my main language. Maybe I should comment the same thing again tagging everyone in so they see what I wrote back for them. If I were to reply back to each of you all I can think about saying is that I was wrong with some of the things I said, and that I love all of you for everything in the exact same way

Hi, OP. Hope you're doing slightly better right now.
Sorry that I missed your reply. No, you don't have to reply individually, it's my fault that I didn't noticed your reply. I'm also autistic and English is not my mother tongue ))) And I know how it feels having these episodes when you forget words and have dimensia-type period because you're so ill. Each time I got misjudged and misunderstood by neurotypical people (NT), I wished I could meet an autistic person somehow. Looks like this is the place.

@randal_bond
First of all, I know perfectly well how things are with lgbt in the USA and European countries. I've been studying various States since ~2013.
I wrote in this thread that I couldn't move. This opportunity was taken away from me. And not even the "father". Even though I only said part of the harm my "father" did to me, he's not the worst I've ever met in my life. There were much worse ones that took everything from me and ruined my life. "My own kind".
And I wrote in this thread that I existed for the last 5 years for the sake of revenge. So your comment is like spitting in my direction.


For me - no difference. This is what they have been proving to me all my life.

Hey, sorry for hurting you so badly. That was not my intention at all. Sorry for being Russian. No, not really.)))
Hope you'll come to a better headspace one day, for your own sake. If you exist for vengeance, it's a dish served cold.

 

[Peaceful Departure]

I love nature and trees too. I usually go on walks all the time in my area with huge forests to explore and recently saw that they cut a huge section of a forest around where I have live for decades and that area was unchanged for so long. I'm guessing to add more business offices smh. I really wish the Lorax was a real It really does shock me how different it looks around that area now and it really make me sad too when I walk by there.

Super relatable! Im back staying in the area where i grew up, and all so many of the places i used to explore, hike, bike, etc with friends has been turned into subdivisions. Feels like a piece of me is missing.

 

[Finalnight]

Hi, OP. Hope you're doing slightly better right now.
Sorry that I missed your reply. No, you don't have to reply individually, it's my fault that I didn't noticed your reply. I'm also autistic and English is not my mother tongue ))) And I know how it feels having these episodes when you forget words and have dimensia-type period because you're so ill. Each time I got misjudged and misunderstood by neurotypical people (NT), I wished I could meet an autistic person somehow. Looks like this is the place.

Hey, sorry for hurting you so badly. That was not my intention at all. Sorry for being Russian. No, not really.)))
Hope you'll come to a better headspace one day, for your own sake. If you exist for vengeance, it's a dish served cold.

It's not your fault at all, I also lose track of everything and I didn't expect so many replies following after my post. The same thing happens to me, I tend to forget words and their meaning or the other way around, it feels like I can never really learn. And you're right, this is the best place I can think of to meet people with autism, sometimes getting to know people like you can help you and benefit you in ways a therapist never will

 

[randal_bond]

It's not your fault at all, I also lose track of everything and I didn't expect so many replies following after my post. The same thing happens to me, I tend to forget words and their meaning or the other way around, it feels like I can never really learn. And you're right, this is the best place I can think of to meet people with autism, sometimes getting to know people like you can help you and benefit you in ways a therapist never will

Yes, that's the place to hang out. Just goes to show how much autistic folk struggle. Wishing you a better day )))

 

[Finalnight]

Yes, that's the place to hang out. Just goes to show how much autistic folk struggle. Wishing you a better day )))

Ikr. To some, it wrecks their life entirely, like it has done with mine, besides of other complications, add OCD to the formula and you get the last nail for the coffin. I wish you a good day as well!!

 

[Finalnight]

I mean at least in my case, I'm not speaking for anybody else.

 

[Ferret77]

Hi!

I don't know if it's because of my braindead questions or comments, or my uselessness to others in here. When I joined this forum I thought I could feel as part of this community, make some friends maybe, but it's no different to how my life has always been, always rejected and alone. I'm grateful to the few people here that has helped me, even when all I ask, or things that I talk about are stupid shit. I believed this was a place were I could fit in as long as I'm alive, but my mind is so broken that I can't do or be enough for anyone, nobody really needs or cares about me.

I suppose people only cares and likes you while you're useful to them, or else, they will simply ignore you and cast you away.

Hi! I'm sorry that you feel that way, I don't know what are the exact reasons why, but for me, I do feel welcomed by this community, and everybody I've met here, was really kind and supportive.

You are definitely a part of this community, and I'm sorry that you don't feel as accepted or welcomed, as we would want you to. You definitely don't speak about just "stupid shit," everyone's struggling and everybody's feelings and opinions on whatever, are valid.

I definitely can very much understand how painful it is, to be lonely and suffering, I can't even put it into words, but I'm sure you know what I'm talking about. I've been hurt by so many people, that I thought I could trust....And now, I don't really have anybody

I guess that I just wanted to say, that even though it feels like you're alone, there's a lot of people who feel the exactly same way. If you would like to talk about anything really, you can just pm me

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I relate. At first I thought I was welcomed here. But then I realised that I'm treated no differently here than I am irl. Oh how naive I was to think I could be welcomed anywhere in life. At least death will accept me one day