Venting I don’t feel like I relate to this place

[FuneralCry]

I don't feel like I relate to this place rather it's just somewhere to express my wish to be eternally relieved from existence. I'm never able to resonate with those who label this as some kind of "community" for it to me feels like the exact opposite of that, at times it even feels like a shallow social media site with people not taking the subject of this place seriously, it feels like they often beg for attention to me which I find repulsive and deeply obnoxious.

Humans really are insatiable in their desire to be noticed and for attention while I just wish for this existence to be erased, to me it really does feel like this place has declined but anyway I'm not even surprised. Humans are such a toxic, terrible species with so many of them being so self absorbed and lacking in any awareness, it's sad how they like to poison everything with their hostility and immaturity. The only real use to this site now is for venting as I feel trapped in this existence that was so tragically imposed in the first place, I don't have any interest in this futile and undesirable existence unlike others nor do I believe there is anything beneficial about something so deeply repulsive and evil as existence.

I don't hate myself or wish to harm myself which is what this place very often feels like it's all about now rather I despise existence as it's source of all suffering and believe that I deserve the peace of non-existence, so many act like death is so bad but how could it ever be when all our pain and torment is as a result of existence. No ceasing to exist is beautiful to me and it's so repulsive how they act like others are "ill" for wanting this, no despite the fact that this place is obsessed with the idea of "recovery" suicide is all that feels rational to me, I don't want to suffer in any way.

 

[Suicidebydeath]

I'm sorry for your suffering and hope you can continue to express yourself here without judgement.

 

[Helween]

Most of us didn't asked to be born so i get it, i think it's just a matter of choice, when close to CTB some happen to realise that they still want to live and there's nothing bad about that if they feel like it. Existence is indeed painful for most that why we strive to make it better even a little, but like you said humanity is toxic in a way that most of people are here because of it. You do you, i hope you find something that ease your existence

 

[noname223]

I don't feel like I relate to this place rather it's just somewhere to express my wish to be eternally relieved from existence. I'm never able to resonate with those who label this as some kind of "community" for it to me feels like the exact opposite of that, at times it even feels like a shallow social media site with people not taking the subject of this place seriously, it feels like they often beg for attention to me which I find repulsive and deeply obnoxious.

Humans really are insatiable in their desire to be noticed and for attention while I just wish for this existence to be erased, to me it really does feel like this place has declined but anyway I'm not even surprised. Humans are such a toxic, terrible species with so many of them being so self absorbed and lacking in any awareness, it's sad how they like to poison everything with their hostility and immaturity. The only real use to this site now is for venting as I feel trapped in this existence that was so tragically imposed in the first place, I don't have any interest in this futile and undesirable existence unlike others nor do I believe there is anything beneficial about something so deeply repulsive and evil as existence.

I don't hate myself or wish to harm myself which is what this place very often feels like it's all about now rather I despise existence as it's source of all suffering and believe that I deserve the peace of non-existence, so many act like death is so bad but how could it ever be when all our pain and torment is as a result of existence. No ceasing to exist is beautiful to me and it's so repulsive how they act like others are "ill" for wanting this, no despite the fact that this place is obsessed with the idea of "recovery" suicide is all that feels rational to me, I don't want to suffer in any way.

How about you quit the forum? The topics of your threads combined your thread "I wish suicide was straightforward" feels to me like you wish this forum was some sort of a factory where the sole interaction was to search for suicide methods and then shortly afterwards to kill oneself. Which is sort of cynical if we consider your post count. Noone forces you to stay if you consider this forum too pro-life and "mainstream". Do your own death cult echo chamber forum we don't want that here.

 

[willitpass]

Calling people on this forum attention seeking is extremely harmful. There occasional threads where things are just too ridiculous to be true, but those are very rare. Most of the people on this forum are doing the exact same thing you do every day: venting because there is no other place you can do that. Or people are just looking to have some semblance of human connection and conversation. To call people attention seeking for how they use this forum is saying the exact same stuff people come here to escape. People are not attention seeking for struggling or being desperate to find some way to ease their pain. It isn't attention seeking to want to have somewhere to let out your thoughts so you don't have to have them stuck in your head. Attention seeking is a label people get given in psych wards and by assholes who don't want to deal with peoples suffering and it's so harmful to say that about people here.

 

[divinemistress36]

You will never find the empathy people have here anywhere else

 

[Little_Suzy]

How about you quit the forum? The topics of your threads combined your thread "I wish suicide was straightforward" feels to me like you wish this forum was some sort of a factory where the sole interaction was to search for suicide methods and then shortly afterwards to kill oneself. Which is sort of cynical if we consider your post count. Noone forces you to stay if you consider this forum too pro-life and "mainstream".

I believe that when we are new, we overthink FC's posts, whereas you have been here long enough to know better.

Consider this: if she posts, she's existing.

When she stops posting, people will wonder where she went. I find comfort in her posts.

 

[karmaisabitch]

You read my mind! Me too… even at work I feel like I'm a guest on this earth. I watch people laughing eating joking I don't feel the sense of belonging. Every day is the same for me I have one purpose only one which is to end my life

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I believe that when we are new, we overthink FC's posts, whereas you have been here long enough to know better.

Consider this: if she posts, she's existing.

When she stops posting, people will wonder where she went. I find comfort in her posts.

Her posts seem to be symbolic to me. She truly is trapped in this existence and forced to repetitively suffer everyday hence the repetitive threads. Her posts will die when she dies which is really symbolic to me. She truly is trapped in existence

 

[sserafim]

I don't hate myself or wish to harm myself which is what this place very often feels like it's all about now rather I despise existence as it's source of all suffering and believe that I deserve the peace of non-existence

Me neither. I don't understand how others can hate or wish to harm themselves. I find it hard to believe. I think I need to improve my theory of mind…

You read my mind! Me too…I feel like I'm a guest on this earth. I watch people laughing eating joking I don't feel the sense of belonging. Every day is the same for me I have one purpose only one which is to end my life

Same. I feel like an alien on this earth

 

[Jiyuurakka]

I don't feel like I relate to this place rather it's just somewhere to express my wish to be eternally relieved from existence. I'm never able to resonate with those who label this as some kind of "community" for it to me feels like the exact opposite of that, at times it even feels like a shallow social media site with people not taking the subject of this place seriously, it feels like they often beg for attention to me which I find repulsive and deeply obnoxious.

I really love reading all of your posts. In fact, whenever I think of this site, the first thing that comes to my mind is Funeral Cry. You're probably my favorite person on here, because you're the purest manifestation of what it means to come close to an existence that simply wishes not to be. You are the purest representative of death and what this site has to offer in its raw form, aside from all the other voices. You're the sum of everything, which is nothing. Whenever I read your posts, I feel like I'm reading everything that I've ever wanted to hear from another person's mouth. You talk of the absurdity of existence and your wish to just simply not to be, something that a lot of people can relate to. You take this concept and push it to the absolute extreme a person can ever dream of in the form of language. I think in one way, you're a hardened jewel.

I don't think there can be such a thing as a community that can be centered around to such an idealistic discussion of the pure desire to simply not exist. Quite honestly, such a community is the complete opposite of what it means to be a community. What you're trying to convey is silence, which just cannot be conveyed through words. However, I think that your words are the closest I've seen that manages to accurately portray what silence means when expressed in language.

I find that profound, I hope that you're able to one day satisfy your desire to not be.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I really love reading all of your posts. In fact, whenever I think of this site, the first thing that comes to my mind is Funeral Cry. You're probably my favorite person on here, because you're the purest manifestation of what it means to come close to an existence that simply wishes not to be. You are the purest representative of death and what this site has to offer in its raw form, aside from all the other voices. You're the sum of everything, which is nothing. Whenever I read your posts, I feel like I'm reading everything that I've ever wanted to hear from another person's mouth. You talk of the absurdity of existence and your wish to just simply not to be, something that a lot of people can relate to. You take this concept and push it to the absolute extreme a person can ever dream of in the form of language. I think in one way, you're a hardened jewel.

I don't think there can be such a thing as a community that can be centered around to such an idealistic discussion of the pure desire to simply not exist. Quite honestly, such a community is the complete opposite of what it means to be a community. What you're trying to convey is silence, which just cannot be conveyed through words. However, I think that your words are the closest I've seen that manages to accurately portray what silence means when expressed in language.

I find that profound, I hope that you're able to one day satisfy your desire to not be.

This is oddly peaceful to read but I agree with every single thing that you said here. FC really is special and interesting

 

[EvisceratedJester]

You have more posts on this site than anyone else yet you dare to talk about others "begging for attention"?

Also:

Humans are such a toxic, terrible species with so many of them being so self absorbed and lacking in any awareness, it's sad how they like to poison everything with their hostility and immaturity.

This description honestly describes you pretty well. I don't mean this to be rude (and I genuinelymean that), but you are the last person who has the right to complain about this site. You post here more than anyone, you post shit on here that would get you banned on any other site, and even when people are annoyed with you they are nowhere near as hostile as anyone from any other site would be. Hell, I've even seen people on other sites who think that you are just some evil troll who gets off on others' suicide, so that should already give insight into how lucky you are this place even exists.

I'm not saying any of this to be an asshole (not that it would matter since you rarely read posts responding to you anyway), I'm saying this because it's becoming concerning at this point. You are already heading into pro-death territory and a lot of the rhetoric you spew in some of your threads has led to new members feeling guilty about having signed up to this site.

You are on a suicide forum. A lot of the user base is going to include those who aren't doing well mentally. People who aren't doing well mentally will harm themselves or wish harm onto others, so of course you are going to see a bunch of posts venting about that type of stuff. For a lot of people, this is the only space where they can vent about those things. I also have no idea where this "recovery" thing you are talking about is coming from either. This place isn't obsessed with "recovery", it's pro-choice. Some people want to recover, some want to ctb. At most, I've seen users on here tell others to reconsider and usually, that only comes up for justified reasons. Otherwise, nobody gives a crap.


I understand that it sucks that there aren't any legal and accessible ways to safely ctb and I understand that sometimes our frustrations can lead our views on the things around us to worsen over time, but this is getting out of hand. I know you probably won't read this, but I genuinely want you to at least try to pull yourself back a bit and reevaluate your views because you are going into pro-death territory and most people here don't like it. It'd also be nice if you were to try and be a bit more understanding of other users on here and also maybe try to accept the fact that the site is changing a bit. Change isn't fun but it happens and it's not always a bad thing. I don't hate you, I agree with some of the points you make sometimes, but this is just getting out of hand.

 

[xinino]

This place is for annihilation both mentally and physically, which is in my opinion, irrational, but I like irrationality because it is an act of liberation from the rationality of society not existance.

 

[StarryEyed]

But if everyone came here to find a method to ctb and then execute that method quickly, there would be no one here to read your posts. Is that what you want us all to do?

 

[Kapsyl]

It's so ironic, your disgust and incomprehension of the recovery page or the fact that existence can be something other than an utter repulsive horrible experience. This makes you in fact share the same qualities and the inability to accept another mindset as the "Pro-lifers".

The evil repulsive human beings who actively seek to stop others from exiting the horrible existence they call life, do that because their unable to understand a desire of not existing.

You actively critique and demean the recovering page because of your inability to understand and process that an individual would want that. Can you spot the similarities?

In my book you're as obnoxious as the pro-lifers trying to shut down this community.

 

[Jiyuurakka]

This is oddly peaceful to read but I agree with every single thing that you said here. FC really is special and interesting

I know, I tried to portray the harmony that Funeral Cry brings to this community, that's why it sounds rather peaceful. I love to reconcile the existence of two contradictory things.

 

[thealteredmind]

I don't feel like I relate to this place rather it's just somewhere to express my wish to be eternally relieved from existence. I'm never able to resonate with those who label this as some kind of "community" for it to me feels like the exact opposite of that, at times it even feels like a shallow social media site with people not taking the subject of this place seriously, it feels like they often beg for attention to me which I find repulsive and deeply obnoxious.

Humans really are insatiable in their desire to be noticed and for attention while I just wish for this existence to be erased, to me it really does feel like this place has declined but anyway I'm not even surprised. Humans are such a toxic, terrible species with so many of them being so self absorbed and lacking in any awareness, it's sad how they like to poison everything with their hostility and immaturity. The only real use to this site now is for venting as I feel trapped in this existence that was so tragically imposed in the first place, I don't have any interest in this futile and undesirable existence unlike others nor do I believe there is anything beneficial about something so deeply repulsive and evil as existence.

I don't hate myself or wish to harm myself which is what this place very often feels like it's all about now rather I despise existence as it's source of all suffering and believe that I deserve the peace of non-existence, so many act like death is so bad but how could it ever be when all our pain and torment is as a result of existence. No ceasing to exist is beautiful to me and it's so repulsive how they act like others are "ill" for wanting this, no despite the fact that this place is obsessed with the idea of "recovery" suicide is all that feels rational to me, I don't want to suffer in any way.

pain and torment is not result of existence, is result of mental illness or a skewed worldview.

have you ever been to a therapist?

 

[karmaisabitch]

Me neither. I don't understand how others can hate or wish to harm themselves. I find it hard to believe. I think I need to improve my theory of mind…

Same. I feel like an alien on this earth

Alien is the word I'm looking for!

You will never find the empathy people have here anywhere else

True!

 

[willitpass]

pain and torment is not result of existence, is result of mental illness or a skewed worldview.

have you ever been to a therapist?

I know you're knew here so you aren't aware, but Funeral Cry is very much the last person you would ever find in therapy.

 

[thealteredmind]

I know you're knew here so you aren't aware, but Funeral Cry is very much the last person you would ever find in therapy.

but why?

 

[willitpass]

but why?

She believes that therapy and any attempts at feeling better are pro life propaganda and disgusting, immoral, and should be illegal. She also, as stated above, does not hate herself or feel she is mentally ill in any way, she believes wanting to die is perfectly logical and people who wish to live are the ones who are mentally ill. She has been saying the same thing since she joined four years ago.

 

[W3akCr3atur3]

it feels like they often beg for attention to me which I find repulsive and deeply obnoxious.

With nearly 34k posts it surely does feel like so

 

[StarryEyed]

@FuneralCry so You Want it Darker?

You're Leaving the Table?

 

[anonymousbookreader]

It sounds like you just don't want to be on this website and if that's the case, you can choose to leave. But your post has some harmful notions in it.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I can relate to not always relating to this community but it seems weird that you always seem to be passive aggressively calling someone out without any context for those who are uninformed. I never know who this someone is because I'm stupid. I also don't see the need to talk down to people for wanting attention when you often seem to be doing it yourself since your threads always get so much engagement (though thankfully that doesn't matter here).

As a fellow high post-counter I'm not above admitting it occasionally feels good getting a like react or seeing someone affirm my beliefs by agreeing with me. Part of what makes any social forum addicting is the ego boost from the positives of socializing. You can let go and admit you enjoy these things too if that's the reason you keep making threads like this. It's okay. If not, then I'm sorry for assuming. I hope you can find a peaceful solution to your issues with this site, as well as one for living in general I suppose.

 

[boddibo]

I believe that you are as attention-seeking as any other one on here, otherwise you wouldn't post such threads, everyday. Being attention-seeking isn't something bad in itself, though. It does mean the person is suffering, which you also are, so why are you judging them? ¯ \ _ (ツ) _ / ¯

 

[eatantz]

Your posts bring me so much comfort, you have such a good way with words. You always write the most heart-breaking but trueful posts, all my thoughts I've struggled to relay to people you write so beautifully. Genuinely my favourite person on this site and i hope your suffering can end soon

 

[penguinl0v3s]

Have you ever tried to join an antinatalist community instead?

 

[lonely&trapped.]

There is something about this post that is confusing and contradictory.

Actually; in general you are contradictory and confusing.

Speak for yourself, how can you say others on the forums are attention seeking, yet you have been making posts often for over 4 years?

Like you said yourself: suicide isn't easy. Not everyone has the resources to do it.

I feel like my perspective is unique in regards to the topic of this post. As much as I want to end my own life, I can't. Because 1) I am living only really out of spite because of the inherent fairness of the way I am and how I was born, and 2) because I'm afraid of death. Killing yourself is especially hard with the human mind's inherent instincts in trying to keep you alive and surviving. Some of the methods also cost money, which most who are depressed usually don't have the money for.

For a lot of those on this forum still living, we all have our own unique and complicated reasons for why we are here, and as you said yourself; suicide isn't easy. SaSu was always for venting; clearly you do it more than anyone else here, so I fail to see what your point is..