Venting I don't care about the aftermath of CTB

[ItsMe-Hecked]

I don't care about who finds my body. Who my parents will talk shit about me to, even when I'm dead. Who my sister tells that I "didn't value human life" because I dare question her fake, inconsistent political beliefs. The psychologists who "just wanted to help", but "didn't know what to do". The people from my schools, summer camps, jobs, extracurriculars who never even glanced at me while I was alive (or more likely, bullied me) - they all of a sudden claim that I lit up any room I walked into. The ex-friends, and people I've met in hospitals, all who've abandoned me, now "just wanted the best for me". My family who think I'm a failure for not slaving away to capitalism. My teachers who mocked me for being depressed in class, and then patronized me with "how much they care about my situation". The people who use my death as a way to advocate for suicide prevention...



I don't care about that. Not anymore. Wanna know what I care about? How the hell am I supposed to deal with my actual death? Its stressful. I want this more than anything. I want this more than having someone love me. I want this more than being a respected film director who has influence over the shitty culture we live in. I just want to stop suffering, and for the shitty people around me to stop forcing their pro-life bullshit onto me. None of these people are really "pro-life". They're just brainwashed to the point where they can't FATHOM that anyone would dislike the 40 hour work week, or the social game. They don't want me to leave, but I know I'm going to.


Also, if my parents are reading this thread, fuck you. You have no right to impede my privacy, and read my personal online shit. Please get help. You're crazy.

Lol this is gonna get me kicked out. You guys watch.

 

[PlushieLover]

Sometimes people actually want to help you with all the pro life bs but they can't understand how a suicidal person feels like. Some really do care about you or at least I like to think that.

 

[meetapple]

I can totally understand. Why would you be considerate to people who failed you in the past. They, in fact, played a part in your demise.

 

[Cant go back]

I used to think people care, but in all honestly I don't think they do. What they are really thinking is… "I don't want to deal with the aftermath of this person killing themself" because <insert reason here>. They don't actually want to help, honestly, who wants to help someone who is suicidal, they don't because it's A LOT of effort and a pain in the ass. Ask me how I know. Living with someone who is depressed and anxious and sometimes suicidal on a near constant basis made me join this forum! I dont have the skills or training to help a suicidal person and neither do most people. The people that do… cost MONEY! and on top of that the person actually would need the desire to be helped too, also very difficult.

 

[lonerclown666]

Same bro we are gonna be dead we will never see anything or what will happen to our bodies

 

[britter]

I absolutely understand your standpoint, and I don't think it's the wrong way to think. But you also have to consider that it's not like the world will end once you're gone, life will still go on and people will still walk about. I think it's unfair leaving the cleanup / disposal / discovery to the people who chose to live. Personally, it's my belief that if you are going to CTB, you may as well do it respectfully, peacefully and cleanly. It is the literal last thing you will ever do in your life after all, may as well put your life into it. (:

 

[wannaseepenguins]

I get this. Sometimes I worry about the aftermath and feel like I need to plan everything out to cause the least possible trauma or just inconvenience to others, but other times I just want to say fuck it, not my problem anymore. I think it's great to make things easier on others if you can, but at the end of the day you have to look out for yourself first.

 

[AreWeWinning]

I don't care about who finds my body. Who my parents will talk shit about me to, even when I'm dead. Who my sister tells that I "didn't value human life" because I dare question her fake, inconsistent political beliefs. The psychologists who "just wanted to help", but "didn't know what to do". The people from my schools, summer camps, jobs, extracurriculars who never even glanced at me while I was alive (or more likely, bullied me) - they all of a sudden claim that I lit up any room I walked into. The ex-friends, and people I've met in hospitals, all who've abandoned me, now "just wanted the best for me". My family who think I'm a failure for not slaving away to capitalism. My teachers who mocked me for being depressed in class, and then patronized me with "how much they care about my situation". The people who use my death as a way to advocate for suicide prevention...



I don't care about that. Not anymore. Wanna know what I care about? How the hell am I supposed to deal with my actual death? Its stressful. I want this more than anything. I want this more than having someone love me. I want this more than being a respected film director who has influence over the shitty culture we live in. I just want to stop suffering, and for the shitty people around me to stop forcing their pro-life bullshit onto me. None of these people are really "pro-life". They're just brainwashed to the point where they can't FATHOM that anyone would dislike the 40 hour work week, or the social game. They don't want me to leave, but I know I'm going to.


Also, if my parents are reading this thread, fuck you. You have no right to impede my privacy, and read my personal online shit. Please get help. You're crazy.

Lol this is gonna get me kicked out. You guys watch.

With this question, I'm somewhere in between. Sometimes I feel sorry for the people left behind. And sometimes I'm like you, thinking "I don't care, I deal with my problems, you deal with yours. If you don't like it, well, tough luck.".

In general, I just try to be neutral about it. Feeling revengeful or being overly thoughtful makes no sense. This is why I will probably not write a long goodbye letter either.

If the point is to quit the game, then why would I care about how the game is played from there on?

The people who liked and accepted me will feel sad, I can't change that. And my revenge won't hurt those who don't care in the first place, because they just don't care.

However I still have hope, and death is not the only thing I want to do right now. For me it's just a very tempting option that I'm contemplating often. I feel the odds are against me, the chances to have a fulfilling life are less and less as time goes on, but not zero, so I keep going. But if there will be a point where I decide to go, I don't think I'll be too concerned about anything apart from how to actually force myself to do it.

By the way, are you sure ctb is your only option? What worked for me in the past, and still does is that if you feel really hopeless, just change anything. It literally can be anything, small or big, but I'm mostly thinking life decisions of some sort. When we are desperate, it's often because we feel we are out of options. So how to hack this? I start considering illogical or literally random options. It works surprisingly well.

For example, move to a different apartment or change jobs just for the sake of it. It can be more radical, e.g. move to a different country, enrol in school, quit school, start talking to your parents/siblings, or stop talking to them etc. Or it can be something simple, like let your hair grow longer, or cut it short. Get a car, get a bicycle, take the bus, or walk if you need to go somewhere, whichever you haven't done before. The key is that you don't have to improve, that's not the point! Just do anything random to create an imbalance in your life. It takes courage. But it's almost guaranteed that a new idea or a new state of mind will pop out as a result. You cannot foresee what it is, but once you're there, you can make a new decision.

 

[little helpers]

"I don't care about the aftermath of CTB"

when there *is* no aftermath for *me* to take

 

[ItsMe-Hecked]

"I don't care about the aftermath of CTB"

when there *is* no aftermath for *me* to take

True haha

 

[FuneralCry]

Some people can be so cruel, it is why I cannot stand people. I do not care about what happens after I ctb as I will not be alive to see it. Everything is meaningless. When we are dead, we are unable to experience anything. This life can be very horrible. I know it is hard to carry on when you are suffering so much. I wish you the best.

 

[8AEM]

"Après moi, le déluge"

 

[TheHatedOne]

I share the sentiment. I don't care what happens after either, not my fault that I was trampled on by humans to the point that I HAVE to do it. I don't care about how my parents and everyone who hated me in this life will choose to celebrate my death. They can all go fuck themselves. All I'm looking out for is getting rid of this cruelty and of the outrageous state of existing.

 

[FogFilledLife]

The only thing to careabout is sucess.