Venting I don’t care about anything anymore

[BlueButterfly111]

I'm 9 months into being a widow and I have lost all passion excitement and happiness in life. I used to feel so passionate about things and excited, I used to have hobbies and interests. A new season of 2 of my favorite shows came out that I've been waiting on for like a year, and I started watching it but I'm just not into it. I feel like this whole experience after that happened drained the life out of me at the age of 22. I wonder if antidepressants would help, but I don't think they will because I don't feel anything. I'm gonna ctb soon anyway, life is pointless.

 

[outrider567]

I'm 9 months into being a widow and I have lost all passion excitement and happiness in life. I used to feel so passionate about things and excited, I used to have hobbies and interests. A new season of 2 of my favorite shows came out that I've been waiting on for like a year, and I started watching it but I'm just not into it. I feel like this whole experience after that happened drained the life out of me at the age of 22. I wonder if antidepressants would help, but I don't think they will because I don't feel anything. I'm gonna ctb soon anyway, life is pointless.

same here, 3 years 3 months for me, but my relationship was for 35 years, until she died

 

[Linda]

I'm 9 months into being a widow and I have lost all passion excitement and happiness in life. I used to feel so passionate about things and excited, I used to have hobbies and interests. A new season of 2 of my favorite shows came out that I've been waiting on for like a year, and I started watching it but I'm just not into it. I feel like this whole experience after that happened drained the life out of me at the age of 22. I wonder if antidepressants would help, but I don't think they will because I don't feel anything. I'm gonna ctb soon anyway, life is pointless.

If you lose a partner it takes about 12 months to even start to regain some equilibrium, and about 5 years to get back to something like your normal self. So I'm not surprised you feel the way you do. I think you should wait for a few more months, and see whether things start to improve. You should certainly try to get past the 12 months anniversary of your husband's death. For many people, that's a significant milestone, and you may start to feel a bit better after it has passed. But whatever you decide to do, people here will support you.
If my husband dies, I won't even make it to the 9 months after his death that you have done.

 

[BlueButterfly111]

If you lose a partner it takes about 12 months to even start to regain some equilibrium, and about 5 years to get back to something like your normal self. So I'm not surprised you feel the way you do. I think you should wait for a few more months, and see whether things start to improve. You should certainly try to get past the 12 months anniversary of your husband's death. For many people, that's a significant milestone, and you may start to feel a bit better after it has passed. But whatever you decide to do, people here will support you.
If my husband dies, I won't even make it to the 9 months after his death that you have done.

Now that it's been 9 months, the grief actually is not as intense as it was even just a few months ago, what I'm struggling with now is emptiness. Honestly I don't know how or why I've survived this long. For the first couple of months everything was just a blur, and I wanted to die. It's a long story but I would've been dead two months ago if things went according to plan, now I'm waiting again I have a plan hopefully soon.

I knew that I wasn't going to make it after he passed, but I stayed because I have a beautiful spiritual relationship with him, and I've seen many signs from him. I wanted to feel his beautiful energy and spirit for as long as I could just in case I don't see him again after I die, but I think I will because he is my soulmate.

I'm sure about ctb because life is pointless without him, and I never did like living anyways.

 

[Linda]

Now that it's been 9 months, the grief actually is not as intense as it was even just a few months ago, what I'm struggling with now is emptiness. Honestly I don't know how or why I've survived this long. For the first couple of months everything was just a blur, and I wanted to die. It's a long story but I would've been dead two months ago if things went according to plan, now I'm waiting again I have a plan hopefully soon.

I knew that I wasn't going to make it after he passed, but I stayed because I have a beautiful spiritual relationship with him, and I've seen many signs from him. I wanted to feel his beautiful energy and spirit for as long as I could just in case I don't see him again after I die, but I think I will because he is my soulmate.

I'm sure about ctb because life is pointless without him, and I never did like living anyways.

If you decide to remain in this world, the emptiness will be filled when you eventually find a new partner. I know it doesn't seem like that at the moment, but for most people that's what happens.
If my husband dies before me, I won't be looking for a new partner. I will ctb. But I'm 71. You are 22 and your situation is very different. I think you could, if you so chose, get through this and have a good life ahead of you.
Whatever you decide to do, good luck.

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand as I personally see existing as so futile, I only hope to cease existing and never exist ever again, I hope you find peace, I wish you the best.

 

[divinemistress36]

Have you thought about trying Ketamine infusions to see if helps some with the depression and grief?

 

[BlueButterfly111]

Have you thought about trying Ketamine infusions to see if helps some with the depression and grief?

No, but that sounds like a good idea. Have you tried it, and if so, how did it make you feel?!

 

[divinemistress36]

It didnt help me but it helps a lot of people. It was cool leaving my body for a bit though I thought I was dead in another dimension and thought I was one with everyone so I guess it was kind of spiritual

No, but that sounds like a good idea. Have you tried it, and if so, how did it make you feel?

 

[aiyuxhan]

I'm so sorry for your loss :( I see your posts and my heart just aches for what you have been through.

 

[BlueButterfly111]

I'm so sorry for your loss :( I see your posts and my heart just aches for what you have been through.

Thank you I appreciate that.

 

[Aprilfarewell4]

Sometimes things happen that are so bad, that life becomes totally meaningless. I don't understand any of it but I know the feelings you describe. Maybe for you it will pass, and life will shine again for you, but then again, we all have a breaking point. Hopefully your Sn arrives soon and you will have the agency to decide what your next step will be. I believe life is nothing without love....felt or experienced...hug my friend <3

 

[BlueButterfly111]

Sometimes things happen that are so bad, that life becomes totally meaningless. I don't understand any of it but I know the feelings you describe. Maybe for you it will pass, and life will shine again for you, but then again, we all have a breaking point. Hopefully your Sn arrives soon and you will have the agency to decide what your next step will be. I believe life is nothing without love....felt or experienced...hug my friend <3

I don't know if I ever told you but I ended up reordering over a week ago, I didn't have to pay the full price since my package was lost. And I also ordered from a different source as well, hopefully one of them will get here soon!

And I fully agree with you on that, life without love is meaningless to me as well. I remember when he was alive I was actually living, now I am just existing. I appreciate your love and support always friend!