Story I did try SN

[GoneGoneGone]

After getting yesterday night loaded on Valium, xanax, zolpidem, ipubrofen, and Olanzapine, I prepared the SN as recommended and took it around midnight. I told my partner what I was going to do and he went to sleep...

I left a message with I'm sorry mom and the name of methylene blue. I guess I wanted to be found. Things to note:

1. I took the whole cup and didn't find it unpleasant, just like sea water
2. I did not throw up altho I tried like hell
3. It kicked in fast, last time I ate was probably 6 hours prior, but I collapsed and my heart was racing sooo bad. But no respiratory problems.
4. I was found by partner when I was desperately trying to throw up, and he called the ambulance.
5. The ambulance took their sweet time. At that time I definitely did not want to die.
6. While they were treating me, I got an allergy shock (the deadly kind), and was given adrenaline.
7. They couldn't find a vein. After they stabbed my like lunatics, since I know how it is done and learned from my mother, the moved me to a ward I guess. Then I threw up all night, but I'm not sure what, and I was left with that awful taste in my mouth.
8. When I left, the main doctor said that I was so lucky because all the blood they could get from me was brown black. Sherlock gave his two cents.
9. They said and I saw that oxygen in my blood was about 40 if I'm not mistaken. They were given me the treatment and I saw when all vital functions had dropped, then they gave adrenaline.

I guess no matter how much I try, no cojones. I don't think I even tried to impress my partner he wants me gone from his house.

Conclusion: SN could have taking me quite peacefully

 

[Apathy79]

That's a heck of a cry for help! If death wasn't the goal, do you know what was?

 

[artificialpasta]

Were there any side effects? Are you okay now? I hope you are.

 

[Hopeindeath!]

I hope things get better for you.

 

[C_F]

Thank you for sharing your experience!

 

[Xunnsu]

Thanks for updating us and sharing your experience.

 

[InTheAirTonight]

Was the fast heart rate painful or uncomfortable??

 

[All an illusion]

Wow not to sound corny but your story is heartbreaking in so many ways....i just hope you're still with us after that

 

[Pryras]

I don't know your story but If you want to share it we are here to listen! This is hard to read and very heartbreaking :( I'm glad you're still with us.

 

[akrasia]

You went through a hell of a lot! Thank you for sharing your experience. I hope you are okay now

 

[disabledandhopeless]

I can't believe your partner went to sleep after you told him what you were going to do.

 

[GoneGoneGone]

That's a heck of a cry for help! If death wasn't the goal, do you know what was?

I don't know I wanted to spite my partner who thought I was drama queen and went to bed

Were there any side effects? Are you okay now? I hope you are.

None. I looked at my hands and I was grayish. I'm okay, just very hungry and obviously in some form of ward

Was the fast heart rate painful or uncomfortable??

I think had I taken propranolol beforehand maybe it would have been ok. It scared me a little because I didn't know what would follow after 'D'oh'

 

[theguineapigking]

Im so sorry to hear about your attempt. Im shocked that your partner would not take what you said even somewhat seriously! That's really upsetting.

I'm glad you didn't suffer way too much(not to say you didn't suffer at all). I really hope you make a full recovery. Do you plan to attempt again? I can fully understand wanting the attention, especially if nobody is giving you their time of day. However, should you be considering attempting again, please think long and hard about this. I don't want you to go through this crap again.


Best wishes.

 

[GoneGoneGone]

I don't know your story but If you want to share it we are here to listen! This is hard to read and very heartbreaking :( I'm glad you're still with us.

Thank you. I did share my story on my other threads if you are interested

Im so sorry to hear about your attempt. Im shocked that your partner would not take what you said even somewhat seriously! That's really upsetting.

I'm glad you didn't suffer way too much(not to say you didn't suffer at all). I really hope you make a full recovery. Do you plan to attempt again? I can fully understand wanting the attention, especially if nobody is giving you their time of day. However, should you be considering attempting again, please think long and hard about this. I don't want you to go through this crap again.


Best wishes.

I think it is self-hatred, low self-esteem, and seeking attention, yeah. I assumed this role of the lonely and sick person I guess, since I had surgery and no one cared.

I don't wanna go through this again

 

[Aliali1992]

I'm so sorry you had to go through this and wish you a full recovery. And thanks for sharing your experience.
Did u lose conscious at all during this? And if yes how long did it take?
And if i may ask why did you have second thoughts? Was it because of the nausea and the effects of SN?

 

[JSauter]

For clarification:. You were desperately trying to throw up because you (personally/existentially/philosophically, etc)decided against dying, not because the symptoms were (physically) unbearable?


Thanks for sharing and I wish you didn't have to suffer through this.

 

[GoneGoneGone]

I'm so sorry you had to go through this and wish you a full recovery. And thanks for sharing your experience.
Did u lose conscious at all during this? And if yes how long did it take?
And if i may ask why did you have second thoughts? Was it because of the nausea and the effects of SN?

Thank you. I did lose consciousness, I remember they tried to lift me and I started saying prayers because blood pressure was too low, and after they took me in the ambulance, next thing I know I have an oxygen mask over my face. So it was maybe 20-30 minutes.
I had absolutely no nausea. It felt like diving too many times in the sea / ocean and inadvertently ingesting water.
I decided against cause SI. I thought it's not worth to die for my partner.

For clarification:. You were desperately trying to throw up because you (personally/existentially/philosophically, etc)decided against dying, not because the symptoms were (physically) unbearable?


Thanks for sharing and I wish you didn't have to suffer through this.

I didn't have physical symptoms apart from rapid heartbeat. I was dizzy but not nauseous for example.

Yes I decided to throw up myself, stuck my fingers but nothing. I think this is because I took benzos, they cut any nausea or vomiting away.

Later on I threw up in the emergency room and it was disgusting because I could feel my throat was burning. But all these symptoms are now gone.

Than you everyone for your kindness and not admonishing me for making so many mistakes with the procedure

 

[Kumachan]

Wow... Quite a story! But i guess it was not too painful at least... Thats plus one point to the SN method. Thanks for sharing!

 

[Yaalya]

Sorry for your experience. What was the unconsciousness like? Did you experience any pain?

 

[StuckAF]

I only have access to SN, if I take double the recommended dosage and throw up will I still die? P.s: no chance if someone finding me I live alone.

 

[Donk]

glad you are still with us @GoneGoneGone . thanks for sharing your experience with us.

 

[PeachBlossoms2310]

Sorry to hear this.

 

[GoneGoneGone]

Sorry for your experience. What was the unconsciousness like? Did you experience any pain?

Well I do not remember anything from that part. It's like sleeping.

I was a bit skeptical after that "chemist" wrote about SN and asphyxia etc. No, first you lose consciousness then I guess you die but you do not know it. I do reckon that the taste might throw many people off and those more sensitive will throw it up.

I only have access to SN, if I take double the recommended dosage and throw up will I still die? P.s: no chance if someone finding me I live alone.

No, absolutely not, please read the guide on this. The more you put the more likely you are to throw it up.

I used a measuring cup for SN and water and I honestly believe it was spot on.

 

[BrokenAngel8]

Thank you for sharing, this is a great insight as my method is also SN. I wish you well, whichever way you choose to go next. Hugs.

 

[GoneGoneGone]

Just wanted to add something very disturbing related to what @thrw_a_way1221221 has been saying about mental health professionals.

I saw the psychiatrist there (I was in ICU apparently), and she said she didn't really care if I attempt again or not (I live in a pro-choice country). Fine by me.

She wanted to talk to me and my partner to establish some boundaries about how we could interact without him driving me to suicide. She asked what my plan for the next 24 hours was. I smiled coyly because she had put me on the spot. I said probably I will sleep 16 hours as I am tired, relax by watching series for 4 hours, and cook and shower for 4 hours. She was staring blankly at me. I try to lighten up the mood so I said very jokingly "What do you think?" making a "Did I do well, teacher?" face. She started screaming and shouting that I was mocking her. I froze. I apologized, I explained, nothing. My partner stood there during this abusive reaction and said in front of her that he did want to break up and he will tolerate me until Corona restrictions get lifted. So BOTH of them thought it was okay to tell me that I will be homeless in 4 weeks, less than 12 hours after my attempt, even though he took the responsibility to make me move countries for him. How do you tell a person who said their last prayers that you want them out of your life after you have abused and bullied them. How can you as a MHP hear this and not have alarm bells ringing in your head, and still blame the victim for being frantic and not playing the sociable part in human interactions?

So I am completely disgusted. Maybe even my poor country is better than disgusting MHPs who just wanna do their paperwork and sign off.

 

[Apathy79]

I'm amazed you didn't end up in the ward. Although being back in the house together now that you've broken up probably won't be a huge improvement. Hopefully restrictions ease up soon.

 

[Kumachan]

What was the unconsciousness like?

I bet you experience that every night, apart from the dreams most of the night is unconsciousness - no time, no perception, no blackness. Thats why time flies when we sleep doesnt it? Theres no one in unconsciousness to know or feel anything, no "you".

 

[GoneGoneGone]

I'm amazed you didn't end up in the ward. Although being back in the house together now that you've broken up probably won't be a huge improvement. Hopefully restrictions ease up soon.

Nobody cares, it's a pro-choice country. I told my GP I was suicidal last October, and he said he accepted my decision. That was not the point! It's been six months since then and I had 4 very serious attempts. There is obviously a struggle within me of managing all my mental issues, and then trying to utilize the system to get me some help, only to be shunned by the system and ending up believing that suicide is the only option. If the system did work, I would very much like to give it a try.

 

[muffin222]

I'm sorry you went through this. I sincerely hope you can get the support and assistance you need.

Gently, I want to say that no one, regardless of their actions, can "drive" us to suicide. It's our free-will choice at the end. I can tell you're in a lot of pain and emotional turmoil, so I don't want this to sound like criticism. It's just alarming to me that you seem to place responsibility over your decision whether to ctb in your boyfriend's hands essentially...

 

[Cedi]

Nobody cares, it's a pro-choice country. I told my GP I was suicidal last October, and he said he accepted my decision. That was not the point! It's been six months since then and I had 4 very serious attempts. There is obviously a struggle within me of managing all my mental issues, and then trying to utilize the system to get me some help, only to be shunned by the system and ending up believing that suicide is the only option. If the system did work, I would very much like to give it a try.

In which country you are staying if I may ask?