Venting I did a horrible thing - The dangers of saying goodbye

[vak]

I made a huge mistake and there is nowhere in this world for me to vent. So enjoy the mad ramblings if you are brave enough.

There's this obscure TV show available on a localized version of Netflix. Unfortunately, it lacks subtitles. However, there's a woman on Patreon who for about 8 years has been adding subtitles to the episodes. She does an excellent job, explaining jokes and puns, identifying songs, and such.

She is somewhat physically disabled and seem to suffer from depression. From what I've understood, her back causes her significant pain while editing episodes, and she is afflicted by some benign tumors that are unique to women, if I remember correctly, making it difficult to sit for extended periods. She receives some financial support from a relatively small number of patrons, but essentially, she works almost for free. She promises to release several episodes a month as part of her pledge, but she barely manages to squeeze out one every one or two months.

I have never complained about the pace or anything else. I was her first patron (as she told me), always offering encouragement. I sent her extra money when she needed a new computer screen. It has always been a positive experience for me and I love the show so everyone was happy - until now

She is midway through translating the series and recently posted an update on the project's status, pondering whether she should stop, adjust her pledge, or find a different solution. She asked her community for their opinions.

That's when it dawned on me that, due to certain plans I have for the summer, I won't be able to see this project completed. I became sad and realized I should probably stop my monthly support on Patreon. I didn't want to do it abruptly, as she would be notified, so I thought perhaps it would be respectful to say a genuine goodbye for once and thank her for her work.

So, I replied with this message:

I won't live long enough to see this project completed unfortunately, even if you'd pump out several episodes per month, so I will continue with the Czech version, which is ripped from a VHS (imagine the quality ).

Let me take this opportunity to sincerely thank you for the translations you've provided us so far. You've taken on a significant burden, a promise, and in my eyes, you've fulfilled it many times over. I can imagine that committing to a single project for so long can become exhausting, especially when the contribution you receive from us may not be highly motivating.

Whatever path you choose to follow, I hope it leads you to happiness, and I wish for your health - both physical and mental - to improve.

My heart to you for every episode:

And then I received a reply from her, asking if I was ill and promising to obtain the Czech version of the show and merge it with the Netflix HD version (HD image with the Czech sound, instead of the subtitles), offering to share it with me over the coming months and asking about how much time I had left.

Words cannot express how terrible I feel about this She probably thinks this is some kind of make-a-wish thing or something. I've tried to stop her, but she has already sent me one episode. I can't bring myself to watch it because I feel as though I've manipulated her in a disgusting manner, and now I will receive this 'punishment' every few days before I leave. And I don't think coming clean with my true intentions, and that I'm not ill at all, would make things better, it would probably traumatize her. I've never done something so horrendous to someone, and the thought of her possibly enduring physical pain due to her back condition to produce these episodes quickly is haunting me.

So, perhaps learn from my mistake and be careful how you say goodbye

 

[reclaimedbynature]

I don't see it as a punishment op, terminal illness or not it makes no difference - she would've done the same regardless. She seems to genuinely enjoy doing these things (and even if you hadn't told her she'd still continue to make these subtitles) - so I'm sure it's no inconvenience to her to do it for someone whose only shown her support and appreciation. Even if it brings her pain, it might be that it offers her some relief or distraction from her condition, otherwise she wouldn't do it. I don't think it's necessary to come clean with her if you don't feel comfortable with it - but maybe just showing her that you appreciate what she's done for you is more than enough.

 

[vak]

I don't see it as a punishment op, terminal illness or not it makes no difference - she would've done the same regardless. She seems to genuinely enjoy doing these things (even if you hadn't told her she still would continue to make these subtitles) - so I'm sure it's no inconvenience to her to do it for someone whose only shown her support and appreciation. Even if it brings her pain it might offer her some relief or distraction from that pain, otherwise she wouldn't do it. I don't think it's necessary to come clean with her if you don't feel comfortable with it - but maybe just showing her that you appreciate what she's done for you is enough.

Thank you, this actually made me feel better. I will try to enjoy and appreciate her work if I won't be able to convince her to stop and try not to think too much about the very different picture I put in her head.

 

[RemainingDubious]

Words cannot express how terrible I feel about this She probably thinks this is some kind of make-a-wish thing or something.

i personally don't think you've done anything terrible. Her assumptions are on her.

 

[Endisclose]

I made a huge mistake and there is nowhere in this world for me to vent. So enjoy the mad ramblings if you are brave enough.

There's this obscure TV show available on a localized version of Netflix. Unfortunately, it lacks subtitles. However, there's a woman on Patreon who for about 8 years has been adding subtitles to the episodes. She does an excellent job, explaining jokes and puns, identifying songs, and such.

She is somewhat physically disabled and seem to suffer from depression. From what I've understood, her back causes her significant pain while editing episodes, and she is afflicted by some benign tumors that are unique to women, if I remember correctly, making it difficult to sit for extended periods. She receives some financial support from a relatively small number of patrons, but essentially, she works almost for free. She promises to release several episodes a month as part of her pledge, but she barely manages to squeeze out one every one or two months.

I have never complained about the pace or anything else. I was her first patron (as she told me), always offering encouragement. I sent her extra money when she needed a new computer screen. It has always been a positive experience for me and I love the show so everyone was happy - until now

She is midway through translating the series and recently posted an update on the project's status, pondering whether she should stop, adjust her pledge, or find a different solution. She asked her community for their opinions.

That's when it dawned on me that, due to certain plans I have for the summer, I won't be able to see this project completed. I became sad and realized I should probably stop my monthly support on Patreon. I didn't want to do it abruptly, as she would be notified, so I thought perhaps it would be respectful to say a genuine goodbye for once and thank her for her work.

So, I replied with this message:

And then I received a reply from her, asking if I was ill and promising to obtain the Czech version of the show and merge it with the Netflix HD version (HD image with the Czech sound, instead of the subtitles), offering to share it with me over the coming months and asking about how much time I had left.

Words cannot express how terrible I feel about this She probably thinks this is some kind of make-a-wish thing or something. I've tried to stop her, but she has already sent me one episode. I can't bring myself to watch it because I feel as though I've manipulated her in a disgusting manner, and now I will receive this 'punishment' every few days before I leave. And I don't think coming clean with my true intentions, and that I'm not ill at all, would make things better, it would probably traumatize her. I've never done something so horrendous to someone, and the thought of her possibly enduring physical pain due to her back condition to produce these episodes quickly is haunting me.

So, perhaps learn from my mistake and be careful how you say goodbye

I don't think you've done anything terrible at all. A lot if illnesses like bipolar, borderline, schizophrenia are really terminal.. There is no known cure for these. To me they are pretty much like cancer, the only difference being in a lot of the mental illnesses the person suffering is forced to pull the plug themselves rather than having it done for them by nature..

Also the difference in cases of mental illness is that one will often have to contend with social prejudice as though the person has done something wrong when in most cases these conditions are genetic/congenital whereas in a physical illness like cancer one gets the royal treatment and is fawned over like a baby.. Mental pain is no less and it only takes a person suffering day in and day out to know that.. At least cancer will be over quickly, imagine living a shitty life with mental illnesses for years and the pain one has to contend with during that time. Its society that has its blinkers on with its skewed sense of whats proper and appropriate and what's not.

I'd say be thankful for what you receive, make her a generous contribution if you like. Show her your appreciation of her work and don't beat yourself up. Think that would be the best thing to do in this situation.