I despise everything about myself

[TheHatedOne]

How do I even start. When I say that I am the personification of trash I'm not joking at all. I'm not exaggerated when I say that EVERYTHING at me is bad, this is why I've been bullied and treated harsh throughout life, this is why people left me, this is why I'm avoided like the plague.

I'm gonna start with my looks: holy cow do I absolutely have a horrible and grotesque face, it's like I'm a living corpse. the eyes are decent, but the rest is just awful. the face is the first thing a person sees when they meet you, in this context how could I even get accepted by someone with this pathetic deformed face? I often have thoughts to pour acid over my face, I'd look better if I'd do that. I swear I'm terrified to look at myself in the mirror and Zoom classes give me breakdowns.

My body? I'm a fat ass. I had weight problems my whole life, I get fat way too easy and it's absolutely difficult to lose weight for me. Last time I tried I only managed to lose 4kgs the whole summer while most manage to lose more. It makes self harming more reasonable.

The way I move? cringe. The way I do things? cringe. I'm slow at everything (except walking).

Now moving on to personality and related stuff. I'm a very horrible person, I really hate being random and having a 4th grader humour, I hate being braindead and not even being able to type words correctly, since over a day I can barely type a word correct anymore, even when sober. My brain is fucking dying or something, I don't know what's happening. I hate my voice, I hate the way I speak, I hate my speech problems, I'm fucking triggered when I hear myself. I hate the way I fuck up things and relationships. You know what I absolutely despise now? Me being almost DEAF. I swear. I can't comprehend anything audio, I can't hear well and this was confirmed once again today and I feel like bashing my head on the wall on and on and on and on.

I despise my shyness, it's repulsive to everyone. I hate my cowardice, if not for it I would have been long, long gone. I hate being scared of everything and tremoring at every shit ever. I hate this shitty heart that hurts non stop.

Every single day I wish I was someone else. Being me is the most horrible sentence ever. I'm not worthy of anything good. A trash is a trash.

 

[FuneralCry]

Being alive really is horrible as there is no escape from ourselves and our thoughts. I'm sorry you are in so much pain. No one should have to suffer like this. I wish you the best.

 

[Aliali1992]

you're being too harsh and unfair to yourself…you're not doing things right? so what? no one does no matter what you think everybody screws up…and all the time and so much worse than you…you just need to find another way to lose weight or whatever target you are not being able to reach…just suggest what might've wrong with your plan and try and try that is how it works…treat yourself no worse than someone you care about and is telling you he is trash…you have strenghts and weaknesses like everyone else… even if you can't find them now it is because the illness is blocking them…