Venting I despise being told my experiences are a blessing

[willitpass]

I'm in therapy and have been pretty much my entire life. I'm still on family insurance as my dad has significantly better insurance than what my job offers, however this means that I can't quit therapy as he would know and would probably panic if I did. I stay in it because it keeps my family at ease thinking I'm in recovery and doing well. All of that aside, my last therapy session I was discussing (very vaguely as I keep my true mental state under wraps to avoid being thrown back in the hospital) how having tried all treatment options at such a young age sucks because that means there is nothing left to try. I was telling her that when most people tell someone they are depressed or struggling, the response is to go to therapy or try meds or meditation or go to the gym. However with me, there is nothing I have not tried. When I am depressed or not doing well there are no more options to turn to. There are no meds that work for me, I've done every therapy option, every lifestyle change. When I am depressed then I'm shit out of luck. She told me that having all of the knowledge from years of therapy and treatments is a blessing because I understand myself better than others. I say that's fucking bullshit. Maybe I understand some things about myself, but I still want to die. I still loathe everything about myself. I'm still so deep in my anorexia I am consumed by it. I still hate every day that I'm alive. This is not a blessing. Don't fucking tell me my suffering is a blessing. If anyone spent a day in my head they would not call years of trauma trying to get better to no avail a good thing.

 

[FuneralCry]

I see that as such an insensitive thing to say. I hate when people invalidate suffering with toxic positivity.

 

[deadtomorrow]

"You should be grateful that you are alive! You know what it took for you to be born on this earth"?
I hate when people say this.

 

[ixkitty]

I understand the feeling.

I have also been told how grateful I should be for my life, how much I mean to other people, how wonderful an impact I make, how I need to just... make myself happy, how I should... not worry about the small things... and the list goes on. I understand they're trying to help but please... do you not believe I have tried these things before? Family and friends have tossed their "live for x" and "strive for y" and "it'll get better, just keep fighting" ...

Do they not realize that fighting is exhausting?

no... I suppose not...

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

It's like telling someone in a burning house to remain calm and be appreciative of their surroundings. Sadistic if you ask me.

 

[noSuffering]

Life is a struggle, but I don't want to fight. I want the end of all suffering. Someone here wrote about toxic positivity, but I would say that there is no such thing as NOT toxic positivity. Optimism is the cause of suffering. My optimist parents didn't give a damn that they were giving birth to a creature that felt suffering into a world where suffering existed.

 

[huphup]

I hate this so much. The worst being from health care practitioners who have no idea what I am going through. They say shit like this and then don't know that my sister bit and punched me or my other sister the other day, for example. Truly insensitive.

 

[SilentSadness]

Saying it's a blessing to experience intense suffering because it might alleviate suffering in the future doesn't make any sense. It's terrible to have to experience suffering and it's terrible that we live in a world where suffering is required.