I deeply regret not ctb far earlier

[MAIO]

I really wish I would of killed myself years and years ago or better yet never been born.

 

[Morbid Cam]

I feel the exact same way, everyone always says "dont give up" or "just keep going things will get better eventually" but what they dont understand is that people are never garunteeed to have a good life, but suffering IS guaranteed. Life sucks

 

[TAW122]

I feel the exact same way, everyone always says "dont give up" or "just keep going things will get better eventually" but what they dont understand is that people are never garunteeed to have a good life, but suffering IS guaranteed. Life sucks

Exactly. I've heard the things get better spiel throughout my whole life as well as don't/never give up, which is annoying as hell. Part of the reason I think that people do that is due to society indoctrinating them and their cognitive bias (and many other biases).

 

[Dead_Inside]

Can't agree more. I was suppose to be dead in April. I can't be here. And it didn't get better.

 

[blueming]

Me too, I regret not dying sooner.

I feel the exact same way, everyone always says "dont give up" or "just keep going things will get better eventually" but what they dont understand is that people are never garunteeed to have a good life, but suffering IS guaranteed. Life sucks

Exactly. There is no guarantee things will get better, it can always get worse. It's all a gamble, and I don't want to gamble anymore.

 

[Comatose11]

Me too. I did have some hope it would get better when I was a teenager. But I've realized it doesn't. I'm now an adult. I wish I ctb as a teenager.

 

[J Tizzle]

I know what you mean. I tried about 5 years ago (I was 21, young, naive, didn't research the best methods); but I was really grateful I survived. Things did get better for a while and I had some great experiences. But everything has been crumbling, and for the last two years it's all gotten worse and worse. So I guess I had some happiness after my attempt that lasted a little while. Not sure it was worth it, and I find myself wishing I was just successful back then.

 

[stargazer]

There there. I know the feeling. But looking back, there were never many places I could say there was say an opportunity. So I've never really been able to "attempt".

 

[Kingkelly]

Don't grow up its a trap

 

[Lifeisatrap]

I feel the same way. The sad thing is I was suppose to die as soon as I was born as I came into the world with the umbilical cord rapped around my neck! But the damn doctors put me in an incubater. Death has been teasing me since before I had the capacity to even acknowlege it lol. Life is so cruel.

 

[MsM3talGamer]

I feel the same. I was supposed to die 7 years ago in Dec 2011. Unfortunately, I stupidly went to the hospital and was saved via emergency surgery. If I had known what 7 years of Hell would follow, I would have stayed at home and died. I keep looking back on that lost opportunity with massive regret.

"It wasn't your time" is a bullshit platitude. Yeah, it wasn't my time because the universe wanted me to stay and suffer more. It certainly wasn't worth surviving that operation. If I thought my life was bad before 2011, it has got exponentially worse since then. My life and health is crumbling around me.

 

[MAIO]

I'm going to need to politely disagree with this thread. I think it is worth hanging in for as long as possible because for some of us things will change. Once you decide to finally CTB any additional time you held on for and the pain associated with it won't matter anymore.

That is nonsense. How can you say negative anything below neutral does not matter only positive matters? Look if I watch a movie I hate I am not better off for watching it. Same with life.

 

[dyingtodie]

I was quite close to ctb at 15, and was quite, quite suicidal, hospitalized in psych ward for 9 days due to a very deep cut with a razor (accidental) I was just trying to SI (self-injure) for the drug fix to get me through the hellish day, so in a day or two I could 'go for it', with a razor, how ghastly!! I'd done no research...as naive as could be, just needed OUT. Luckily! I survived. And went on to live for another 15 years, with cycles of hellish depression each one, lots of toil, hard work, etc...I'm so glad that I stayed to work through so much within my own personality, and to prove myself, to myself that I could succeed, and relatively speaking did quite well...I enjoyed a privileged life that I earned by laboring, no silver spoon. Anyhow, now at 31...I'm quite ready...as all the dreams added up to naught. Though I wonder, is the same thing about to happen again, if I simply don't ctb? But I'm going mad, crazy, really losing it, isolated, alienated and so quality of life is just going down the toilet. I feel I'm ranting and hijacking a post! Yeah, so I'm glad I lived long enough to earn these lessons...I regret not exiting sooner for sure...but I certainly 'worked through' with CBT and a good therapist a lot of shit, and if the world were a more hospitable place for sensitive empathic people I'd love to stay here...but living in the 6th Extinction and feelin' it is just too much to bare. I'm not leaving a note so I hope my maker reads this and comprehends. Ugh, what a Horror humanity has become, sheer horror.

 

[Kyrok]

As far back as i can recall, I would have been better off dead.

 

[FornaxMM]

I wish i had never been born, Never would have had to deal with any of this shit.

 

[Retched]

I wish i had never been born, Never would have had to deal with any of this shit.

Same.