Venting I cut myself tonight.. Going to CTB tomorrow night

[Dry-Finding7733]

So I just cut myself for the first time in a couple months. I don't really understand why, but I did. It actually sorta comical when I think about it. I mean, there was so much scar tissue which has formed over the years from previous events that the first few slices wouldn't even shed blood.

Why do we do this? Why must we resort to such an act for a reason that neither of us will fully understand? Why does self harm feel so good?

After tonight, I believe that I have made up my mind. I'm going through with the SN method tomorrow night. I have all the supplies prepared, a note written out, etc. etc. I could just quickly mix together the water and SN and be dead by morning, but there is that"something" inside of me that is saying "just wait until tomorrow."

I honestly don't even understand as to why I'm deciding to post this. At best, a few people may see the title, skim over my remarks, and leave without never saying anything. I guess what I'm really looking for is just someone to talk to, even for a minute. Someone that understands.

 

[Dizzylady80]

I've relapsed on self harm before, it's rough I'm so sorry you're in the place you're in. You aren't screaming into the void though, I hear you and am here for you if you want to talk

 

[HelloIamSummer]

I hear you. It sounds like life has got you in a dark place. I'm here if you want to talk.

 

[jacarandash]

my messages are always open if you want someone to speak to, take care

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry that you suffer, life is just too cruel and there certainly does seem to be no relief from suffering in this world. But anyway, I wish you the best with your plans.