I cringed when I imagine how my family will react if I CTB (How do you deal with this?)

[Nothing87]

I am now practicing my chosen method (Hanging) and I can't help but cringed everytime I Imagine how will my family reacts If i died. Thus, this is the reason why sometimes I postponed my CTB plan. I am not really afraid to leave them but I just cringed everytime I imagine their reactions.

I am really desperate to die, and I need help or advices how to deal with this kind of thinking. I apologized if this may sound insensitive or rude for those people who lost a loved ones to suicide.

 

[coffeebeany]

I ve been struggling with the same thought. I have loving friends and a loving partner. I ll not chose hanging but I dread their pain when they hear about ctb. I suppose it makes a difference who and how they find you? In my case I plan not for them to find me but still. I don't know if this is helpful or not. But I ve been dealing with it a long time and I think I have to accept that they will be hurt and in pain and probably for a long long time to come. I have to accept it. And I take full responsibility because that's on me. But like me they will be gone one day and all pain with them. I like to imagine that they find comfort knowing that I m no longer suffering. I hope that they will forgive me and understand after their anger ceases. But this is beyond my control. I just hope

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry you have to suffer in that situation, I hope you find what you search for, I also just wish to be gone and I really understand just wanting to be free from this existence.

 

[ToilThenDie]

The way I view it is that yes they may be sad that you're gone, but they should at least find some solace in the fact that you are no longer suffering

 

[nomoredolor]

I am now practicing my chosen method (Hanging) and I can't help but cringed everytime I Imagine how will my family reacts If i died. Thus, this is the reason why sometimes I postponed my CTB plan. I am not really afraid to leave them but I just cringed everytime I imagine their reactions.

I am really desperate to die, and I need help or advices how to deal with this kind of thinking. I apologized if this may sound insensitive or rude for those people who lost a loved ones to suicide.

This is a huge struggle for me. I feel like a total asshole. I tell myself that I've been mostly unselfish my whole life, so I will be selfish in death and free myself from suffering. I am writing them notes. (Which makes the guilt worse but at least I'm giving them SOMETHING to work with after my death.)

That being said I wish I knew what could bring even a modicum of comfort to my loved ones. They're definitely the reason I haven't done it yet

This is a huge struggle for me. I feel like a total asshole. I tell myself that I've been mostly unselfish my whole life, so I will be selfish in death and free myself from suffering. I am writing them notes. (Which makes the guilt worse but at least I'm giving them SOMETHING to work with after my death.)

That being said I wish I knew what could bring even a modicum of comfort to my loved ones. They're definitely the reason I haven't done it yet

I also said in my notes that irs not their fault and that I'm responsible for my own actions

 

[Ineedthis18743]

I ve been struggling with the same thought. I have loving friends and a loving partner. I ll not chose hanging but I dread their pain when they hear about ctb. I suppose it makes a difference who and how they find you? In my case I plan not for them to find me but still. I don't know if this is helpful or not. But I ve been dealing with it a long time and I think I have to accept that they will be hurt and in pain and probably for a long long time to come. I have to accept it. And I take full responsibility because that's on me. But like me they will be gone one day and all pain with them. I like to imagine that they find comfort knowing that I m no longer suffering. I hope that they will forgive me and understand after their anger ceases. But this is beyond my control. I just hope

Well put. I also feel this way. As sad as it is to think about I also gain comfort in the thought that my partner will move on and in the end hopefully they have had a happy life and that life they will have lived wouldn't have been possible if I hadn't ctb. In the end they will have been able to meet another love who hopefully makes them even happier etc and that I think will make it easier to forgive me. Or even not give me a second thought which is fine too. I hope when they die I will have been long gone and they've had a long happy life and I was just a small in the grand scheme of it all not hugely important part. Unfortunately as much as it not the case I do think my partner will probably the one to find me.

 

[euphoric_freak]

I am now practicing my chosen method (Hanging) and I can't help but cringed everytime I Imagine how will my family reacts If i died. Thus, this is the reason why sometimes I postponed my CTB plan. I am not really afraid to leave them but I just cringed everytime I imagine their reactions.

I am really desperate to die, and I need help or advices how to deal with this kind of thinking. I apologized if this may sound insensitive or rude for those people who lost a loved ones to suicide.

I am a recovering alcoholic. Because of suicidal ideation I drank recklessly with no regard for personal safety. All I really cared was it made the pain go away for a brief moment. I figured it would be nice to die as an accident because my previous attempts to CTB were not good memories.

I know exactly how my family would react to my passing because I was found during a binge so bad that I really didn't think I was going to make it. Long story short, that moment was probably the worst pain I've ever seen them in, and was incredibly hard for me to watch them in such pain because of my actions.

That experience is one of the reasons I can't really stick to any plan to CTB these days, I can't bear to imagine them feeling the same hopelessness once again.

Considering the pain your loved ones would experience in the event of your passing shows you are a kind and loving person .

 

[Calliandras]

In my past attempts I remained Just concious enough to remember my family's reaction. Sorry If this triggers anyone, pls stop Reading If this upsets you.


It was not good. All the screaming and crying. I've never Heard them sound like that. I Hope by now they are more numb bc i'll try again soon enough.

 

[coffeebeany]

Well put. I also feel this way. As sad as it is to think about I also gain comfort in the thought that my partner will move on and in the end hopefully they have had a happy life and that life they will have lived wouldn't have been possible if I hadn't ctb. In the end they will have been able to meet another love who hopefully makes them even happier etc and that I think will make it easier to forgive me. Or even not give me a second thought which is fine too. I hope when they die I will have been long gone and they've had a long happy life and I was just a small in the grand scheme of it all not hugely important part. Unfortunately as much as it not the case I do think my partner will probably the one to find me.

this hits home "just a small in the grand scheme of it all" - that's what I hope. I was there, I loved them and I changed their lives in small ways and vice versa. But I was just a small piece in their lives and I hope they ll move on.

 

[AbyssalAlien]

If you do decide to do this and you do not want your family to be the first ones to find your body, which will be traumatizing to see for them, here is what you can do.

You can send a SCHEDULED email to your local police department, letting them know when and where to find your body. If you choose to do it in your home, they will likely meet with your family for either A) Wellness check. OR B) 5150 (Involuntary hospitalization). Assuming you lock the door, they will ask your family to unlock it...keep that in mind if you do not want them seeing your body in that state.

A hanged body is not pretty. Besides the fact the skin on your head will turn blue, your eyes may be bulging and your tongue will probably hang out, and you will likely defecate and urinate yourself. The smell will be a dead giveaway, so you cannot delay this for too long or do it while your family is home. Likely should wait until your family is on a trip or vacation and leave the doors open.

And do not do this over a carpet floor. That stain will stay, and will add more trauma for your family. Same for wooden floors.

Worse case scenario? If you mess up? You will be 5150 and likely injured or worse, crippled.

See the statistics of successful hanging before you do this. If it isnt a complete neck snap, your body WILL struggle whether you like it or not to fight strangulation.

 

[PI3.14]

Look, I don't hate my parents but it's none of their business whether I live or die.

I'm low-key close to them. I live away from home and we video call each other at least twice a day and we chat for hours.

We talk a lot about my mental health but I always tell them to not bring up the topic of "continuing to live no matter what" to me.

I ask them these questions when they say this to me:

• Can you make me taller?
• Can you give me a successful career?
• Can you compensate me for the years I lost to depression? and during which I wasn't able to study or work.
• Can you get me a loving girlfriend?

They know they can't and so they change the subject.

For me I consider suicide to be s fundamental human right. I didn't have a say in being born, in being short, in getting depression and anxiety...etc. Thus, at least I want to have the option to opt out when I want to. It's my life and therefore it's my choice.