It's weird and stupid, I know. It feels like I'd do anything for someone to touch me but I can't handle it when people actually try to be affectionate with me. It seems like I don't even know what a real hug is like. I only became aware of it when my friend asked for a hug after we graduated so we wouldn't see each other as much and I did the usual thing where I kinda just hold her shoulders and get a bit closer you know, like a brief, not firm hug but she was trying to get even closer than that, saying she wants an actual hug but it felt so weird and my body was moving away on its own. Like I would have given her the hug because duh she's my friend but it was so weirddd to be so close to another person and have them trying to get even closer.
This same friend is kind of more physically affectionate than my other friends, not in a weird way, just 2 gals being pals, you know, and sometimes she kinda just touches my arms/hands when we sit next to each other and it's not like invasive enough for me to want to get away like a hug because I do want hugs but at the same time it's just a lot to handle. Idk if I'm making sense, I don't even make sense to myself sometimes I'm sorry just bear with me. But anyway it's really nice when she does that and every single time she stops, in my head I'm like noooo please keep going and one time she rubbed my back and guys I would actually do anythingggg to feel that again it was sooo nice. And don't even get me started on headpats. But if she asked me if she can do it I would probably say no and then cry about it to my plushies later. I really don't know why I'm like this.
This same friend is kind of more physically affectionate than my other friends, not in a weird way, just 2 gals being pals, you know, and sometimes she kinda just touches my arms/hands when we sit next to each other and it's not like invasive enough for me to want to get away like a hug because I do want hugs but at the same time it's just a lot to handle. Idk if I'm making sense, I don't even make sense to myself sometimes I'm sorry just bear with me. But anyway it's really nice when she does that and every single time she stops, in my head I'm like noooo please keep going and one time she rubbed my back and guys I would actually do anythingggg to feel that again it was sooo nice. And don't even get me started on headpats. But if she asked me if she can do it I would probably say no and then cry about it to my plushies later. I really don't know why I'm like this.
