i couldnt do it

[tinyghost]

i couldnt do it. i looked too sketchy i guess and a patrol officer talked to me. i didnt say anything to give myself away but it spooked me heavily. it felt like every eye was on me. i feel like a miserable failure because i think if i was just fast and dedicated enough i could have done it. when i got home i almost spilled the whole thing to my husband but luckily didnt, so i may still have a chance. im also considering the sf-oakland bay bridge, or just trying to hang myself again. i believe that its patrolled a lot less and has no net. i know that no one here wants anyone else to die, but im still sorry to everyone who took the time to say goodbye and speak to me when i didnt deserve it.

 

[FlyAwayHoney]

There is no reason to apologize, and certainly no reason to beat yourself up about it. They have that bridge locked down pretty tight with safety patrols and make it hard for anyone…

 

[Some place nice]

You deserve all the love and support that was given to you. No one thought you might fail bc we wanted you too be happy and it peace. You deserved and still deserve a goodbye. You'll find your happiness and peace one day, I believe in you.

 

[Life Is My Coffin]

i feel like a miserable failure

If you can't do it, don't. Nobody is pressuring you here. Don't go if it's not the thing to do.

 

[TimetoGo!]

i couldnt do it. i looked too sketchy i guess and a patrol officer talked to me. i didnt say anything to give myself away but it spooked me heavily. it felt like every eye was on me. i feel like a miserable failure because i think if i was just fast and dedicated enough i could have done it. when i got home i almost spilled the whole thing to my husband but luckily didnt, so i may still have a chance. im also considering the sf-oakland bay bridge, or just trying to hang myself again. i believe that its patrolled a lot less and has no net. i know that no one here wants anyone else to die, but im still sorry to everyone who took the time to say goodbye and speak to me when i didnt deserve it.

Its the hardest thing a human can do probably……no need to apologise. I've been there 3/4 times now and didn't succeed, and its hard keeping it to yourself, thats why on here is so important for opening up ❤

 

[Weltall]

i couldnt do it. i looked too sketchy i guess and a patrol officer talked to me. i didnt say anything to give myself away but it spooked me heavily. it felt like every eye was on me. i feel like a miserable failure because i think if i was just fast and dedicated enough i could have done it. when i got home i almost spilled the whole thing to my husband but luckily didnt, so i may still have a chance. im also considering the sf-oakland bay bridge, or just trying to hang myself again. i believe that its patrolled a lot less and has no net. i know that no one here wants anyone else to die, but im still sorry to everyone who took the time to say goodbye and speak to me when i didnt deserve it.

If you haven't talked to your husband about the thoughts and feelings you're having right now, then please consider doing so.
You're not a failure, and we only want you to be happy.

 

[tinyghost]

There is no reason to apologize, and certainly no reason to beat yourself up about it. They have that bridge locked down pretty tight with safety patrols and make it hard for anyone…

yeah, they have vehicles parked in front of the fence where the gaps are and officers bike up and down constantly. there were also people working in the net below, not to mention other pedestrians. i just knew that the second i swung my leg over someone was going to snatch me and send me away. i guess i was just kidding myself.

You deserve all the love and support that was given to you. No one thought you might fail bc we wanted you too be happy and it peace. You deserved and still deserve a goodbye. You'll find your happiness and peace one day, I believe in you.

thank you so much. im so moved by how supportive everyone is here. its so hard finding that kind of understanding.

If you can't do it, don't. Nobody is pressuring you here. Don't go if it's not the thing to do.

i mostly feel pressure from myself because i have a deadline, and voices that mock my failure :( i dont feel at all pressured by anyone here

Its the hardest thing a human can do probably……no need to apologise. I've been there 3/4 times now and didn't succeed, and its hard keeping it to yourself, thats why on here is so important for opening up ❤

i dont know why i want to blurt it out. i guess because its agonizing knowing that you are living your final days due to how unfair the world is and everyone else goes on as normal. the jumping part doesnt seem as hard as getting over the railing without being caught, surrounded by people. the fear of being hospitalized paralyzes me. its a relief that theres a place i can speak about how i feel and why i think theres so much value in this community

If you haven't talked to your husband about the thoughts and feelings you're having right now, then please consider doing so.
You're not a failure, and we only want you to be happy.

my husband already is distrustful of me because of my recent attempt, and i know that if i tell him im feeling suicidal it will not only cause him a lot of stress when hes already got a lot on his plate and disrupt his work, but also make him hyper suspicious of me and make a future attempt more difficult. ive appreciated the support ive gotten so much its really helping me through this right now.

 

[FuneralCry]

I find it cruel how people cannot have the option to just die in peace without the risk of other people potentially interfering, I hate how it's so difficult to cease existing on our own terms. But anyway I wish you the best.

 

[Weltall]

yeah, they have vehicles parked in front of the fence where the gaps are and officers bike up and down constantly. there were also people working in the net below, not to mention other pedestrians. i just knew that the second i swung my leg over someone was going to snatch me and send me away. i guess i was just kidding myself.

thank you so much. im so moved by how supportive everyone is here. its so hard finding that kind of understanding.

i mostly feel pressure from myself because i have a deadline, and voices that mock my failure :( i dont feel at all pressured by anyone here

i dont know why i want to blurt it out. i guess because its agonizing knowing that you are living your final days due to how unfair the world is and everyone else goes on as normal. the jumping part doesnt seem as hard as getting over the railing without being caught, surrounded by people. the fear of being hospitalized paralyzes me. its a relief that theres a place i can speak about how i feel and why i think theres so much value in this community

my husband already is distrustful of me because of my recent attempt, and i know that if i tell him im feeling suicidal it will not only cause him a lot of stress when hes already got a lot on his plate and disrupt his work, but also make him hyper suspicious of me and make a future attempt more difficult. ive appreciated the support ive gotten so much its really helping me through this right now.

His stress would only be because he cares about you, and wants to ensure you're safe.
It's healthy to communicate the problems you have to the people who are willing to listen to you, especially if it's your SO.
I'll support whatever choice you make, but just try to think about it as rationally as you can.