Venting I could have ctbed today

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

I had enough time to fast and take the SN. And I didn't. I'll regret this for the rest of my fucking life

 

[lymestolemylife]

I had enough time to fast and take the SN. And I didn't. I'll regret this for the rest of my fucking life

Same here, last week my husband was gone and I had everything ready had taken a state dose of Meto, and I just couldn't fucking do it. The problem is I love my husband so much, he's keeping me here, I don't want to be here because my illness tortures me and i'm miserable but I just can't leave him, I know its going to get worse so when am I going to get up the nerve to do it? ugh.

 

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

I was alone enough time to do it. I'll fucking regret it . Can't believe it. I will still suffer

 

[MysticPerception]

There will always be more chances. I know you've mentioned you're obsessed with SN in a previous thread but really if you didn't do it that means there's probably a good reason. Don't beat yourself up over it or drown yourself in regret. If you seriously want to take it, then just focus on planning for when you do get another chance.

 

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

Thanks a lot for all the answers

 

[TowerUpright]

Sorry for your pain (physical and emotional). It sounds to me like you are unsure, which is completely understandable.

If you really feel ready, will there be another time??

Whatever the case, don't be hard on yourself.. CTB is tough with SI kicking in. Many of us have been there and can sympathize. We're here to listen.

 

[Moonicide]

Hey, love. I'm sorry you're still in pain and suffering so much... I can relate quite a bit. I was supposed to ctb before Christmas, but couldn't due to the holidays and people including me in them. Then I was supposed to ctb before 2020, which was the biggest blow for me. I just wasn't ready... It didn't feel right. I was so angry and disappointed in myself... But like many have said here, there will be many other opportunities to find the peace you seek. It will always be there for you and it will wait patiently. It's okay to not be ready to take that final step. You're not a failure for it. Please be kind and patient with yourself, love. Ctb is not an easy thing to do, it takes a lot of courage and strength. It is one of the most powerful things you can do as you are taking your fate into your own hands. Until then, we are here to support you. You're not alone in this.

Sending you all of my love.

 

[S1mpleme]

I had enough time to fast and take the SN. And I didn't. I'll regret this for the rest of my fucking life

Do you plan to try again?

 

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

Do you plan to try again?

Of course!

 

[S1mpleme]

Of course!

What stopped you this time?

 

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

What stopped you this time?

That time? I wasn't prepared.

 

[Quarky00]

As other eloquently said, don't be so hard on yourself

I'll regret this for the rest of my fucking life

That may be shorter than you think, why bother on this "missed opportunity" ;)

(take your time and make your time as comfortable as possible)

 

[ctbUniquectb]

don't be so hard on yourself

I refuse to jump when people are around, and have missed the bus more than once because people were at "my" bridge at weird times. It's heartbreaking, but there's always next time