N
noname223
Archangel
- Aug 18, 2020
- 5,109
I always get these love delusions. I always think the other person would be interested in me. Even in the first interaction. I am so fucking sick of it. And I cannot change it. Today I was at my self-help group and there are interesting and attractive women. But I am so sick of it. I might stop to interact with women in real life as a consequence. Everything about it is pathetic. Talking with them makes me think they like me. Not talking with them is pathetic because the circumstances for not talking with them are pathetic. Moreover, it could perceived as impolite. Today I was really quite I just hate fucking everything. I also talked about self-loathing in this group. But this only increased my self-hatred.
At the same time I am disillusioned about relationships and dating and how it works. I had two dates with a woman from a dating app. She is so fucking emotionally distant. I crave for intimacy and would tolerate a lot. But she treats me like shit. And I am not sure how long I should tolerate it. Her communication is a catastrophe. I told her it is important for me that we text to each other. And all I get is one fucking whatsapp message per day. I put so much effort in finding good topics to talk about, I try to be funny. And all I get in exchange is very mediocre. She said she likes our conversations. However, she barely contributes anything to them. I texted her a pretty long messages with many emojis etc. And she gives me a standard text that is very short and no actual effort was put into it. In barely any of her messages there is effort put in. She also never picks up the topics I talk about. My friend called it a monologue.
I showed a close friend of mine some messages because I was scared I could become paranoid. He called me insane for continuing to text with her. He thinks she treats me like dirt. Her messages are so superficial. One time I alluded to her that the frequency we text each other it not good for me. She changed at least a little bit.
I am not sure when to draw the line. I am craving so deeply for a relationship. I am looking for other people in dating apps. Her message of today was a joke. Maybe she was not content with my message either.
I tend to give up dating in real life. I always become paranoid and I feel humiliated. Not sure what to do with the woman I text to. I am actively looking for someone else on dating apps. Sometimes I imagine a future with her. But not today. Online dating is so depressing. In general this topic is hellish for my mental health. I am such a romantic person and dating is so fucking transactional.
At the same time I am disillusioned about relationships and dating and how it works. I had two dates with a woman from a dating app. She is so fucking emotionally distant. I crave for intimacy and would tolerate a lot. But she treats me like shit. And I am not sure how long I should tolerate it. Her communication is a catastrophe. I told her it is important for me that we text to each other. And all I get is one fucking whatsapp message per day. I put so much effort in finding good topics to talk about, I try to be funny. And all I get in exchange is very mediocre. She said she likes our conversations. However, she barely contributes anything to them. I texted her a pretty long messages with many emojis etc. And she gives me a standard text that is very short and no actual effort was put into it. In barely any of her messages there is effort put in. She also never picks up the topics I talk about. My friend called it a monologue.
I showed a close friend of mine some messages because I was scared I could become paranoid. He called me insane for continuing to text with her. He thinks she treats me like dirt. Her messages are so superficial. One time I alluded to her that the frequency we text each other it not good for me. She changed at least a little bit.
I am not sure when to draw the line. I am craving so deeply for a relationship. I am looking for other people in dating apps. Her message of today was a joke. Maybe she was not content with my message either.
I tend to give up dating in real life. I always become paranoid and I feel humiliated. Not sure what to do with the woman I text to. I am actively looking for someone else on dating apps. Sometimes I imagine a future with her. But not today. Online dating is so depressing. In general this topic is hellish for my mental health. I am such a romantic person and dating is so fucking transactional.
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