I consider to give up wanting to find a gf in real life (however the alternatives suck too)

[noname223]

I always get these love delusions. I always think the other person would be interested in me. Even in the first interaction. I am so fucking sick of it. And I cannot change it. Today I was at my self-help group and there are interesting and attractive women. But I am so sick of it. I might stop to interact with women in real life as a consequence. Everything about it is pathetic. Talking with them makes me think they like me. Not talking with them is pathetic because the circumstances for not talking with them are pathetic. Moreover, it could perceived as impolite. Today I was really quite I just hate fucking everything. I also talked about self-loathing in this group. But this only increased my self-hatred.

At the same time I am disillusioned about relationships and dating and how it works. I had two dates with a woman from a dating app. She is so fucking emotionally distant. I crave for intimacy and would tolerate a lot. But she treats me like shit. And I am not sure how long I should tolerate it. Her communication is a catastrophe. I told her it is important for me that we text to each other. And all I get is one fucking whatsapp message per day. I put so much effort in finding good topics to talk about, I try to be funny. And all I get in exchange is very mediocre. She said she likes our conversations. However, she barely contributes anything to them. I texted her a pretty long messages with many emojis etc. And she gives me a standard text that is very short and no actual effort was put into it. In barely any of her messages there is effort put in. She also never picks up the topics I talk about. My friend called it a monologue.

I showed a close friend of mine some messages because I was scared I could become paranoid. He called me insane for continuing to text with her. He thinks she treats me like dirt. Her messages are so superficial. One time I alluded to her that the frequency we text each other it not good for me. She changed at least a little bit.
I am not sure when to draw the line. I am craving so deeply for a relationship. I am looking for other people in dating apps. Her message of today was a joke. Maybe she was not content with my message either.

I tend to give up dating in real life. I always become paranoid and I feel humiliated. Not sure what to do with the woman I text to. I am actively looking for someone else on dating apps. Sometimes I imagine a future with her. But not today. Online dating is so depressing. In general this topic is hellish for my mental health. I am such a romantic person and dating is so fucking transactional.

 

[derpyderpins]

Well, that woman you're texting definitely doesn't seem right for you. You're looking for a bigger commitment. I would just tell her that and move on to the next if she isn't willing to match your level of interest.

I get that you get along well with the women at your self-help group, but I still think they probably have a blockage in their mind against meeting a boyfriend there. Have you considered trying to join any other group activities, like some type of hobby? You seem to have some success in-person, and as you've found out dating apps are cancer.

 

[noname223]

Well, that woman you're texting definitely doesn't seem right for you. You're looking for a bigger commitment. I would just tell her that and move on to the next if she isn't willing to match your level of interest.

I get that you get along well with the women at your self-help group, but I still think they probably have a blockage in their mind against meeting a boyfriend there. Have you considered trying to join any other group activities, like some type of hobby? You seem to have some success in-person, and as you've found out dating apps are cancer.

I think in real life I become paranoid. I have to cling to online dating seemingly. I think if I lived in area with more people my chances would be better.
The situation is pretty hopeless. The topic is so depressing. I will think about it what to do. I will try to find some sleep.
My dad wants me to go to a different group activity maybe I should resort to that. Idk I feel just depressed right now and think more about suicide. But also for different reasons. College is a hell for me.

But thanks for your contribution. Your contribution had way more bigger effort put in than her messages.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

You make a lot more progress than me if that makes any difference. Whenever I open a dating app these days I get too scared to even swipe left or right and I give up and close it.

 

[derpyderpins]

I think in real life I become paranoid. I have to cling to online dating seemingly. I think if I lived in area with more people my chances would be better.
The situation is pretty hopeless. The topic is so depressing. I will think about it what to do. I will try to find some sleep.
My dad wants me to go to a different group activity maybe I should resort to that. Idk I feel just depressed right now and think more about suicide. But also for different reasons. College is a hell for me.

I feel you. The area definitely matters. I was single living near a military base once. . . absolute hell. When I tell the story of getting crazy limerant over a girl who was absolutely no good for me, that was the situation . . . pickings were slim.

I also get the hesitance about joining a group activity when the focus is trying to meet someone. It seems weird, right?

But thanks for your contribution. Your contribution had way more bigger effort put in than her messages.

top kek that made me laugh.

 

[noname223]

You make a lot more progress than me if that makes any difference. Whenever I open a dating app these days I get too scared to even swipe left or right and I give up and close it.

I also tried to take your advice serious that even having a date is a privilege nowadays. And it helped. But I don't know if I should still cling to her. I don't know when to draw the line.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I also tried to take your advice serious that even having a date is a privilege nowadays. And it helped. But I don't know if I should still cling to her. I don't know when to draw the line.

I'd say give her one more irl date at least if you're willing. You can try to let her down gently but from the sound of it she may not care if you let her go anyway and it's better for both of you not to drag it out. No one would reasonably say you didn't try your best if you've given at least three tries. If you really do find that she's very superficial to talk to then it makes sense to cut her off even if you don't decide to do that though.

 

[qw3rty259]

try to date dudes man

 

[innominesatanas44]

try to date dudes man

Why don't you take your own advice

 

[qw3rty259]

Why don't you take your own advice

And who says I don't take my own advice

 

[innominesatanas44]

OP, No reason to contemplate suicide over dating issues, which is a difficult thing for everyone. It means you are too over focused on it. Just sit outside and eat an apple for a while and forget about it.

And who says I don't take my own advice

If he isn't big, sweaty and hairy, then it doesn't count.

 

[qw3rty259]

If he isn't big, sweaty and hairy, then it doesn't count.

Nah, nice try, but don't even hope that I approach you ever

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

I think for people with no or little romantic experience, the emphasis should be on looseness and good times rather than one specific person. Ideally you should put yourself in positions of fun and transient interactions over an extended period of time, and not be hung up on one particular person or outcome.

The thing is, you can't force a person to communicate more. And really, if she's making things difficult for you, that tells you everything you need to know.

There's nothing wrong with you though, and no need to give up on anything per se. It's just a case of adjusting the framework you operate in.

 

[innominesatanas44]

Nah, nice try, but don't even hope that I approach you ever

Girl as if I hoped that, bye girl.

 

[qw3rty259]

Girl as if I hoped that, bye girl.

oh yeah? why would you list your traits as the only ones that count then?? it's ok buddy, just not my type sry

 

[innominesatanas44]

oh yeah? why would you list your traits as the only ones that count then?? it's ok buddy, just not my type sry

So you saw the description of peak masculinity and your first thought was me?

 

[qw3rty259]

So you saw the description of peak masculinity and your first thought was me?

Are you dumb?? You tried to reduce my range of dating options to only that type of guys, if that wasn't a flirt then ok, in this case you are indeed just dumb

(you're also sexist )

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Uhhhhhh I kind of don't find the suggestion to just become gay to be very helpful. I can't speak for OP but personally I'm unfortunately not bisexual so there's no room for me to suddenly switch on an attraction to men because it simply doesn't exist for me. I feel like this would be like asking a gay person to just be straight if they're struggling because of it like if they lived in an intolerant community for example.

 

[noname223]

Uhhhhhh I kind of don't find the suggestion to just become gay to be very helpful. I can't speak for OP but personally I'm unfortunately not bisexual so there's no room for me to suddenly switch on an attraction to men because it simply doesn't exist for me. I feel like this would be like asking a gay person to just be straight if they're struggling because of it like if they lived in an intolerant community for example.

The thing is for me this would be even very counterproductive. These love delusions ruin my interactions with most women. If I was bi sexual it would ruin my interactions with men too. Lol.

 

[qw3rty259]

I crave for intimacy and would tolerate a lot. But she treats me like shit. And I am not sure how long I should tolerate it. Her communication is a catastrophe.

I think it's the main problem and you're aware of it. Just don't act like this... I understand your desire for intimacy, but you're basically begging her for attention. I think it's just entertaining for her and nothing more. Don't humiliate yourself like that, don't try to change the person. If she doesn't get it, then just move on or you'll just waste your time and energy. I would say, just don't force it too much, maybe make your main goal to spend quality time with a person, and if everything goes well and you see the chance to get more intimate, just seize it. Usually, those things come naturally, you just have to act at the right times

 

[noname223]

I think it's the main problem and you're aware of it. Just don't act like this... I understand your desire for intimacy, but you're basically begging her for attention. I think it's just entertaining for her and nothing more. Don't humiliate yourself like that, don't try to change the person. If she doesn't get it, then just move on or you'll just waste your time and energy. I would say, just don't force it too much, maybe make your main goal to spend quality time with a person, and if everything goes well and you see the chance to get more intimate, just seize it. Usually, those things come naturally, you just have to act at the right times

Tbh exchanging a few messages per day does not seem like begging for attention. It is basic communication for most people I know of people who want to learn more about each other. We text since 3 months and had two dates. And asking her whether the divorce of her parents affected her badly was too personal for her. My parents divorced too hence the question.

I barely know anyone who uses messengers like her. She does not use it like most other people. It rather gives me the vibes we were like pen pals. And my friend who looked at our messengers agreed on that.

I don't think I am the problem in this equation. But yeah maybe it is better to stop the contact with her. However, the second date was quite good and the first one was also good. Once I stopped texting with her because I thought she would not like the conversation because she barely contributes anything. One week after I stopped texting she told me this was really unfriendly and that she really liked our conversation. And that it was rude not to text her anymore. She is quite a riddle I suspect she has autism.

 

[qw3rty259]

One week after I stopped texting she told me this was really unfriendly and that she really liked our conversation. And that it was rude not to text her anymore. She is quite a riddle I suspect she has autism.

lmao, ok I'm out... Maybe she is autistic OR she just likes attention and being entertained. I'm not the one to judge, but the fact she remembered you only after a week of silence isn't a really good sing if you're hoping for some intimacy with her. I'd agree with your friends that it looks kinda one sided

 

[innominesatanas44]

Are you dumb?? You tried to reduce my range of dating options to only that type of guys, if that wasn't a flirt then ok, in this case you are indeed just dumb

(you're also sexist )

HAHA. I am a sexist guy gay cruising on a suicide site. Thank you, that made my morning. You know its not serious right?

 

[qw3rty259]

I am a sexist guy gay cruising on a suicide site.

Exactly

 

[innominesatanas44]

Exactly

I need those words edited onto a plaque