Venting i choose exit rather than purposeless living

[Shiva_Story]

I'm a man hit by loneliness epidemic and social anxiety, which has isolated me to the extent of losing my ability to connect with others. Despite a decade of soul-searching and spiritual practice, I struggle to find or create a purpose for my life. I believe people, including myself, are fundamentally selfish, lost seeking validation in a dopamine-fueled feedback loop cycle.
I think society is fundamentally a big fraud and on brink of collapse. We have so many wrong things going for us in our narrative that its hard to hope for improvement.
While I yearn to contribute to societal evolution, I fuse being exploited by faceless+souless corporations, governments or agorithms.
I will not engage in that story.

I've decided to end my life within a year, choosing nitrogen scuba as my method. My departure will affect my mother the most, but I cannot prolong my life solely for her. I've lived as an NPC mostly and my absence will go largely unnoticed. Death seems a welcome relief.

Debt-free, with no commitments or desire to continue, I'm yet to sell/dispose most of my accumulated possessions.
I'll leave behind a note, a summer house, funds for my funeral and a bit of money.

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand why you'd feel so relieved at the thought of being permanently free from this dreadful existence, I wish you the best of luck with your plans.

 

[WAITING TO DIE]

I'm a man hit by loneliness epidemic and social anxiety, which has isolated me to the extent of losing my ability to connect with others. Despite a decade of soul-searching and spiritual practice, I struggle to find or create a purpose for my life. I believe people, including myself, are fundamentally selfish, lost seeking validation in a dopamine-fueled feedback loop cycle.
I think society is fundamentally a big fraud and on brink of collapse. We have so many wrong things going for us in our narrative that its hard to hope for improvement.
While I yearn to contribute to societal evolution, I fuse being exploited by faceless+souless corporations, governments or agorithms.
I will not engage in that story.

I've decided to end my life within a year, choosing nitrogen scuba as my method. My departure will affect my mother the most, but I cannot prolong my life solely for her. I've lived as an NPC mostly and my absence will go largely unnoticed. Death seems a welcome relief.

Debt-free, with no commitments or desire to continue, I'm yet to sell/dispose most of my accumulated possessions.
I'll leave behind a note, a summer house, funds for my funeral and a bit of money.

I'm in a similar position.
My social skills are poor due to mental illness.
No friends, no partner, no real family connection.
I've tried a multitude of spiritual practices and truth seeking, yet found no answers worthy of attention.
I view this world as a predatory system run by evil people.
I also view humans in general to be a failed species due to many things such as stupidity, selfishness and greed.
I got rid of the vast majority of my possessions a while ago and live a very minimalist lifestyle because I know beyond doubt I am soon to put myself out of my misery once and for all.
Everything is pointless and meaningless , and nothing really matters.
We are like rats in a maze, seeking that ever elusive thing called happiness, yet rarely ever find it at all.