100memoryleaks
forever sorry
- Jul 6, 2026
- 160
in just a month I went from a hopeful, uni graduate to the absolute worst I've ever been in my whole life. what am I fucking doing, literally only drugs are saving me from feeling unbearable pain and dread for being alive, alcohol barely helps, dxm felt awesome until I realized i couldn't fucking sleep until fucking noon because I kept hallucinating entire chess games (yes that sounds hilarious in retrospect but it was annoying and now I don't even want to play chess for real anymore even though it was like my only pastime) and even then I slept like 4 hours. i dread having to go to work even though I'm only scheduled twice a week. I'm terrified of being discovered with the SN but holy fuck i just wish I was dead already. i hate everything I fucking hate life. i was never meant to have that calm stable life I desperately wanted to have with my FP, i always knew that he's so much happier without me
