Venting I can't take it anymore

[numbspirit]

I don't know what to do anymore. My life is a shambles. I have countless physical problems. I'm also unable to work because of my depression. My therapist recently said that it is theoretically conceivable that I will have to retire if things continue like this, because I could remain unable to work for the rest of my life due to my mental condition. And that's even though I'm not even 30 yet.
I now just lie in bed for days on end, rarely pick up my phone and just wait out the day until I fall asleep. I'm neglecting myself more and more.

A few days ago, I was so close to hanging myself up. A friend stopped me. But since then I've been wishing I had. And now I have a strong urge to kill myself all the time and it's getting harder and harder to resist. I don't want to kill myself on impulse. Maybe I should go back to the clinic, but they will only try to brainwash me into being pro-life again. I have a plan for my suicide and I want to carry it out. But it's months in the future and I don't know how much longer I can take it.
I don't know what to do. I just can't take this anymore.

Maybe tomorrow I'll come to a clear thought and can try to make a plan to keep resisting it until the time comes. For now I'm going to sleep. Felt good to finally talk about this. Maybe I should vent more often.
Thanks for reading, have a great day.

 

[divinemistress87]

In my 30s and lay in bed for days and can't work too I feel this

 

[FuneralCry]

It must be dreadful and tiring what you are going through, I understand why you'd just wish to be free from all the suffering. But anyway best wishes.

 

[numbspirit]

In my 30s and lay in bed for days and can't work too I feel this

I'm very sorry. I hope things will get better for you or that you will find your way.

It must be dreadful and tiring what you are going through, I understand why you'd just wish to be free from all the suffering. But anyway best wishes.

Thank you very much.

 

[Tired_of_myself]

I'm so sorry for what you're going through. I hope you find your peace.

Depression is something that takes pieces of you every day. some small and some big, every fucking day. and only you feel it.

I just got out of therapy and the therapist asked me: do you still have ideation? I said -no. 'Cause I'm tired of treatment spaces, of therapies that don't bring me a solution. I want to think about all the options before CTB, like disappearing, moving, that sort of thing. but how to have strength being this sad?

 

[numbspirit]

I'm so sorry for what you're going through. I hope you find your peace.

Depression is something that takes pieces of you every day. some small and some big, every fucking day. and only you feel it.

I just got out of therapy and the therapist asked me: do you still have ideation? I said -no. 'Cause I'm tired of treatment spaces, of therapies that don't bring me a solution. I want to think about all the options before CTB, like disappearing, moving, that sort of thing. but how to have strength being this sad?

I'm very sorry that you have to go through this too.
I absolutely agree with you, ctb should always be the last option. Only if your life is irreparably broken, well...
I really hope that you find a way out of your suffering. Be it through change, recovery or, well, ctb.

 

[cosmic_traveler]

I don't know what to do anymore. My life is a shambles. I have countless physical problems. I'm also unable to work because of my depression. My therapist recently said that it is theoretically conceivable that I will have to retire if things continue like this, because I could remain unable to work for the rest of my life due to my mental condition. And that's even though I'm not even 30 yet.
I now just lie in bed for days on end, rarely pick up my phone and just wait out the day until I fall asleep. I'm neglecting myself more and more.

A few days ago, I was so close to hanging myself up. A friend stopped me. But since then I've been wishing I had. And now I have a strong urge to kill myself all the time and it's getting harder and harder to resist. I don't want to kill myself on impulse. Maybe I should go back to the clinic, but they will only try to brainwash me into being pro-life again. I have a plan for my suicide and I want to carry it out. But it's months in the future and I don't know how much longer I can take it.
I don't know what to do. I just can't take this anymore.

Maybe tomorrow I'll come to a clear thought and can try to make a plan to keep resisting it until the time comes. For now I'm going to sleep. Felt good to finally talk about this. Maybe I should vent more often.
Thanks for reading, have a great day.

Suffering from mental health problems is the worst type of hell. You know you're unwell so you seek help only to find that they don't understand. If you go back to the clinic we hope you connect with someone who listens. If not, we're all here for you so the void doesn't feel as empty.

We wish you peace. Big hugs. Be well on your journey.

 

[numbspirit]

Suffering from mental health problems is the worst type of hell. You know you're unwell so you seek help only to find that they don't understand. If you go back to the clinic we hope you connect with someone who listens. If not, we're all here for you so the void doesn't feel as empty.

We wish you peace. Big hugs. Be well on your journey.

Thank you so much. This means very much to me.