I can't stop fking crying

[Nikki2020]

my heart. oh my heart it hurts so bad. Today I use to take my kids out for Halloween. I haven't seen them since spring. I cantstop crying. pls make it stop. my whole life is fking ruined and I was suppose to be gone by now but im too much of a fking chicken of a failure to do anything right. I have my sn and SHOULD be gone by now. but im so STUPID and can't bring myself to do it. but I want to so badly. fuck fuck I regret not doing it sooner. I can't go on all day with this brain and crying in agony but I can't ctb until im alone or the person im staying with is sleeping. so now i fking have to suffer with these memorieson top of these fucking mental illnesses.. pls something kill me.

I'm sorry for going on but I have nobody to talk to and I feel so fking alone. I just want to die already. im such an embaressment.
why does it have to hurt so badly?
why does it have to hurt so badly?

 

[makethepainstop]

my heart. oh my heart it hurts so bad. Today I use to take my kids out for Halloween. I haven't seen them since spring. I cantstop crying. pls make it stop. my whole life is fking ruined and I was suppose to be gone by now but im too much of a fking chicken of a failure to do anything right. I have my sn and SHOULD be gone by now. but im so STUPID and can't bring myself to do it. but I want to so badly. fuck fuck I regret not doing it sooner. I can't go on all day with this brain and crying in agony but I can't ctb until im alone or the person im staying with is sleeping. so now i fking have to suffer with these memorieson top of these fucking mental illnesses.. pls something kill me.

I'm sorry for going on but I have nobody to talk to and I feel so fking alone. I just want to die already. im such an embaressment.

Come on in then, you have arrived in the right place. We are anything but judgemental. Please to tell us about your circumstances, you needn't feel any shame or worry about telling your story. We are here for ourselves and each other. Much love and a solid 3 minute hug for you. The Catholic faith says confession is good for the soul, so pray confess all. Most if us here feel at least a little bit better when we can talk to each other. Again love to you.

 

[Nikki2020]

Come on in then, you have arrived in the right place. We are anything but judgemental. Please to tell us about your circumstances, you needn't feel any shame or worry about telling your story. We are here for ourselves and each other. Much love and a solid 3 minute hug for you. The Catholic faith says confession is good for the soul, so pray confess all. Most if us here feel at least a little bit better when we can talk to each other. Again love to you.

thank you. you're making me cry this is all too much. why can't I just take the sn? lts so fking hard. i shake i have bad anxiety over every stupid thing. I just want peace. I can't take this all anymore. ppl who do it are so brave.
I WISH THE PAIN WOULD END PLS MAKE IT STOP.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

SI is very difficult to overcome. You aren't stupid or weak because of it. Tell us, what's bringing on these tears? Why haven't you been able to see your kids?

 

[FuneralCry]

Even know we wish to die and even if someone has a method by their side suicide can still be very difficult. It must be awful what you are going through and I get that it can be so dreadful having to endure a life that is just constant suffering. Your feelings of wishing to be free are understandable, as it can certainly be tiring having to endure this existence. I hope that you find what you are looking for.

 

[Nikki2020]

SI is very difficult to overcome. You aren't stupid or weak because of it. Tell us, what's bringing on these tears? Why haven't you been able to see your kids?

its a long story. basically all my fault. my mental illness ruined my entire life. i just want to take this sn and be done with it i hope i find the strength tonight and don't chicken out.

Even know we wish to die and even if someone has a method by their side suicide can still be very difficult. It must be awful what you are going through and I get that it can be so dreadful having to endure a life that is just constant suffering. Your feelings of wishing to be free are understandable, as it can certainly be tiring having to endure this existence. I hope that you find what you are looking for.

im jealous of those who can ctb. this is so hard.

 

[Pluto]

I can only imagine what a loss like this would feel like. Sounds like you're not being given any support at all with your mental health. Sending hugs!

 

[actual_fox]

Crying is healing

 

[Hollowillow]

my heart. oh my heart it hurts so bad. Today I use to take my kids out for Halloween. I haven't seen them since spring. I cantstop crying. pls make it stop. my whole life is fking ruined and I was suppose to be gone by now but im too much of a fking chicken of a failure to do anything right. I have my sn and SHOULD be gone by now. but im so STUPID and can't bring myself to do it. but I want to so badly. fuck fuck I regret not doing it sooner. I can't go on all day with this brain and crying in agony but I can't ctb until im alone or the person im staying with is sleeping. so now i fking have to suffer with these memorieson top of these fucking mental illnesses.. pls something kill me.

I'm sorry for going on but I have nobody to talk to and I feel so fking alone. I just want to die already. im such an embaressment.
why does it have to hurt so badly?
why does it have to hurt so badly?

CAn you talk to person you staying with?

Can't call kids?

So sorry. I'm also poop

*Hugging poops*

its a long story. basically all my fault. my mental illness ruined my entire life. i just want to take this sn and be done with it i hope i find the strength tonight and don't chicken out.

im jealous of those who can ctb. this is so hard.

People deny me physical care. They say im crazy. Friends all abandon me. Parents too. Rough. Kids... So sorry.

 

[pauly1963]

my heart. oh my heart it hurts so bad. Today I use to take my kids out for Halloween. I haven't seen them since spring. I cantstop crying. pls make it stop. my whole life is fking ruined and I was suppose to be gone by now but im too much of a fking chicken of a failure to do anything right. I have my sn and SHOULD be gone by now. but im so STUPID and can't bring myself to do it. but I want to so badly. fuck fuck I regret not doing it sooner. I can't go on all day with this brain and crying in agony but I can't ctb until im alone or the person im staying with is sleeping. so now i fking have to suffer with these memorieson top of these fucking mental illnesses.. pls something kill me.

I'm sorry for going on but I have nobody to talk to and I feel so fking alone. I just want to die already. im such an embaressment.
why does it have to hurt so badly?
why does it have to hurt so badly?

This is heartbreaking. I'm so sorry you are having to endure such emotional pain. Please don't feel alone: there are plenty of genuinely nice people on this forum who care about you.

 

[makethepainstop]

thank you. you're making me cry this is all too much. why can't I just take the sn? lts so fking hard. i shake i have bad anxiety over every stupid thing. I just want peace. I can't take this all anymore. ppl who do it are so brave.
I WISH THE PAIN WOULD END PLS MAKE IT STOP.

No I don't want to make anyone cry or feel hurt. I just want you to know that there are other people who will listen and do care.

 

[sevenkarmas]

my heart. oh my heart it hurts so bad. Today I use to take my kids out for Halloween. I haven't seen them since spring. I cantstop crying. pls make it stop. my whole life is fking ruined and I was suppose to be gone by now but im too much of a fking chicken of a failure to do anything right. I have my sn and SHOULD be gone by now. but im so STUPID and can't bring myself to do it. but I want to so badly. fuck fuck I regret not doing it sooner. I can't go on all day with this brain and crying in agony but I can't ctb until im alone or the person im staying with is sleeping. so now i fking have to suffer with these memorieson top of these fucking mental illnesses.. pls something kill me.

I'm sorry for going on but I have nobody to talk to and I feel so fking alone. I just want to die already. im such an embaressment.
why does it have to hurt so badly?
why does it have to hurt so badly?

I'm in a similar situation. Wife of over 25 years suddenly left with no warning. Took the kids. She's gatekeeping their communications so I can't talk to them either by phone/text/email. My son was my buddy. I miss him so much. My plan is to fly to where they live now on Thanksgiving and watch for him to go to work on Friday. After I see him, I hope to return and CTB. Wife has been extremely cruel. She wants me to CTB because she thinks there will be a financial payout. However, I canceled the policy so she will have nothing.