Insomniac
𝔄 𝔲 𝔱 𝔦 𝔰 𝔪
- May 21, 2021
- 1,357
Ok but What the actual fuck?
I'm 24 yo being humiliated by my family and especially by my 14yo sister and my mother. My parents have given up on me and are spoiling my little sister and now she has more authority than me and is continuously disrespecting me.
however, everytime I try to commit suicide, I'm actually haunted by the thought of my little sister? I'm haunted by the idea of her learning about my death, even thought she doesn't even bother to greet me when she sees me or even answer my greeting when I see her? she used to be nice to me but ever since she is seen me fall apart completely due to depression and anxiety, she's lost all respect for me and blatantly disrespect me.
however, I simply cannot shake the feeling of leaving her alone. My father is a severe alcoholic and my mother is a narcissistic bitch. They are only using my little sister and using me as a scapegoat now. But if I die, they'll definitely take their frustration on my little sister and she'll become depressed just like me. Right now, she might think that they love her because they are favoring her and spoiling her, but there is no way seeing my parents mistreat me because of my mental illness won't have an effect on her. She'll probably develop a deep fear of disappointing my parents and end up being treated like me.
I also feel like even though she is so disrespectful towards me, she is relying greatly on me for protection from my parents. Because everytime I seriously consider suicide, I can sense my sister's rage. I feel like she'll feel intense rage and a sense of immense betrayal from me if I take my life.
I just don't know what to do. I really don't know what to do. I just can't go on living, even for her sake. I can't do this anymore.
I'm 24 yo being humiliated by my family and especially by my 14yo sister and my mother. My parents have given up on me and are spoiling my little sister and now she has more authority than me and is continuously disrespecting me.
however, everytime I try to commit suicide, I'm actually haunted by the thought of my little sister? I'm haunted by the idea of her learning about my death, even thought she doesn't even bother to greet me when she sees me or even answer my greeting when I see her? she used to be nice to me but ever since she is seen me fall apart completely due to depression and anxiety, she's lost all respect for me and blatantly disrespect me.
however, I simply cannot shake the feeling of leaving her alone. My father is a severe alcoholic and my mother is a narcissistic bitch. They are only using my little sister and using me as a scapegoat now. But if I die, they'll definitely take their frustration on my little sister and she'll become depressed just like me. Right now, she might think that they love her because they are favoring her and spoiling her, but there is no way seeing my parents mistreat me because of my mental illness won't have an effect on her. She'll probably develop a deep fear of disappointing my parents and end up being treated like me.
I also feel like even though she is so disrespectful towards me, she is relying greatly on me for protection from my parents. Because everytime I seriously consider suicide, I can sense my sister's rage. I feel like she'll feel intense rage and a sense of immense betrayal from me if I take my life.
I just don't know what to do. I really don't know what to do. I just can't go on living, even for her sake. I can't do this anymore.
