Venting I can't keep trying

[puella]

I was planning to spend the next several years trying to get better. Only letting myself CTB when I was 100% sure I had done everything I could. But isn't that just survival instinct?

I got myself stuck in a situation where I'm completely helpless. My body wants to struggle, cry, and scream for help until the very end. It's only natural.

I just need to give myself that end. The struggling has made the pain worse, crying has gotten exhausting, and nothing can help me.

I've got SN in my hometown. I visit family there for Christmas. In the next two months, I will be gathering needed supplementary drugs, writing CTB notes, and getting my mind ready to experience peace.

I will see some of the people I love most during Christmas, and then CTB before my flight back here.

 

[accountnamerequired]

Who's gonna tell me to do my laundry?

 

[puella]

Who's gonna tell me to do my laundry?

I'm sorry...

 

[DearAgony]

I know that feeling all too well. I'm sorry to hear that you've given up, but I perfectly understand it. I hope it goes smoothly for you when that day comes.

 

[suicidestyle]

i hope it goes well, dont do it until your mind is content with peace, i hope your departure will leave you with only joy, my friend.

 

[FuneralCry]

I wish you the best of luck with your plans, I hope you find freedom from your suffering.