Venting I can’t get suicide out of my head

[frogboi]

Every time I close my eyes I see a vision of me shooting myself in the head. Sometimes in slow motion and sometimes just the blast over and over again. It gets more and more refined and detailed as it goes on and it just keeps going. I can't get it out of my head it's like I need to think about it to relax or go to sleep. Even if i'm not doing bad it happens. I fear I've gotten too comfortable with mental illness and it's gonna be with me forever.

 

[cgrtt.brns]

i get very similar visions in my head too, i find them comforting somehow. i can see how having them every time you close your eyes can be alarming tho. is there a way you can distract yourself, like listening to music or a video to fall asleep to?

 

[leftdreaming]

When I close my eyes I see myself motionless in bed. Sleep is my only relief.

 

[frogboi]

i get very similar visions in my head too, i find them comforting somehow. i can see how having them every time you close your eyes can be alarming tho. is there a way you can distract yourself, like listening to music or a video to fall asleep to?

It's really hard for me to sleep without complete silence and darkness which makes it hard to distract myself from it. Sometimes playing rain noises helps.

 

[cgrtt.brns]

thats a difficult situation :( its definitely hard when your own mind prevents you from sleeping. i wish you the best and i hope you can at least get some sleep tonight.

 

[FuneralCry]

To me it's awful how it can even be very difficult to get some kind of break from this existence through sleeping, existing certainly is so torturous and tiring, it's such a hellish world where people suffer so endlessly. But anyway I wish you the best.

 

[Akanea]

Every time I close my eyes I see a vision of me shooting myself in the head. Sometimes in slow motion and sometimes just the blast over and over again. It gets more and more refined and detailed as it goes on and it just keeps going. I can't get it out of my head it's like I need to think about it to relax or go to sleep. Even if i'm not doing bad it happens. I fear I've gotten too comfortable with mental illness and it's gonna be with me forever.

Same but jumping or by a train, I guess it's difference in culture, I can't imagine dying with a gun for some reason...

 

[Ontwon]

It's a kind of escapism, torturous at times when it wont leave me tf alone but calming to daydream and imagine what freedom might be