this applies to my life in general, but i'll talk about a few instances online.
i've always been pretty introverted and lonely, and its been a struggle of mine my whole life. i had some friends when i was younger, but at around 16 an incident occurred which left me with chronic pain ever since, something which isolated me from the few friends i had and made my quality of life plummet. so, i found groups online of lonely people (mostly men) talking about their issues, but most couldnt relate to the chronic pain aspect which made me feel like i couldnt fully vibe with them since its such a huge component in my life. so then i find a forum for people with chronic pain, and im starting to feel like people can relate to me, but overtime i see more and more threads that make me feel excluded, such as ones about how chronic pain affects women more than men, how women are taken less seriously, etc etc, and they're getting far more traction than just about everything that i post. the demographic there feels like its about 80% women, which makes it harder to relate, but more importantly many of them are so fixated on pain being a "women's issue" that they fail to realize ways in which pain could affect a man more. in general, men are expected to be providers/caretakers in relationships, so that makes dating for men with chronic pain MUCH more difficult than it is for women, being one of the main reasons why i've been single all my life, but now i feel like i cant talk about that without being minimized. not to mention how society puts so much pressure on men and holds them to so many high standards i cant meet thanks to my broken physical/mental state, how easily we can be dismissed by being told to "man up"/"suck it up" etc. all true, but i no longer feel comfortable about expressing that there due to the demographic likely tearing me apart for it. i bet if i made a thread about how pain impacts certain aspects of men's lives more, it'd receive mostly negative attention. theres nothing wrong with women talking about their particular issues, but when it pollutes the entire forum and men are dismissed or attacked for pointing out that we have it really bad too in our own ways, then its a problem. if you're going to be a support group, be a support group for everyone, ffs. this group is supposed to be about PAIN, we're all in fucking PAIN, why cant you acknowledge that its had a massive effect an ALL of us instead of making it about identity politics??
didnt mean to ramble too much about that particular situation, but its just a general theme in my life. i never feel like i fit in or that people can understand what life is like for me, and any time i think i've found solace in a certain place, i feel rejected and left out eventually. its made it hard for me to connect with people, make friends, or even seek help because therapists dont know how to tackle all of my issues. its as if my body and mind are made of a different material than everyone else's. i like this place more than anywhere else at this point since its the least exclusionary and you dont get hiveminds since theres a good variety of people, but even here i feel like not many can relate to all of my issues. chronic pain which affects me in very specific and overwhelming ways (not to mention how the pain came about and the psychological ramifications of it), virgin at 22, no social circle, can barely drive, particular mental issues, the list goes on and on. its not your guys' fault though, im just uniquely fucked up. i feel like this is the last place i can really vent since i pushed everywhere, and everyone, else away. thx for listening.
i've always been pretty introverted and lonely, and its been a struggle of mine my whole life. i had some friends when i was younger, but at around 16 an incident occurred which left me with chronic pain ever since, something which isolated me from the few friends i had and made my quality of life plummet. so, i found groups online of lonely people (mostly men) talking about their issues, but most couldnt relate to the chronic pain aspect which made me feel like i couldnt fully vibe with them since its such a huge component in my life. so then i find a forum for people with chronic pain, and im starting to feel like people can relate to me, but overtime i see more and more threads that make me feel excluded, such as ones about how chronic pain affects women more than men, how women are taken less seriously, etc etc, and they're getting far more traction than just about everything that i post. the demographic there feels like its about 80% women, which makes it harder to relate, but more importantly many of them are so fixated on pain being a "women's issue" that they fail to realize ways in which pain could affect a man more. in general, men are expected to be providers/caretakers in relationships, so that makes dating for men with chronic pain MUCH more difficult than it is for women, being one of the main reasons why i've been single all my life, but now i feel like i cant talk about that without being minimized. not to mention how society puts so much pressure on men and holds them to so many high standards i cant meet thanks to my broken physical/mental state, how easily we can be dismissed by being told to "man up"/"suck it up" etc. all true, but i no longer feel comfortable about expressing that there due to the demographic likely tearing me apart for it. i bet if i made a thread about how pain impacts certain aspects of men's lives more, it'd receive mostly negative attention. theres nothing wrong with women talking about their particular issues, but when it pollutes the entire forum and men are dismissed or attacked for pointing out that we have it really bad too in our own ways, then its a problem. if you're going to be a support group, be a support group for everyone, ffs. this group is supposed to be about PAIN, we're all in fucking PAIN, why cant you acknowledge that its had a massive effect an ALL of us instead of making it about identity politics??
didnt mean to ramble too much about that particular situation, but its just a general theme in my life. i never feel like i fit in or that people can understand what life is like for me, and any time i think i've found solace in a certain place, i feel rejected and left out eventually. its made it hard for me to connect with people, make friends, or even seek help because therapists dont know how to tackle all of my issues. its as if my body and mind are made of a different material than everyone else's. i like this place more than anywhere else at this point since its the least exclusionary and you dont get hiveminds since theres a good variety of people, but even here i feel like not many can relate to all of my issues. chronic pain which affects me in very specific and overwhelming ways (not to mention how the pain came about and the psychological ramifications of it), virgin at 22, no social circle, can barely drive, particular mental issues, the list goes on and on. its not your guys' fault though, im just uniquely fucked up. i feel like this is the last place i can really vent since i pushed everywhere, and everyone, else away. thx for listening.
