true faith
Member
- Jun 30, 2019
- 21
I'm multiply-disabled and impoverished with no prospects, in a city with an infamously high cost of living. I never wanted to be alive in the first place, I've suffered my entire life--haven't we all?
Things like illness, abuse and social isolation run rampant. Maybe this isn't true everywhere, but where I'm living it would seem that society is set up so as to keep us from forming relationships that would make any kind of real difference in quality of life.
Every interaction is transactional (and riddled with fear) to the point of feeling inhumanly cold & removed. Even the rich, beautiful, popular and successful feel empty. For the rest of us, escapism becomes a vicious cycle: we become obsessed with the idea that if we could just have a different, more navigable set of problems we would be thriving. The truth is that no one thrives. The truth is that pain is a constant and relief is temporary.
I'm young but I've stacked up so many regrets at this point in my life that I can't imagine a future where I could face myself. I'm tired of all the hurting and being hurt. Aren't you?
Even in my fantasies I can't conceive of feeling better. I only escape to thoughts of suffering a torture so overwhelming I couldn't experience the pain that makes my daily life unbearable, followed by a peaceful death and then nothingness.
Things like illness, abuse and social isolation run rampant. Maybe this isn't true everywhere, but where I'm living it would seem that society is set up so as to keep us from forming relationships that would make any kind of real difference in quality of life.
Every interaction is transactional (and riddled with fear) to the point of feeling inhumanly cold & removed. Even the rich, beautiful, popular and successful feel empty. For the rest of us, escapism becomes a vicious cycle: we become obsessed with the idea that if we could just have a different, more navigable set of problems we would be thriving. The truth is that no one thrives. The truth is that pain is a constant and relief is temporary.
I'm young but I've stacked up so many regrets at this point in my life that I can't imagine a future where I could face myself. I'm tired of all the hurting and being hurt. Aren't you?
Even in my fantasies I can't conceive of feeling better. I only escape to thoughts of suffering a torture so overwhelming I couldn't experience the pain that makes my daily life unbearable, followed by a peaceful death and then nothingness.
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