Venting I can't do it

[Purefly]

This is a short one I'm just gonna ramble and hope it'll come together, I don't think I can do it. I said I'd ctb Halloween night and I'm still here, I said I'd do it two weeks later no matter what and yet I'm still here, flash forward my birthday was not too long ago (about a week) and I still could not bring myself to do it

I'm scared, not of what mystery afterlife there might be or screwing up the method but I'm just scared. It's a misery that I'm constantly reminded of and I just can't bring myself to do it. I need a catalyst, an event so horrid so anguishing that I have no choice but to die, I hope that there will be something that leaves me with that option but for now I'll continue to torture myself with this existence

 

[rigsid]

It's hard feeling trapped in your suffering. I hope whatever happens you find peace.

 

[OnMyLast Legs]

This is a short one I'm just gonna ramble and hope it'll come together, I don't think I can do it. I said I'd ctb Halloween night and I'm still here, I said I'd do it two weeks later no matter what and yet I'm still here, flash forward my birthday was not too long ago (about a week) and I still could not bring myself to do it

I'm scared, not of what mystery afterlife there might be or screwing up the method but I'm just scared. It's a misery that I'm constantly reminded of and I just can't bring myself to do it. I need a catalyst, an event so horrid so anguishing that I have no choice but to die, I hope that there will be something that leaves me with that option but for now I'll continue to torture myself with this existence

I know the feeling. I've been on the precipice for months, too scared of all my methods. My goal for today is to buy a gun. Even without pain it's hard to face down nonexistence. I'm comforted by the fact that I wouldn't even hear it. The last thing I'd experience would be pushing on the trigger.

 

[Afterglow]

it's much easier to load the gun than it is to pull the trigger.

what helps me, is that there's no set time limit.

everything we "set in stone" can be changed, or moved.

you're always welcome here to vent or rant when you need to

 

[lpdsvm]

There are not enough reasons to CTB then. I want to do it too, but at the same time, I don't want to, because I have a list of reasons and I like to follow things if I understand them and they make sense.
Self-destruction can help but I wouldn't do it myself. Maybe I am doing it. - A series of bad decisions usually leads to a disaster not one huge mistake.