Venting I can't do it anymore

[Toy]

I'm at a point with humanity and living where I'm not fighting myself trying to CTB anymore. On my most recent attempt, I noticed that I fought less with my instinct to try and stay alive, I might actually succeed soon. I got close to success this time. Humanity can't force me to stay alive when nobody would suspect a thing if i'm gone, them thinking that I don't come out of my room in general is exactly what I want them to think and just makes it easier for me. Also saves me from worrying about being saved. It brings me peace to know that it will all be over when I succeed. I'm giving up and wearing myself down until my instinct leaves me alone. I have multiple plans that are already prepared for, so I think i'm getting closer. SI feels like a final boss battle at this point.

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand why you would feel relieved at the thought of being free from everything, I wish you the best with your plans.