Venting I can’t do anything, not even CTB, and it’s making me lose my mind

[SomedayorNexttime]

I am slowly losing my mind because I have to stay another day here. I hate that I can't attempt and succeed. I want out desperately.

I wish I had money and was a successful person. I wish I was good looking and smart and had something to offer to the world, too. But I especially wish I had money so I could use it on a method.

Someone said my best chances were hanging but I don't have anything. I tried partial hanging with clothing but I just got a bad headache from it.

I don't know what to do anymore. I hate myself and every day I stay, I feel like I'm being tortured.

 

[Pale_Rider]

I have been here, and it is so tough. Wanting out with no escape route. Literally wanted to lie down, and die.

 

[unluckysadness]

same. and nobody can understand me. my SI is incredibly strong and i'll need a lot of courrage to ctb. just want to be in peace. i know i will suffer a lot more if i stay. surviving 40 more years with the same pain does not interest me (i struggle with a rare disease and with severe anxiety / phobias like many people here)

 

[J&L383]

Yes, because they getting anything done except just a few important things. So making plans and following through on CTB feels like an insurmountable task.