Venting I can't CTB anymore, not sure how to feel

[jeevasO-o]

I have an amazing boyfriend now, and I really do want a future with him. I really want to end it all, but at the same time I want a future with him. I also feel too bad to leave him behind like that. It's kinda nice that I for the first time see myself in a future, and have a dream. At the same time, I'm so sick of life. I wish I could die temporary...maybe be in a coma temporary, until I can finally live with my boyfriend and never see my parents ever again. (Yes, I'm still stuck with them and can't get a job or do anything. He told me he'll try helping when he has enough money for us to like live somewhere better)