Venting I can't comprehend how somebody feels alive enough to die

[Mio_Kamimachi]

I don't mean any of the following with disrespect in mind. I simply can't grasp and follow many posts on this forum and this is an actual question. Please don't insult me, the 1k already told me all i need to know.

I don't understand where you even get the energy from to bother with dying. How can you just put all that willpower and thought into killing yourself?

It is beyond me how. It is too annoying and useless to waste all that energy on it. I can't comprehend how somebody feels alive enough to die. What is the point of making it official? I feel like you can just cease to be exist without having to kill yourself. That just a me thing or something?

I want to understand how and why I should invest all that energy to make it official. I would just bother people with moving away the corpse anyway. I admire and envy people that figured this out while I can't even grasp the concept of it. Anybody willing to teach me?

 

[sanctionedusage]

waking up, going to work, buying food, cooking/eating, showering, going to sleep.. i think this is the bare minimum of most people's daily life, endless effort. unless you live with your parents and have everything taken care of, i dont see how you could "cease to exist" and not end up completely homeless or in a ward from being found immobile and catatonic. its not much effort to get a rope, watch a 2 minute video to tie a knot, and think of a place youd like to do it. you put in more energy in just one day of keeping yourself alive. even compared to learning how to construct an exit bag or finding DSL...

 

[Mio_Kamimachi]

waking up, going to work, buying food, cooking/eating, showering, going to sleep.. i think this is the bare minimum of most people's daily life, endless effort. unless you live with your parents and have everything taken care of, i dont see how you could "cease to exist" and not end up completely homeless or in a ward from being found immobile and catatonic. its not much effort to get a rope, watch a 2 minute video to tie a knot, and think of a place youd like to do it. you put in more energy in just one day of keeping yourself alive. even compared to learning how to construct an exit bag or finding DSL...

somehow i never looked at suicide through your lens. All it takes are 2 minutes, a quiet place and darkness. I need to direct a small part of my energy towards this goal. i can do this

 

[BillyBob]

somehow i never looked at suicide through your lens. All it takes are 2 minutes, a quiet place and darkness. I need to direct a small part of my energy towards this goal. i can do this

While it may sound easy to do and happen fast, you still have to over come the survival instinct that happens.
It is not simple to over come that for most people and I find people here are more rational about suicide then just doing it impulsively.
Along with that is coming to terms of how your family will react to your death if family means a lot to you as well.

 

[Mio_Kamimachi]

While it may sound easy to do and happen fast, you still have to over come the survival instinct that happens.
It is not simple to over come that for most people and I find people here are more rational about suicide then just doing it impulsively.
Along with that is coming to terms of how your family will react to your death if family means a lot to you as well.

I am doubtful getting choked by a rope till unconscious would be any different than being choked by a rope beyond unconscious. I might just be really naive on the topic. Sounds doable.

Only difference is I have to take control. That might be weird. I assume that's what survival instinct is. Hurting yourself instead of somebody else for you is the hard part.

While effective, I do think choking myself out will be too peaceful for me.

 

[HeyBoogahJr]

I don't mean any of the following with disrespect in mind. I simply can't grasp and follow many posts on this forum and this is an actual question. Please don't insult me, the 1k already told me all i need to know.

I don't understand where you even get the energy from to bother with dying. How can you just put all that willpower and thought into killing yourself?

It is beyond me how. It is too annoying and useless to waste all that energy on it. I can't comprehend how somebody feels alive enough to die. What is the point of making it official? I feel like you can just cease to be exist without having to kill yourself. That just a me thing or something?

I want to understand how and why I should invest all that energy to make it official. I would just bother people with moving away the corpse anyway. I admire and envy people that figured this out while I can't even grasp the concept of it. Anybody willing to teach me?

For a while, mum had told me that my death will come eventually. Why not live until then? I lived for a while now, I've had many moments of fun and joy, but they get overshadowed by how bad and hurtful the next moment could possibly be.

I drown in loneliness with no one to grab at my hand and pull me back out.

I had a moment of peace during my previous attempt and I realized, I don't know why I'm doing this. Why am I bothering with my continued existence?

I simply don't have the energy to continue on, this is my "cop out", this is me coming to the decision that I prefer being dead than alive.

I've been keeping a note of all the awful feelings and thoughts, so when the end comes. I can remind myself of all the pain I face, and there will be no more hesitation or doubt in my heart.

Maybe you just haven't gotten that moment of peace or realization? Maybe your scared?

 

[Lapdog6795]

I don't understand where you even get the energy from to bother with dying. How can you just put all that willpower and thought into killing yourself?

You need to be in enough mental/physical pain to understand. When living becomes hell and death looks like the only escape, you don't have to worry about willpower.

"The person in whom Its invisible agony reaches a certain unendurable level will kill herself the same way a trapped person will eventually jump from the window of a burning high-rise. Make no mistake about people who leap from burning windows. Their terror of falling from a great height is still just as great as it would be for you or me standing speculatively at the same window just checking out the view; i.e. the fear of falling remains a constant. The variable here is the other terror, the fire's flames: when the flames get close enough, falling to death becomes the slightly less terrible of two terrors. It's not desiring the fall; it's terror of the flames. And yet nobody down on the sidewalk, looking up and yelling 'Don't!' and 'Hang on!', can understand the jump. Not really. You'd have to have personally been trapped and felt flames to really understand a terror way beyond falling."
― David Foster Wallace

I feel like you can just cease to be exist without having to kill yourself. That just a me thing or something?

How can you just cease to exist? You still need financial and emotional support while you're existing.

I want to understand how and why I should invest all that energy to make it official. I would just bother people with moving away the corpse anyway. I admire and envy people that figured this out while I can't even grasp the concept of it. Anybody willing to teach me?

To escape the suffering. For normies, suicide might be a permanent solution to a temporary problem, but some problems are permanent and some people are actually looking for a permanent solution.

 

[Mio_Kamimachi]

For a while, mum had told me that my death will come eventually. Why not live until then? I lived for a while now, I've had many moments of fun and joy, but they get overshadowed by how bad and hurtful the next moment could possibly be.

I drown in loneliness with no one to grab at my hand and pull me back out.

I had a moment of peace during my previous attempt and I realized, I don't know why I'm doing this. Why am I bothering with my continued existence?

I simply don't have the energy to continue on, this is my "cop out", this is me coming to the decision that I prefer being dead than alive.

I've been keeping a note of all the awful feelings and thoughts, so when the end comes. I can remind myself of all the pain I face, and there will be no more hesitation or doubt in my heart.

Maybe you just haven't gotten that moment of peace or realization? Maybe your scared?

What an insane thing for a mother to say to her child. She gave a kid a chance at life. She also has the incredibly important job of guiding her child towards that happy good life and give the kid the set of skills to one day be able to support this good life themselves. Instead the most impactful skill she taught her daughter is how to be hopeless. This sounds absolutely brutal and i wish things would have gone differently for you.

I don't understand my own situation and my hesitance. I am most likely not dead because i don't feel like i deserve the restfulness of death. I haven't fulfilled my worth. I haven't suffered enough to compensation for my existence. There are still enough parts of my body left unscarred. I am not done. Yeahh, this is my conclusion after a day of considering death.

 

[HeyBoogahJr]

What an insane for a mother to say to her child. She gave a kid a chance at life. She also has the incredibly important job of guiding her child towards that happy good life and give the kid the set of skills to one day be able to support this good life themselves. Instead the most impactful skill she taught her daughter is how to be hopeless. This sounds absolutely brutal and i wish things would have gone differently for you.

I don't understand my own situation and my hesitance. I am most likely not dead because i don't feel like i deserve the restfulness of death. I haven't fulfilled my worth. I haven't suffered enough to compensation for my existence. There are still enough parts of my body left unscarred. I am not done. Yeahh, this is my conclusion after a day of considering death.

I understand what you mean. My mum said it to make me feel better, I can't exactly song whats wrong with the phrasing, but it's essentially what everyone else say anyway "It's gotta get better one day." I think what she meant was "You can die now, but you will eventually die anyway. How about living your life until then?" I guess at the time it made sense. Why? And why not? But I prefer death now.

What do you need to fulfill your worth? Why do you feel like you need to fulfill it before you go to rest?

Do you think you have some part of you hoping that maybe one day you'll find something that's worth sticking around for? Do you have goals you wanna do before you die?

I've got my goals.

Sorry about my earlier PM, I didn't mean to be insensitive to your situation.

 

[Mio_Kamimachi]

What do you need to fulfill your worth? Why do you feel like you need to fulfill it before you go to rest?

I am trying to think of anything but i must apologize. Very sorry for not being able to remember how to use words right now. I just know my life is exactly the right place for me to be, I am just too stupid to explain it.

Do you think you have some part of you hoping that maybe one day you'll find something that's worth sticking around for? Do you have goals you wanna do before you die?

Not really. Even if i got out, i will never process my life. Too much happened for me to blend into society, act like nothing happened. Normal life isn't doable anymore.

Sorry about my earlier PM, I didn't mean to be insensitive to your situation.

ooh, i must apologize as well for acting hostile. I get asked such questions on reddit on a regular basis. It is incredibly difficult to understand me and what i do. It is the opposite of most peoples lifes. There is nothing good and fulfilling in what i do. Other people get the satisfaction and happiness. I am just a vessel for them to find it. Is this a good explanation? Feeling a bit light headed. My apologies.

 

[glowing.purple.aura]

To me, it's sad how we're so constantly beaten down and overworked to the point where even escaping feels tiresome. We would much rather just continue to suffer because it's familiar, and still no one cares. Of course they don't. They just continue to drain us day-in and day-out for no fucking reason.

 

[HeyBoogahJr]

I am trying to think of anything but i must apologize. Very sorry for not being able to remember how to use words right now. I just know my life is exactly the right place for me to be, I am just too stupid to explain it.


Not really. Even if i got out, i will never process my life. Too much happened for me to blend into society, act like nothing happened. Normal life isn't doable anymore.


ooh, i must apologize as well for acting hostile. I get asked such questions on reddit on a regular basis. It is incredibly difficult to understand me and what i do. It is the opposite of most peoples lifes. There is nothing good and fulfilling in what i do. Other people get the satisfaction and happiness. I am just a vessel for them to find it. Is this a good explanation? Feeling a bit light headed. My apologies.

Its okay, I can wait, if you ever find those words, then I'll listen.

So this is your new normal now? Do you not have the energy to hold both things together?

I appreciate the apology, I can see why it must've upset you. I can understand how you feel I felt like a vessel too, but I cleared my head before doing anything too drastic. Yes, thanks for explaining. Its okay, I hope you feel better soon.

 

[Littlepaws]

For me, everything is just exhausting.

From waking up, to showering, to do work, to prepare meals, and then after all that, I can't even sleep correctly . And then I have to do it all again.

There is no joy in life anymore, everything just ends up bringing even more pain and misery to my existence. Not a minute in my waking hours goes by where I'm not thinking of another way out from the one I've already thought out and planned to do. The temptation is always there, but carrying out my thought out method is the only thing comes close to giving me any sort of motivation to slog through each day. Fuck I just wish someone would murder me or something to put me out of my misery