I can't be a good person

[betternever2havbeen]

I'm not sure if I ever was, I always had issues and was prone to negativity and depression. Now I know I am so incompetent, so useless that I can only do more harm than good staying around. I'm such a failure I only ever had minimum wage jobs which I was slow at and made errors. I know everyone makes mistakes, but I also know I am more incompetent than most. I also can't handle stress at all and panic and freak out in a lot of situations. So I decided it's better to hide out and be alone so I can't screw up, but I still got put in situations I couldn't handle. I'm not even working now and I KNOW any job is better off for not having me, I would just screw up, I'm a liability. It's like I'm doing them a favour cos I know how much better literally anyone else would do a job. At the same time I know it's important to work if you can, to earn your keep, feel useful whatever. So a failure either way, but this way I feel like I can't get fired or sued at least lol.

I completely understand why people say "everyone will be better off without me" I genuinely know that to be true about myself. Best to make a clean break rather than hang around making myself and others more miserable, just spreading negativity. it's funny how people try and stop you taking your own life yet if someone was to describe me and say "this person is dragging me down, they are so negative and depressed and toxic" there would be no sympathy and everyone would say "you have to get away from this person they are horrible". So why not accept some people would do others a favour by CTB?

 

[ISeeDarkness]

Depression screws with your brain. Fucks with memory, focus, and basically everything else. It's possible that you're not as incompetent as you think you are.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

There are no useless people in this world. Everyone has something to offer. Sounds like you just haven't found what you are good at, yet.

 

[DoodleBug]

I feel absolutely the same. Even though i have a job, Im holding out at it to some degree by a razor thin margin. My errors from the last few weeks are about to catch up to me and theres no future for me.

Im sure you have some qualities that you just dont see, it might not be too late, although i know how brain keeps on fucking up endlessly.

 

[Euthanza]

If you don't hurt others for your own benefit then you're a good person imo; however I understand it's hard to be good in a money hungry society because you'll be the one they're preying at.

 

[Werewolf.]

There are no useless people in this world.

I am.

 

[FuneralCry]

Living can be torture and I know that it can be awful when things in life keep on going wrong. It seems as though in this life it can be impossible to escape from misery. I hope that you find relief from your suffering.

 

[betternever2havbeen]

Depression screws with your brain. Fucks with memory, focus, and basically everything else. It's possible that you're not as incompetent as you think you are.

I don't know I always felt like everyone else knew what was going on and reacted better-I have slow reactions, like it takes me a while to process things. It might have something to do with being an introvert but I can't think on my feet like other people-I only think later on "should've done this" which I know everyone has to some degree, but I just feel really slow and gormless.

There are no useless people in this world. Everyone has something to offer. Sounds like you just haven't found what you are good at, yet.

Yeh still not found it lol. Honestly there isn't anything. Everyone was always so much quicker than me at jobs and more accurate. I can't keep a calm head either. I've been out of work since before Covid now, if I couldn't do a job at 25 I'll be even more incompetent now there is just no way I could hold one down. It's not like I ever had high hopes like I knew there was no chance I could be a Dr but to feel like there is literally nothing I can do, like no job is easy enough for me.

 

[MindFog]

I can deeply relate to this post. It's almost like I wrote it myself.

Thinking you're so useless that simply existing makes you feel guilty. Even if you make an effort, it's still not good enough anyway.

Have ever wondered if you're in the spectrum? Not trying to suspect anything but being slow at processing is a symptom. Then again, depression can cause this too..

Being neurodivergent has made socializing and holding a job a complete nightmare for me. Sometimes I wish I didnt exist cause I know how hard it'll be to even manage

 

[meetapple]

I feel useless as well and I am highly educated. At least you didn't waste your time and money getting degrees that you will never use (I assume).

 

[Forever Sleep]

I really feel for you. I too suffer with massive self doubt. I'm constantly comparing myself to others and falling short and the worry can sometimes get so bad that I can feel it making me even more hesitant and slow at everything.

Still- it hurts to read you being so tough and hateful towards yourself. I will say this- while I don't think anyone is truly 'useless', I would say that the ones who are on the lower end of usefulness likely don't even realise (or care) that they are 'inadequate.' You clearly have the ability to assess yourself and your work. Plus- you obviously care about doing a good job.

I expect it's more the case that you are not living up to your own (high?) standards. Maybe the jobs you've had haven't suited your talents. Have you enjoyed them? It's difficult to excel at something you don't enjoy.

I wish you all the best and I hope you can learn to be kinder to yourself.

 

[betternever2havbeen]

I can deeply relate to this post. It's almost like I wrote it myself.

Thinking you're so useless that simply existing makes you feel guilty. Even if you make an effort, it's still not good enough anyway.

Have ever wondered if you're in the spectrum? Not trying to suspect anything but being slow at processing is a symptom. Then again, depression can cause this too..

Being neurodivergent has made socializing and holding a job a complete nightmare for me. Sometimes I wish I didnt exist cause I know how hard it'll be to even manage

Yeh I did wonder if I was on the spectrum for a few years (especially since I had older parents so there's that link) and I believed I probably was until recently. I've always felt somewhat apart from everyone else but now I think maybe it's just major depressive disorder or something as I don't fit other ASD traits really. I've tried to analyse myself for years and why I'm like this but I just don't know it sucks.

I feel useless as well and I am highly educated. At least you didn't waste your time and money getting degrees that you will never use (I assume).

Well at least you know you are intelligent! I never finished any uni I went for a bit and then dropped out, there's nothing I haven't quit in life

I really feel for you. I too suffer with massive self doubt. I'm constantly comparing myself to others and falling short and the worry can sometimes get so bad that I can feel it making me even more hesitant and slow at everything.

Still- it hurts to read you being so tough and hateful towards yourself. I will say this- while I don't think anyone is truly 'useless', I would say that the ones who are on the lower end of usefulness likely don't even realise (or care) that they are 'inadequate.' You clearly have the ability to assess yourself and your work. Plus- you obviously care about doing a good job.

I expect it's more the case that you are not living up to your own (high?) standards. Maybe the jobs you've had haven't suited your talents. Have you enjoyed them? It's difficult to excel at something you don't enjoy.

I wish you all the best and I hope you can learn to be kinder to yourself.

Well I never had a burning passion for any job-everyone else seemed to know what they wanted to do. Not really enjoying socialising or putting myself out there meant I never really wanted to do any job. I'm lazy and slow. In my head I could be such a good useful person but I can't keep it up. I mean I just fell into retail and that's not the greatest thing to do when introverted and you are supposed to be friendly and approachable! But I have no idea what job would suit me.

 

[london3]

Yeh I did wonder if I was on the spectrum for a few years (especially since I had older parents so there's that link) and I believed I probably was until recently. I've always felt somewhat apart from everyone else but now I think maybe it's just major depressive disorder or something as I don't fit other ASD traits really. I've tried to analyse myself for years and why I'm like this but I just don't know it sucks.

Well at least you know you are intelligent! I never finished any uni I went for a bit and then dropped out, there's nothing I haven't quit in life

Well I never had a burning passion for any job-everyone else seemed to know what they wanted to do. Not really enjoying socialising or putting myself out there meant I never really wanted to do any job. I'm lazy and slow. In my head I could be such a good useful person but I can't keep it up. I mean I just fell into retail and that's not the greatest thing to do when introverted and you are supposed to be friendly and approachable! But I have no idea what job would suit me.

I hope you feel better soon and am sending you hugs, wish you a peaceful journey no matter what you ultimately decide.

 

[betternever2havbeen]

@london3 I'm CTB for sure but not for a few months, gonna see the year out if I can. I know it's the right thing to do for myself and everyone else. Am so ashamed to be such a waste of air, but I can't help it. Gonna spend the next few months researching and getting ready. I wish I had done this 20 years ago it would've saved me so much pain and screw ups and I'd be long forgotten by now.

 

[london3]

@london3 I'm CTB for sure but not for a few months, gonna see the year out if I can. I know it's the right thing to do for myself and everyone else. Am so ashamed to be such a waste of air, but I can't help it. Gonna spend the next few months researching and getting ready. I wish I had done this 20 years ago it would've saved me so much pain and screw ups and I'd be long forgotten by now.

Yes, please take your time, there is no rush. You are in charge of your destiny.

 

[betternever2havbeen]

At this point I don't even feel like I could volunteer or anything. I used to dog walk in my early 20s and I quit cos I almost got bitten and almost lost control of a dog. Besides that I hated doing it anyway even though I love animals. I wish I could be a useful person I really wanna help people and animals but I am a liability to the world. Anything I do I screw up and most of the time I just sit back and don't do anything cos I'm not hands on or proactive. I wish so bad I was someone else. I feel like such a child it's pathetic I have not grown up at all I've just regressed, wth is wrong with me I had a normal upbringing all the things you could want.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

I am.

I doubt that.